I want to be….A BBC Breakfast Expert

p01vlgx0I love BBC Breakfast. Much more now that the awful strumpet Suzanna Reid has moved on to channels I never watch.

 

Bill Turnbull is like some calming midweek Uncle, regaling the viewers with tales of bad news from around the UK and the rest of the world. Steph McGovern is like a big sister with a sensible job and all the knowledge and advice about what you can do with your pocket money. Carol Kirkwood is like an intoxicated teetotal Auntie that forces you into your raincoat when it’s baking hot sun outside only for the skies to open later on and drown those foolhardy enough to go without.

 

However, what is increasingly annoying about BBC Breakfast is the use of “Experts”. Now I’ve applied for a job at the BBC as an expert before. Of course, nothing came of it so I can only assume that my application was lost in the post.

 

180px-Human-nose
I knows about nose you knows

I think I am much better qualified, experienced and knowledgeable than 98% of the “experts” on the BBC. I know about all manner of topics: Children, fruit, cake, fatty foods, computers, robots, worms, nose picking, pigeons, awful people, legs, BBC Breakfast experts, Children, bacon, little bags of toffee, dirty spoons, children, violence, games, snakes, light bulbs, social media, children, eggs, toy badgers….the list is endless.

 

Please BBC. Please have me on your show. I can talk about anything you like. I sound just as convincing and as knowledgeable as your usual selection of gobshites. Or maybe you don’t want any more gobshites? Instead, why not employ me to do the job of Charlie Stayt, Naga Muncheti or the other nameless and soulless presenters? I have much more personality.

 

Or how about if I did your research for you on slow news days? I too can research stories without any sound backing like DONKEYS GIVE YOU CANCER or ALLOWING CHILDREN TO BREATHE EVENTUALLY CAUSES DEATH or BBC BREAKFAST EXPERTS TALK 100% SHITE?

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Post ItTM

The BBC Breakfast News® had thisTM interesting articleTM about KFCTM and Britains highest pub ® The Tan HillTM (I’ve been there©) who are locked in battle TM over the use ® of the English Language © (Note: Not the American LanguageTM, the ENGLISH LANGUAGE©) and the use of the phrase© “Family Feast”TM

http://news.bbc.co.uk/player/nol/newsid_6630000/newsid_6636900/6636999.stm?bw=bb&mp=wm#
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/north_yorkshire/6644177.stm

What if someone ® copyrighted © every combination of words possible?TM © Would we have to stop using wordstm altogether?®.

Would someone be able to JUST DO IT? This copyright thing could be so misunderstood, even a Finger Lick. King Good might also be an infringement or applying for a visa. It’s everywhere you want to be and everywhere you don’t.Where kids want to be. Ask about it at work. Before you dress. Ask how. Ask now. Ask Sherwin Williams, because life is complicated enough without people slapping cease and desist notices all over the place with regard to copyright infringement. Of course the courts are making more possible. Nobody is safe. The few, the proud, the marines, all could be affected by copyright restrictions and trademark infringements. There’s no Life like it.What happens here stays here. We need to make all the right choices so we can be the first to know. We’re the one. Not them. This is what we do.

Stegzy GnomepantsTM
© Stegzy Gnomepants 2007
® Stegzy Gnomepants is an unregistered trade mark

Now With Added Corrections!