Day Four – What you ate today
If I was any normal person no doubt I would have started the day with a cup of tea and a bowl of Cinnamon Grahams. I would probably have had ham and cheese sandwiches for lunch and a chicken and chorizo ready meal with potato waffle and pea accompaniment for dinner. But why would I have dined on such mediocre feasts being as fabulous as I am?
Well quite simply I wouldn’t. Indeed my repast began this morn, when I dined on quail egg kedgeree followed by slices of home baked bread dripping with rare breed Jersey cow butter, all washed down by a golden mug of hot infusion of tea, the leaves of which were hand picked from my plantation and transported by Lear jet.
As noon approached I sat on the veranda and tucked into a fine triple layer rare breed ham and cheese sandwich. The ham slices retail at about £20 a slice as the pigs the ham comes from are reared on 100% organic farms in the lush veldt in a hidden valley in the heart of Africa. The cheese, rich, blue veined and well matured made from the milk from sacred Dun cows from the unscalably mountainous regions of the Himalayas. I could have eaten three of these sandwiches but I needed to leave room for the evening meal.
The evening meal was served in the oak panelled dining room of Fruitcake Palace. The yew wood table groaned under the weight of the feast that was laid out before us. It would probably be more efficient of me to list the menu here for you to see.
First course
Gorgonzola melted on miniature pizza bases
Second course
Aral sea king prawn cocktail
Third course
Dodo Soup with croutons
Fourth course
Caspian Sea sushi with fugu chiri
Fifth Course
Roasted swan with chips and beans
Sixth course
Deep fried battered bacon sandwiches with lard fried chips
Seventh course
A huge chocolate feast type ice cream sundae with brownies, sauces and pavlova pieces
Eighth course
Butterscotch angel delight with angelica pieces.
Ninth Course
A selection of cheeses from around the world served with rare breed crackers and grapes.
Tenth Course
Port and cigars
Eleventh course
Antacids
Even after that feast I still feel a bit famished, so I might send Zoe out for a Chinese banquet too.
