Some people are easily offended.

Me? I like to think I’m fairly thick skinned. I might take offence at some things like “Marmite is nice” or “Parsnips taste good”, but I like to think that when someone says something like “All Christians are fudge packing wankers”, “Jesus liked it up the bum” or “Britain is an island of Germans” that they are simply exercising their right to free speech and expressing their opinion. Likewise when someone quotes something someone else has said like “Hitler once said “Churchills cock was tiny”” or “OMG, exampleuser said all Americans sucked their moms arse” I don’t take offence, I simply take note and savour the colourful dialogue being exchanged.

When I’m writing this bollocks, I think long and hard about whether people might get offended by what I’m saying. Of course, I like to think that most of the people that are capable of reading the lines without running their fingers along the screen are liberal minded but I know that not everyone is as easy going as me. In fact I’d say a good deal of the things I think about when I write I tone down slightly for fear of causing upset. Lets call it tact. But what I want to know is, do people really take offence at things? Or are they just looking for an excuse to fight or knock a persons confidence or status?

dan4th did a poll the other week about unPC opinions held widely and curiously the results revealed that most people agreed with most unpopular statements. So like most people go through life thinking “I best not tell person B I don’t like ‘X Statement’ else they might take offence” then person B thinks “Oh Person A must like ‘X statement’ because they haven’t said. I best not tell them I like ‘X statement'”, or so it appears.

In the news today Pope Benedict, or Old Popey Bum Benny as he likes to be called during confession, has upset some Muslims by quoting what a Pope in the 14th century said to illustrate a point he was making. Of course this has now all been taken out of context and all sorts of argy bargy and shoutiness is going on. But I have to ask myself, did they really take offence or were they told or telling people to take offence? Surely it should be up to the individual? As I said, I don’t know because very little offends me.

Occasionally, I like to play the Offence Game. This is where you look at something simple or trivial and try and work out who, how and why someone might be offended by it. For example:-

THE ROSEMARY BUSH IN MY GARDEN NEEDS SOME WATER

The offending articles are :-

Rosemary Bush – People called Rosemary Bush might take offence because they are not in a garden and being in a garden might be against their religion.
Bush – Might be taken to mean pubic hair. Some people are offended by the thought of pubic hair.
The concept of a plant needing water – People that live in arid countries might take great offence at such a disgraceful waste of water.
Water – People with water intolerance might get upset

Another example:-

GEORGE BUSH IS A WANKER

The offending articles are:-

George Bush – Offensive in his own right; may get offended himself by the entire statement; other people called George Bush might be offended; might take offence as wanking is banned in Catholic circles;
Bush – Pubic Hair again
Wanker – Wankers might take offence at being likened to George Bush; Everyone might be offended as everyone (except me, I find wanking offensive) wanks; Catholics might be offended at the thought of someone masturbating.

See it’s easy to become offended isn’t it you fucker? Even with this post I’ve probably upset those of you offended by vowels m rlly srry bt thrs nthg cn d . (Sorry vowel fans) Hell! (there I go again “hell” i’ve offended the profoundly religious) even just opening my eyes in the morning might offend some people (closing them at night surely offends nonsonambulists). Talking about myself in the first person probably offends people with multiple personallity disorders. In fact by reading this post you might have offended someone who is offended by me (and there are a lot of people that find me offensive). Arrrgh! It could go on and on (but it might offend the noneternalists) and we wouldn’t get anything done (apologies to those offended by sloth). We wouldn’t be able to communicate (apologies to paraplegic deaf mutes), nor would we be able to express our opinion (sorry fascists) or write colourful blocks of prose (apologies those unable to write and those unable to see colour) or poetry. In fact (sorry fictionalists), we’d all fall out (sorry Radioactive wastists) and then never speak to anyone again (sorry mutes). I could friends lock the post but that might offend those who aren’t on the friends list.

When I hear (easily offended) religious people going on about how the devil is bad and how satan is the cause of all the ills today I feel sorry for the Satanists who are probably seething with disgust. When I hear of people raging on about how the Jews got a bad time during the 1940’s I feel sorry for the Travellers and Gypsies who also got the same treatment (but they didn’t end up with an American backed country of their own in the Middle East did they?) who might take offence at the lack of mention. When I hear about how someone has taken offence to some exposed breasts or the use of a word on telly, yeah I can understand and I see how both the fors and the againsts battle it out with valid arguements. But I think the key is tollerance (sorry non-tollerants), acceptance (declanists) that everyone (generalists) thinks (non-thinkers) differently (differentialists) and may not want to subscribe to an alternative point of view no matter how correct that point of view is. Otherwise we will find (sorry losters) ourselves in a situation where nothing is said or done for fear of causing offence; no Christmas, Hannukah, Birthdays, Anniversaries or special occasions (I’m surprised more people don’t find Guy Fawkes Night offensive) ; No Newspapers, magazines or internet; No writing of opinion; No drink; No cigarettes; Only certain non-allergenic foods; the list goes on (sorry again eternalists).

Just a thought….sorry if it’s offensive….