Some questions were asked in this poll yesterday.

Here are some answers-

How?

dan4th asked :- How do you brush your teeth – up and down or side to side?

stegzy answers:- Hmm. A mixture of both. I have an electric toothbrush which sort of oscillates and then I tend to scrub my teeth 70’s style with that. Thing is I’ve got no doubt that its probably not doing a bit of good anyway. I’m also under the impression that toothpaste is one of the great conspiracies (like where are everlasting lightbulbs? the cure for the common cold?) in that dentists and plastic manufacturers stand to lose too much money if the cure for tooth decay was released. Instead it is kept in a vault under the Vatican/White House/Kremlin/Nevada desert to prevent the proletariat from having nice teeth. You will however notice famous and rich people with perfect teeth. This is because they have been privy to the secret and they are only rich because they don’t have to buy toothpaste or toothbrushes again.

youcallhersusie quipped:- How did my room get clean?

to which stegzy replies:- The fairies. More specifically the cleaning fairies. They’re quite active at this time of year. I think its mating season.

and think4yrself questioned:- How do you do what you do to me?

stegzy retorted:- With very little persuasion and a box of feather dusters.

Why?

dan4th asked:- Why do you persist in persecuting innocent marmite?

stegzy replies:- Marmite isnt innocent. If marmite is innocent, so is Charlie Manson. All of histories greatest disasters can be blamed on the foul substance, from the fall of Troy (he slipped on some marmite) to Black Wednesday (that Wednesday when the marmite factory blew up spilling hot molten marmite everywhere). Besides it is made by wasps and it tastes like arse (I should know I’ve tasted a few)

stephmog asked:- Why Not?

stegzy replies:- 111, trichloromethane

youcallhersusie asked :- Why is there belly button lint?

After careful consideration stegzy replies:- Belly button lint or fluff is secretions of love. In some cultures it is seen as rude not to pick out your own belly button lint and give it to your significant other as a gesture of love. Single people in these cultures store their excess love in jars and bestow the collection upon their new love when they meet them. Other cultures believe that bellybutton fluff is a tool for scrying or telling the future. Shamen of these cultures examine the fluff in candle light and make predictions about the originator of the fluff with some frighteningly accurate results.

think4yrself asked:- Why does it always rain on me?

stegzy replies:- Probably because you lied when you were 17. But more likely because you live in an area of high rainfall and you don’t have an umbrella.

Where?

dan4th asks – Where is the inflatable breast vampiress reference from?

stegzy replies – Mostly my dreamscape (the world in which I am in when I am dreaming). As well as a vast city scape, a rabbit warren of railway tunnels and subways and lush hotels there exists a dark and sinister side containing many evil things. One such evil thing is the Comedy inflatable breasted vampiress, who, in their catsuited forms, attempt to corrupt and unsettle the delicate balance in the dreamscape by capturing me and doing unspeakable things. What those things might be I will not speak of for they are unspeakable. Regardless, the only means of their destruction is to pop said comedy inflatable breasts with a pin. Upon bursting the bust, said vampire will fly off in a similar fashion to an inflated balloon which hasnt been tied but released so that it makes that farty noise. I think they must torment other people too as Kate Beckinsale looked just like one in the film Underworld and yet I’ve dreamt about these evil harpies since 1989

youcallhersusie asked:- Where is my selfesteem?

stegzy replies:- In the cupboard next to the cooker. Behind the box of instant gravy. If it’s not there then it’ll be in the shed in basket in front of the lawn mower.

think4yrself quizzed:- Where have all the flowers gone?

The answer stegzy provides is:- The flowers have all migrated south for the winter.

Who?

dan4th posed the question:- Who is your favorite dictator?
stegzy replies – As evil as he was it has to be Pol Pot. The speed in which he managed to take a country back to the stone age was remarkable. And yet nobody dared to question his actions or dictats. Though he is closely followed by turkmenbashi who delights in more ways than one

youcallhersusie wanted to know:- Who is the Mad Hatter?
stegzy replies:- This depends which Mad Hatter you mean. In the 1955 Disney animation Ed Wynne provided the voice for the Mad Hatter. However few know the true inspiration behind Lewis Carrol’s original creation. Albert Finklebaum, an eminent Jewish hat maker, owned a shop in Chester, UK, from which Carroll often bought hats. Carroll was the equivalent to hats as a shoe sniffer or a used-panty buyer might be in today’s twisted and perverted world. “Hat humping” as it was known, was frowned upon in Victorian society. While most of the gentry and well to do were off taking copious amounts of opium, some sought pleasures in other ways. Carroll, and several other prominent figures of his time, sought gratification from hats, much to the disgust of society. Finklebaum, upon hearing what Carroll was intending to do with the 23 top hats, 12 deer stalkers, 4 trilby’s and 15 flat caps he had bought from Finklebaum, complained to the local law enforcement who immediately tried to bring charges of gross indecency against Carroll but these were eventually dropped. Some say that the character of the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland is Carroll’s attempt at discrediting Finklebaum’s statement. Shortly after the book was published, Finklebaum’s shop closed and the hat maker moved to Germany

think4yrself asked:- Who are you?
To which stegzy replies:- stegzy Gnomepants

What

dan4th requested an answer to :- What is the origin of the badger puppet?
stegzy provided:- The badger, or Colin as he likes to be called, was rescued from the bargain basket in the gift shop at Kew Gardens in 2000. It was a gift from my lovely wife in recognition of a name which she frequently calls me

stephmog wanted to know:- What? Didn’t you hear me?
stegzy responded:- Eh? Speak up? Can’t hear you..

wimble posed:- What no tickyboxes?
stegzy responds:- No. No tickyboxes. They are having a rest.

youcallhersusie wanted to know:- What time is it?
stegzy says:- About 9:40am

think4yrself asks:- What is love?
stegzy replies:- See earlier answer

When

dan4th asks :- When are you coming to Merrica?

stegzy replies:- Like the Christ figure, the stegzy needs several conditions to be correct in the US before the prophecy is fulfilled. They are as follows:-

1. A new passport
2. A new US Government
3. The correct quantity of cash
4. Some time off work

When those four conditions are right then the stegzy figure will come to the US seek out the dan4th figure and demand beerage.

dispossessive quips:- Tomorrow at noon?
stegzy retorts:- Sure thing. I’ll wear those sequined Y fronts you liked

zelest asks:- Tomorrow?
stegzy replies:- Sure but I’ve already got a date at noon. If you can bring the gimpsuit I can make 3pm traffic permitting.

youcallhersusie says:- When is supper?
stegzy replies:- After 9pm but before 11pm, otherwise I’ll never get to sleep

think4yrself wants to know:- When will I be famous?
stegzy says:- I can’t answer that. But if you go to the nearest school with an AK45 and some grenades you’ll become famous fairly quickly