The story so far. Having given away next weeks winning lotto numbers and having revealed the whereabouts of the elixir of life our heros settle down in their new life in the rural backwaters of Barnsley.

Missed a bit? Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 and Part 4

Otherwise

read on…

My first impressions of New College were “I’m going to like it here”. It is a strange place, being a mixture of modern and old Victorian buildings. High ceilings, big windows, mysterious doors to other non-earthly realms, suites of Macs and classrooms with smells that I haven’t smelt since I left school myself. The old bit reminds me of my old music college (Greenbank College) and my old primary school (only in much better condition). The newer bits just look like any other school/college. It is situated near to the motorway (handy for weekend dashes to Liverpool like tonight) and Ponty Race and golf courses. My office has a nice view of Ferry Bridge Power Station which, when I’m feeling homesick, I’ll pretend is Fiddlers Ferry Power Station in Widnes.

 
If you did a really smelly fart you could almost be in Widnes

The people here seem really nice and being the new boy I often find myself being asked the “3 questions of doom” (1. When did you start? 2. Where are you from [But you don’t sound like you’re from Liverpool]? 3. Will you stop hurting my arm now please?). They even let me polish the college cormorant and nail a few of the older boys to the walls.

Other than that it has been like working at the Uni only much more fun and more involved. Whereas in the Uni there was often periods of “nothing to do-but look busy” here it is a nice steady flow of jobs and tasks with a bit of “hands on computing” and my own kettle :-D. (CSD readers will probably be unhappy to know that I now make the tea. Admittedly it is for me alone and indeed the kettle is sat on the desk next to my PC but still…I thought you’d be proud ;-)).

So far I have got lost going home 4 times. Out of choice I might add. As I am unfamiliar with the area I often take detours just to see where roads take me. I find that this helps me learn more about the area and find quaint little gems (like Wednesday night when I stumbled upon the Anglers Arms pub which is apparently in the CAMRA guide. However it is a bugger to get to and I doubt I’d ever find it again).

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The new “old” house is fab. We have lovely friendly neighbours  (not the sort that pop in for tea every day) and so far I’ve seen fresh mushrooms, wild toads and even chickens in the back access lane. We’ve noted a few leaks and a huge crack in the wall which we are having investigated by surveyors sometime next week. A tap that drips and a flat roof that needs re-laying.

Downsides include:-

Insufficient parking (I park in the garage but the wife has to park on the street);
Rotten front door – Nice thick door though…but will need replacing soon;
Weird wiring – There are all sorts of crazy wires and switches around the house. Our security light that comes on when someone walks past only works if you have a second light blazing away all night. The light switches are on the outsides of the room and there are insufficient plug sockets to run all the appliances off;
Strange smells – Sometimes there are weird odours like old people. Its more than likely the old carpets.
Lead piping – Eeek!
Shit shower – There is very little water pressure in the shower and your better off getting someone to splash you with water
Weird power cuts – Usually about 10pm the power flicks off and then on again. Apparently this affects the whole street. I blame the donkeys.

But these are all minor teething things which we can sort out. Of course the Broadband is also fucked. But this we know about already don’t we? I imagine the old wiring from the telegraph pole to the house is the culprit. Bloody Edwardians…..

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The Fancy Dress Party and the bank holiday

The wife took me with her to a works do. It was a Sci-fi themed fancy dress party . The wife went as Princess Aura from Flash Gordon and I went as a Star Trek extra (Blue shirt rather than red because I didnt want to die). I didnt really want to go, mainly because I wouldnt know anyone there and nobody would say anything of interest to me anyway. Which is what happened. It was fun though. It was a surprise 40th for one of the staff and they had a quiz and kareoke.

The wife’s boss recently split from his wife because he was having an affair with a 19 year old. Thing is the wife’s boss’ wife works in the same place as the wife’s boss. (does that make sense?) as well as the 19 year old (the wifes boss’ secretary) so things were a bit awkward especially as the 19 year old was flirting with people her own age causing the wifes boss to try his sliminess on with his wife. You know those situations where you feel really uncomfortable? Well this was one of them. I really don’t like Dave. His wife is really really pretty, mature yet youthful, fun and bubbly. But he is just an embarrassment to mankind.

Anyway I’d had enough so I requested the wife and I should depart. Especially as there are no buses after 10pm and there was either a 10 mile walk or a short cab journey home. 10 miles, 15 minutes and £6 later we were home and tucked up in bed.

Saturday involved shopping for food. We went to Farmer Copeley’s and bought shitloads of food and we also went for a meal in the Three Horseshoes (the local pub) with the wifes family. Sunday we had a visit from a tired Jim, Ricky and Becky homeward bound from the Leeds festival and then a short visit to hell. Bank Holiday Monday was spent at Elsecar Heritage Centre looking at ald things and trying to find the Newcomben Beam Engine.

And thats about it. You’re up to date and so am I. Any questions??