Here is my latest video offering. It is a sequence of films and stills shot around Norton, where I live, supported with a soundtrack from an unknown source. The song featured appears on a 90 minute mixtape which was given to Mrs Gnomepants V1.0 by a university friend in the nineties. I have no idea what the song is called and I have no idea who it is by. Googlefu has failed me.
Now, considering that Daventry is a crucial Conservative hot spot you would expect a lot of campaigning by the opposition parties. Not so here in sleepy Norton. Sure, European election leaflets have fluttered unbidden onto my door mat but local candidates seem to be few and far between. Considering the election is only a few days away, the opposition candidates had better get a move on if they want possible swing voters to make their minds up.
I have no leaflet for Ms Collins. I knew nothing about her, her policies, what issues she feels strongly about or whether like Mr Smith she likes to have a poo in a field before standing up and fighting builders. With her fists.
So, using my l33t skills and well honed research methods, I had a poke about on the internet to see what I could find out about Ms Collins. It’s scary what you can find about people online, or so they say. Heh, that’s why, I suppose, I don’t use my real name online.
And never have.
Anyway, I know where she lives but where’s the fun in that. I mean this kind of information is given by the election’s returning officer and in the election notices. Turning up unbidden on her doorstep is a bit creepy so I wouldn’t do that. Although I suppose I could go canvassing. You know like candidates do only as a voter…Or will that get me arrested…Maybe not eh?
So the first port of call was Google. Using a bit of Googlefoo, I was able to find Ms Collins’ twitter account. So let’s do this in real time and send her a tweet…
I’ll post her response if it comes….
Her feed seems to be akin to Mr Chris “I’ll block you if you question my insistence that Margaret Thatcher was the best thing that happened to the UK” Heaton-Harris. Jokes, asides and retweets of the odd bit of opposition political linkage. Nothing that says “Hey, intarwebz, I am young and clued up about social media and know how to market myself as a potential politician! Vote for me!”
Nothing that says “I’ll have a fight with navvies in a field if they so much as look at it through the windscreen of a JCB”
In fact there’s nothing. Nothing political…Couple of possible leads but out of decency I won’t mention those. But I did find three Emma Collins on Facebook in the Northamptonshire area. None of which, look like the tiny picture above, they all look like they’re still in school.
Ok, so let’s check the old Twitter feed….
Oooh! Look! She’s replied!
So it’s off to the local press.
Good old Gusher. They are now part of Johnston Press so their website isn’t very good. Their weekly newspaper is often a bit low on gripping local news and is more akin to the old “Man who Once Passed through Daventry Met Elvis” kind of headline. But none-the-less, we should all use our local press or we will lose them. And then where would we be for news about Angry People, new toasters in Estate agents or cats stuck up trees.
Anyway, a quick search on the site brings me:
Not a peep.
A few articles containing the words “EMMA” and “COLLINS” but nothing about our candidate. Meh.
Maybe my skills aren’t as l33t as I think. Maybe Emma Collins is still waiting for her leaflets to come back from Vistaprint. Maybe she’s going to pull out all the stops on Thursday by filling the sky with giant letters explaining what her policies are. Maybe now she’s heard of me, she’ll take me up on my offer of joining me in the White Horse in Norton so she can tell me why I should vote for her.
Or maybe not.
I’ll let you know if she gets back to me before Thursday…
Continuing my insights into the local council elections in Daventry, covering the Weedon ward.
“Parliamentary politics do not belong in local government” – Mr Pritchard, Barnsley
Too true. And yet most local elections end up being a barney between central government sponsored councillors. It makes me wonder where all the funding put into the promotion of the candidate goes, because they surely can’t be spending it on the crappy, poorly spelt leaflets that they shove through the door when everyone is at work.
Today – David Smith, Conservative
This is he. I think. He looks like the kind of person one might have experienced at school. The one who hangs around with the School Governor’s kid as their minion.
I was right…There he is with the school governor’s kid. Chris Heaton-“I block people I disagree with on Twitter”-Harris.
The leaflet that one of his acolytes posted through my door is laid out as a letter on one side and what he’s going to do on the other.
Apparently he is the:
“Local Choice for Weedon Ward”
Which is curious as for once, they’re all local people.
He’s also a “Hard working local campaigner” and he is “Standing up for the issues that matter to you and your family”.
Really? He must be very tired. I look forward to meeting him in the White Horse, Norton, so he can stand and tell me about these issues and why I should vote for him.
He’s lived in Weedon for 7 years with two daughters and two grandchildren. Two grandchildren? Really? At your age?
He is a local business man who has run a successful business for the past few years. What that business is, I have no idea. Perhaps it is yoghurt weaving.
He’s been a member of the Weedon Neighbourhood Planning Group – never heard of them, and believed that local people deserve a say over the way their village looks and feels – That’s nice of him.
He will be campaigning against large scale and inappropriate developments in our future – so that’s the proposed Giant Phallus development scuppered.
He also mentions broadband, the Weedon Bypass and Over development – yes, those pesky washed out photographs are a nuisance.
He hopes to me me on my doorstep during his campaign. I hope so too. Then he can tell me:
– What he’s going to do about fuel prices in Daventry
– How he’s going to increase sustainable employment opportunities in Daventry
– What he’s going to say when he’s enjoying a council tax paid for lunch at my expense (and it better not be “Thanks”)
On the reverse there are three priorities highlighted.
Protecting our villages – He’s going to fight to ensure our villages remain preserved and unspoilt. I look forward to seeing him getting into fisticuffs with 20 burly navvies who are trying to erect a housing estate.
Fight over development in our villages – Yes, Max Spielmann must be stopped!
Give you a voice – I have one. You’re reading it.
He goes on to talk about what has been achieved so far:
Low council tax – really? Can’t say I’ve noticed
Opposition to inefficient windfarms – If they were inefficient, there wouldn’t be so many of them.
Improving frontline services – I’m sure the Tommies will be pleased. Over the top please…
Attracting inward investment into our district – Yeah, that’s taxes in another language. There should be more investment in the area, agreed, but not just at the expense of the people that live here
A new University Technical College – You did that single handed did you? I don’t think so.
Standing up for local people to protect our beautiful countryside – Have a seat mate.
Weekly food waste collection service – An EU requirement, not something you can take credit for I’m afraid.
Supporting DACT and Advice Daventry – How? Please explain.
Free parking throughout our district – Except at the country park.
Working for more affordable housing – Whilst stamping on development and proposals for new housing? That’s a bit contradictory. Please explain.
I smell the freshness of the countryside. Oh no, sorry it’s the shite pouring from your election leaflet.
The offer still stands Mr David Smith. Come and tell me why I should vote for you in the 2014 Daventry Local Elections. Stand up and tell me. Like you promised.