The Compostual Existentialist

Wordpress flavour with added crunchy bits


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Christmas Poem

Who’s is that?
It’s not mine
Who’s is this
That’ll do fine
Presents are passed
Around the room
The defrosted turkey
Senses its doom
The family sat round
All festive with cheer
Our Chris got five pound!
All I got was beer

And in the kitchen
Mother doth toil
The Christmas dinner
She hopes not to spoil
With cabbage and carrots
And potatoes to cook
While in the front room
I get a new book

After dinner we sit
All stuffed to the gills
A flurry of snow
Gathers on the (window) sills
Our trousers are bursting
With our bellies girth
And father relates
A story of mirth

Then on with the telly
At three o’clock
The Queens festive speech
Live from Albert Dock
“Good Season my subjects”
“History and Math”
“I lost my virginity”
“To Lord Bath”

A thankyou

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Autumn – a poem by Stegzy Gnomepants aged 41 5/6ths

picture courtesy of google images

Autumn is here

The leaves leaveĀ 

The nursery of branches aloft

Free at last

Falling gracefully to the earth

There to become part of history

Or swept and burnt

To become free again

Airbourne in spirit

Their fragrance warming

Making memories

Their brothers forming

Mountains to walk through

Kicking skyward feebly

Fruit abundant falling

Feeding dying wasps

Crushed under foot

Or gathered by the wise

Kitchen boundĀ 

As nights grow darker

Embers glow brighter

Warming and scenting the air

Autumn is here!


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Crap Poetry – Cup of Tea

The Cup of Tea by Stegzy Gnomepants

Oh tea
rosy-lea
Tea
You hot brown liquid of contentment
You that taunt me with your fiery heat
You that doth callest me to imbibe
To savour your sweetened juice

Oh tea
Mock not me with your heat of denial
I should leave you to cool
But then a fool you would make of me
For thou wouldst be too cold
And dull
And sickly

Oh tea
Ravish me! Burn my gullet and gut
I cannot resist
I raise my wrist
And swallow you whole
Yea you doth give me bliss
Serenity

Oh tea


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Heat

Dry as a bone
Comfortable as a throne
Made of stone

Humid and sweaty
But cold I am not
The weather has become
Unbearably hot

Plants are wilting
The cat is tilting
As it lounges about in
the heat

My shirt is all damp
I smell like a tramp
And the heat haze shimmers
on the road

But it wont last forever
Because heat waves
They never
Go on for too long over here

But lo! What’s the matter?
A crash
A flash
A patter
Of rain
On the conservatory roof

The rain it rushes
Through the gutter it gushes
And gone in an instant
The heat


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The Monster in the Wardrobe

monsterThere’s a monster in the bedroom
You don’t want to anger
It lives inside the wardrobe
And dines on your coat hanger

The wife she thinks I’m crazy
The neighbour he just mocks
I’m fairly certain the monster
Occasionally eats my socks

It snacks on your shirt buttons
And feasts on underwear
I thought this warning
To you, I should give and share

Beware the bedroom monster
It will eat all your clothes
Scoff the sCarf and mittens
You keep for when it snows

Munch on ties and slippers
Crease your shirts and troos
Feast on coats and jackets
Nibble upon your shoes

Watch out for the bedroom monster
As you make the bed
These things to you won’t happen
If you keep your clothes in the shed.

 

 


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The Binmen

binHere come the men to take
Away the rubbish that I make
The clutter I want tossed onto the heap
In orange bibs they’re dressed
Slung casual o’er their vest
With Daventry District Council
Writ ‘cross their van

They make an awful racket
But take home a tidy packet
To spend on treats and holidays abroad
They hoist up the bins
Onto the lorry’s rear pins
Which empties their contents
In to the void

In will go the shoes
The empty bottles of booze
The boxes and detritus from the sink
The mouldy old kipper
A half chewed slipper
And all the things that really
Start to stink

Then down the street they’ll go
In rain or sleet or snow
And take away the waste from the house
The truck gets emptied out
The socks, the box and trout
To end their days as debris
In the ground