Writer’s Block: The X-Files Birthday

I used to love the X Files my early to mid-twenties were spent being almost fanatical about the programme. The first two and a half series were shown on BBC2 regularly on Thursday evening at 9pm. I would set my video, disconnect the telephone and chill out on the couch while I watched the unfolding adventures of Mulder and Scully.

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Hot off the press

Call to restrict Scouse scenes

An anti-scouse group in Manchester is calling for all movies and television shows with scousers in scenes to be given an 18 certificate or banned.
ScouseFree Liverpool told BBC’s Radio 5 Live it wanted to see the change and the government said the idea was “rather well thought out”.

The push – backed by Manchester city council – comes amid research showing young people pick up bad habits from watching films containing Scousers.

One city official said Manchester may even act alone to restrict film access.

Colin Scarborough, the city’s head of public protection and chair of ScouseFree Liverpool, said an adult rating on movies that depict scousers will reduce the number of young people signing on.

“The international evidence…is that one in two children between 11 and 18 who witness scousers in movies actually experiment with – and therefore start – signing on themselves,” Mr Scarborough said of recent research.

Liverpool already carries the unenviable title of Scouse capital of England, with some of the highest scouser rates in the UK.

Mr Scarborough said Manchester wants the British Board of Film Classification to act.

But a spokeswoman for the film board said scenes with Scousers in are already taken into consideration when a film is rated and a blanket 18 certificate for all scouse scenes is “a really good idea”.
“I know of one child that went on to steal wheel trims and car radios, another entered into a life of crime after watching an episode of Brookside” the spokeswoman said, adding an extensive public consultation has already examined the issue to come up with existing guidelines.

For example, if a character popular with children such as Harry Potter was somehow from Liverpool or seen talking to Scousers, the film would be rated accordingly, she said.

“We would take that very seriously,” she added.

Dr Stacey Anderson, of the UK Centre for Scouser Control Studies, said the evidence of Scouser’s influence on young people is very clear.

“The more scousers a child views in films and television, the more likely they are to take up signing on or shifty behaviour,” she said of the scientific evidence gathered in the United States and elsewhere.

Dr Anderson said characters do not even have to be scouse for there to be an adverse influence, just the sight of the Liver Buildings or St Johns Tower has an effect on youth attitude.

She said if part of the role of the film board is to protect young people from potential harm, then being scouse should be included in those considerations.

Mr Scarborough said if the BBFC is not prepared to adopt an 18 certificate then the city of Manchester will consider using licensing laws to bring in its own stricter ratings for films screened locally.

Who the fuck are you?

Two things are annoying me at the moment. One is Ascot and the other is Jenni Trent-Hughes. I’ll come to Ascot in a later post.

Jenni fucking Trent-Hughes has been a guest on BBC Breakfast talking on a variety of topics this week. From the look of her site and her fucking Wikipedia entry she is some sort of selfstyled gob on legs.

Take for example the variety of topics discussed this week on Breakfast.

Monday

Bill Turnbull – Today we are discussing childhood poverty and I’m joined today by childhood expert Jenni Trent-Hughes

Tuesday

Dermot Murnaghan – Today we are discussing the use of salt in breakfast cereals and I’m joined today by columnist Jenni Trent-Hughes

Wednesday

Sian Lloyd – The use of lego in torture centres across the globe is a concern to all and sundry. To discuss this I am joined by Jenni Trent-Hughes

Thursday

Bill Turnbull – Just who or what killed Ötzi the Iceman? A mystery still unsolved today, to help discuss this I’m joined by our resident expert on every fucking topic known to man, woman, their dog and their second cousin twice removed Jenni fucking Trent fucking Hughes

Like who the fuck is she?! This morning she was there with Bill and Sian and some hideously frightful banshee shrieking on about the socio-acceptable use of mobile phones. Speaking on our behalf. Like she was societies chosen spokesperson. Well I got news for you missis. You’re not my spokesperson!

