World Cup

On my journey southwards on Friday I witnessed several pranged cars, idiots undertaking, buffoons changing lanes late and several near misses. It got me wondering why, in an early Friday evening, people seemed to be in a rush to get places. It also struck me that most of the drivers, if not all of the drivers, were men.

Then I realised….

Football.

They were all in a rush to get home/to the pub/to their mates in time for kick off.

I cannot understand the urgency. I mean if it’s that bad…record it on your PVR or whatnot. It’s like people who queue all night for devices. People that queue for sports/music/signing events overnight. WTF?

“It’s all part of the experience” they say. Arse I say.

Christine

The Vectra (heap of useless tits it is) decided that it was going to be a naughty girl today and leaked brake fluid all over the mechanic while it was up on the ramp. As a punishment the mechanic (who’s name wasn’t Mike) thought that failing it on it’s MOT would teach it a lesson. And rightly so, I’d have done the same. It also decided that suspension bushes are a bit gay and that allowing them to wear out would make it look a bit raunchy. Well the mechanic didn’t think so. So instead of failing on the emissions and brakes it failed on the brake pipe and the suspension bushes. So that’s only like 3 things.

So another day without a car. To repair the fucker it will cost me approximately £140.

Still it’s cheaper than a new car and I’ll save that in not buying the petrol that I would have bought for the Mondeo.

Mr 10%

Today I bid farewell to the Mondeo. Thank fuck. Lately the drivers door hasn’t been locking correctly and that was just about the last straw. I promise Never to go back to a Ford. They’ve gone shit since they stopped making them at Halewood and my Uncle retired.

Tonight I try to resuscitate the Vectra. I’ve got an Emergency heart starter thing (a battery charger) and I’m going to put on my best doctors outfit (tatty jeans and paint splattered rugby shirt) and revive that old girl. No doubt I will shriek “It lives!” in my best Colin Clive if/when it does start.

Tomorrow I take the Vectra for an MOT.

Man

I had to be all manly today and try and fix two cars. So, after rubbing my face with dirt from the car and rolling a roll up cigarette I stood looking at both cars and pretended I knew what I was doing.

I popped the bonnet open on one of the cars. Poked around inside and tutted.

Having then reached the limit of my mechanical expertise I drove to a scrap yard where I was joined by similarly attired gentlemen who then stood around the Fiesta and tutted, sighed a bit and shook their heads. Eventually a price was plucked out of the ether and £50 later I came away with a new bulb for the Mondeo, a car stereo and a new wheel for the Fiesta.

My job done I settled back down to a less manly state of loading the dishwasher, doing a bit of tidying and moisturising my hands.

Ah the joys of being a modern man.