Ok some of the regular readers may remember this. But because of the hot weather (and my extra sprinkling of crotchetiness) there have recent instances that have been really getting on my flabby man tits.

In the Monday edition of that quality toilet paper, the Daily Mirror (I read it because it takes exactly half an hour to read which takes me nicely through lunch), a reporter was speculating in It’s a Scorcher fashion at the really high temperatures we have been experiencing in the UK recently. I dont have the article in front of me at the moment but it went something like this:-

Weather men warn of temperatures reaching 90°f later this week. Meanwhile yesterday parts of Bradford reached a swealtering 74°F York 76°F and Leeds reached 80°C

Like ok…there you have it see? Fahrenheit means nothing to me yet Celcius (or fucking centigrade for the purists) does. Reading that article made me chuckle at the thought of near boiling point temperatures laying waste to Leeds. Why the media (and some people) insist on switching to fucking Fahrenheit when it is hot I have no idea. If the argument that “it made it appear hotter than it actually is” was valid people and the papers would say things like

It was a heatastic 304°K in the sun today

or

Cities burned to the ground as temperatures reached a searing 547.47°Rankine

Wouldnt it?

And it doesn’t help that the Merrycans selfishly have their own system of measurement compared to the rest of the world. [Did you know you’re ripping yourself off of 0.8 fluid ounces in every pint? Suckers ;-)]

Well I think you should stop it! Stop it now! When someone says to you “Good god! It must be 80 degrees out there!” say to their foolish faces “OMG! Quick! Get inside! Get the children inside before the nylon in their clothes starts to melt and give them disfiguring burns!” or remind them next time they complain about the cold saying “Brrr it must be minus 8 out there” by saying “Nah it is only 17.6 degrees”, stripping off and rushing out naked into the night.

Me? Well I’d love to sit in the searing 27°Réaumur . But I have 36576cm to walk to the toilet where I will probably flush away 42 gills of water. I had better not take my bag as that weighs a staggering 11 300 metric Carats. I might break my back under all that weight.