So after a long hard day attempting to motivate myself into doing some of the tonnes of work I have to do before April 16th I return from Uni and put the car into the garage.
While I am closing the garage door I hear a strange harrumphing noise coming from behind me. Worried that it might be G the Human Dog in distress I look round to see, in the field behind the field behind the lane with no name, the horses.
Now you may recall recent events where the people who own the field behind the lane with no name went and bought a rather beautiful chestnut mare much to the delight of the white and black patchy horsy in the field behind the field behind the lane with no name. Since then, the black and white patchy horse (who shares a field with an off white horse and a donkey), has been putting on a fine display of horse widginess. I tell you, you’ve never seen a knob so big in all your life! It even rivals mine! So theres the patchy horse wopping it on display like some weird Long John Holmes of the horse world driven to heights of lust and desire by the chestnut mare, separated by a barbed wire fence.
So I’m there, I’ve looked round, and my eyes beheld a sight which I’ve only ever seen in websites frequented by Uncle Monty and Girlzy. The two (male) horses in the field behind the field behind the lane with no name…..were…..bumming!
Of course I’m insanely jealous of this. But I tried to take a picture of the act for billzy you to wank gasp in awe over but the sun was in the wrong position and my camera phone is a bit slow now it’s over a year old. Still I’ve shoved it below the cut to protect the more sensitive readers. Even if it’s a crap picture.
While outside this morning I was treated to
As a happy ending, the people who own the field behind the “lane with no name” took a trip to an equine fair this weekend and purchased this lovely chestnut mare
A Horse Called Man
Behind the field behind the lane with no name is another field (separated by a patchy hedge and some skilfully placed barbed wire). In the field behind the field behind the lane with no name there are two other horses and a donkey, together with a collection of tatty farm machinery.
One of the horses in the field behind the field behind the lane with no name is a white and black patchy horsey. The white and black patchy horsey and his friends the donkey and the white horsey all came to say hello to the chestnut mare.
The white and black patchy horsey what has a big cock
I think the white and black patchy horsey was pleased to see the chestnut horsey (judged by the size of it’s dripping widgy). They all stood round looking at each other over the barbed wire fence. I suspect they have a lot to discuss.
The horse in the field behind Gnomepants Manor died last week. It was quite sudden.
G the Human Dog told me that he suspects foul play. No. He was sure it was foul play. In that some third party, notably a shifty chap that holds a grudge against the people that now live in the house at the end of “The lane with no name” who own the field, had on numerous occasions left the gate open and, in one final act of revenge, fed the horse poison. The motive, is as yet, unclear. But G is adamant that this unscrupulous character had committed the act.
Of course G has no proof to support these claims. It could just be that the horse has eaten something that didn’t agree with it. But village gossip being what it is, such a scandal as a equine poisoner at large, will no doubt keep tongues wagging for some time.