Inspired by a peculiar and unnecessary rewording of a popular nursery rhyme that I heard to my horror over the weekend. I give you:-

Politically correct Nursery Educational Preschool Rhymes Prose by Stegzy Gnomepants

Attention!
The feline utilized a violin type instrument
The bovine used momentum to clear a lunar object
The canine reacted with mirth
At the event
And the crockery asked the cutlery if it would like to obtain permission from its parents to go somewhere

Baa Baa sheep of no particular ethnicity
Have you any raw material from which to make clothes
Yes I do thank you for asking I have several European Regulation weight containers (at cost plus local taxes)
One unit which has been purchased by the main employer of these parts
One unit purchased on behalf of a spouse
And one for the child who has a safe and healthy abode in the nearby region but in the interests of safety and privacy I am unable to disclose where he lives without an adequate police reference check

The power obsessed member of the British Aristocracy
Had a labour force of ten thousand minimum wage skilled and empowered employees conforming to equal opportunity and antidiscriminatory guidelines
He didn’t get them to do any menial unnecessary tasks as that would be detrimental to their well being

Mr Winkie,
A diminutive gentleman with cognitive difficulties
Is often seen in a confused state in the local area
occasionally in night wear
He has been issued with an Anti social behavior order
For disturbing the peace and certain acts of fenestrial voyeurism
Involving minors

A qualified medical practitioner
Went to Gloucester (UK)
During an occasion of precipitation
He stepped in a puddle
Right up to his midriff
And sued the council for negligence as they had a duty of care to ensure adequate repairs to their public byways.