So she sits there all smug and she has this air of superiority about her discussing things in her matter of fact way. Joking with Bill and Sian like they’re in some sinister kinky sex cult. Same time, same channel, every day. Where do they find these freakish people from? If they asked me to talk on something like quantum physics or the effect of bananas on the Finnish economy or the Socio-Economic History of the Ottepki Tribe 2863BC-238AD, all subjects I know little about, I too could spout shit for five minutes in a convincing and yet authoritative way. I’m sure, if hard pressed, the BBC could find a different person to talk authoritatively about everything and anything they know fuck all about simply by boarding a commuter train first thing in the morning or even nipping out to the local fucking corner shop. I really don’t want to see her face on my TV again. Well maybe not entirely….I’m sure JTH is knowledgeable about some things but fucking hell… enough! Please!

Course nobody outside the UK will probably find this post relevant but there you go….

Addendum: This post originally appeared on Livejournal in 2007. A comment was made proporting to be from Ms Trent-Hughes and a rebuttal made. Ms Trent-Hughes has not been seen on BBC Breakfast since. Can I have her job?

Money

There was a thing on the breakfast telly this morning about how the credit card companies have got these wrist band things that you wave about in front of a scanner instead of handing over cash. True to form this got me thinking.

Reasons I like having cash in my pocket

  • It’s handy
  • Soon as I have money on my person people remind me I owe for this that and the other
  • I like to jiggle the coins in my pocket when I’m waiting or loitering
  • Coins can be used to undo some screws
  • The feeling of weight in ones pocket is weirdly assuring
  • You can put it in your sock and bash people on the head with it
  • I can pay people for things

Reasons I don’t like having cash in my pocket

  • It sometimes falls out and slips down the side of the couch
  • The though of carrying some plague victims coinage round in my pocket makes me feel uneasy
  • It jingles when you run
  • People have this uncanny psychic knowledge that you have cash and they want some for something or other
  • Living in the back-o-beyond means to obtain cash I need to drive 4 miles to the nearest cash machine

Replacing it with a wrist band…hmmm I dunno…that just makes me feel futuristic. I don’t like that.

The drive to work is becoming tedious. Like nearly every day theres a different stretch of Pontefract Road with some form of road works on it. The journey back isn’t that much better (I go a different way home than I go to work) and made worse by idiot drivers who seem to be pandemic across the Yorkshire region.

  • In the UK “Give Way” means give way to oncoming traffic. It doesn’t mean get pissed off with people because they wont let you out at a junction.
  • If there is a parked car on your side of the road and going round it would mean you are travelling in the oncoming lane you GIVE WAY to oncoming traffic not chance your luck at squeezing in between.
  • Failing to indicate on roundabouts, parking on tight bends and not using the correct lane on a roundabout all seem to be a popular pastimes.
  • The few courteous drivers that there are here are too courteous letting every fucker and his wife in at junctions

Last night I took it upon myself to clean the innards of my computer. I took all the components out and put them in the dishwasher So I took the side panel off and sucked out the biggest dust puppy I’ve ever seen. No wonder my computer was overheating! Dust puppy!? More like dust Doberman!

I also took the opportunity to remove the Soundblaster Audigy that I never use (the motherboard’s onboard sound card is much better IMO) and put in the TV Card I never use. It was only after I’d put everything back in place that I realised the analog signal for TV in the UK is being switched off soon (2010 or summat) which will render the TV card defunct. Furthermore, the reception in my lead lined house could only manage a grainy picture of Lord Levy, attributed to the crappy portable aerial I had to use. So I think I’ll whip it out again. Likewise I’ll disconnect the scanner I never use and free up some system resources.

Anyway the dust clearing worked and the temperature thingie registered a cool 46°C rather than the warm 53°C. Maybe now Rollercoaster Tycoon 3 will work without rebooting every time a complex bit of graphics is drawn. Thats something that is really pissing me off at the moment because like every time I sit down to play it something happens and I have to go elsewhere or the system reboots or aliens attack my room or the stock markets crash or something. I’m very close to giving it up as a bad job and just watch crap TV all night instead.

Last night I also watched the penultimate episode of 5 Days on BBC1. I reckon I know who did it now 😉