Excellent at taking the blame for stuff with having over 30 years of experience in being blamed for all manner of misfortunes from the loss of data from floppy disks to the breakdown of marriage.
Have a good golf swing. Never played golf on a proper course but have been shown the correct stance by a colleague.
Can deflect embarrassing answers with the skill and dexterity of a politician while not actually telling a mistruth or being misleading.
Have experience swanning about looking important having been a prefect at school and many years of work experience in the area of walking up and down corridors with a large bunch of keys.
From good family stock. Father has a double barrelled name and I am a member of the Masons. Yes I am!
Skilled at appearing to be busy while actually not having much to do other than attend meetings at gentlemen’s clubs for lunch.
Any chief executive job or position within a company requiring a fall guy for any failings which, of course will naturally turn out to be entirely my own fault. Examples: Oil rig leak, employees mucking about with accounts, leaks of embarrassing financial or political misconduct.
The position will offer excellent remuneration (but I’m willing to take a fraction of what all the other fall guys get paid) and a tasty pension and share options on successful completion of role.
If you are an employer looking for someone like this, please get in touch. I could save your company a great deal of money by undercutting your current fall guys by at least 75%.