When the Badger met the Clopper Part 4

A while ago I did a poll asking what you would like to know. The winning entry was the Badger (me) meeting the Clopper (the wife ska angelhands

Sosettle down with a good mug of tea, adjust your eye wear and prepareyourself for an epic adventure involving drugs, debauchery, mysticismand more loose ends than a wall of shelves put up by stegzy….Now read on.

Continuing the saga.


So Clair and I are having an illicit affair. Enjoying long sunny days lying in bed shagging. While Dawn, my girlfriend at the time, was being a weirdo, staying in my flat and generally being an obstacle. I suppose the thrill of getting caught was on of the things that kept us going for so long. Dawn never suspected a thing. But others were not so stupid. Others had noticed and were tipping the wink as it where. Meanwhile Ray was lodging at Clair’s flat and generally being a pest too literally making himself at home in an effort to cheat the social housing ladder and circumvent the waiting list. Everything was exciting and going well.

Until Clair’s birthday.

Part 4. The Twists of fate

Ray, Ray’s Girlfriend at the time, Clair, myself, Dawn, a weasel-like young chap called Brian and some other people went to Caesar’s Palace in Liverpool. Caesar’s Palace used to be a popular place to dine until several cases of food poisoning, dirty toilets and shit service made it only popular with the Burberry brigade out for a cheap bite to eat. The atmosphere round the table was charged. Clair and I wanting to show affection for each other but unable to because of Dawn.

This came to a head toward the end of the evening when a slightly sozzled girlfriend of Ray’s threatened to blow the whole charade out of the water and quite rightly too. She argued that it was totally unfair to Dawn for us all to dine in ignorance and that unless we told her, she would and it would get messy. Ray was shocked but sympathetic and relayed this ultimatum back to Clair. There was no choice but to get Dawn home. Later that week Clair and I had a cards on the table heart to heart. Just what was going on? How did we feel about each other? and How were we going to resolve the issue without hurting anyone?

Of course we couldn’t. Such is the nature of messy affairs. Someone inevitably gets hurt. That person to be hurt would be Dawn. I went home and told Dawn what was going on. Why it was going on and how sorry I was that I had been behind her back. She didn’t take it well…but I’ll relate the Dawn side of it in another saga as that too makes interesting reading and possibly may help explain why I did what I did even though there was no excuse.

Weeks later I surrendered my flat to my landlord and moved in with Clair. It was difficult living in a one bedroom flat in a Georgian Terrace. There were three of us and two cats. Over the weeks Ray got more and more irritating and the move was on to get him rehoused. This we did successfully but still he would call round. Let himself in using a key he’d had cut, help himself to our food and lounge about watching telly while I was at work. Clair was unemployed at the time and recovering from depression. Eventually Christmas approached as did my birthday. But first the annual Croxteth Hall Carol Concert  needed to go ahead as usual. During practice who should be there but Guy with Jane. Also putting in an appearance was the lovely Sarah, she was now a fox and she knew it!

Sarah was gorgeous. Every adolescent boy fancied the pants off of her, myself no exception. I made several failed attempts at getting her to go out with me during my teens but gave her up as a lost cause a few years previously and Ray had also shown interest in her in the past. She was there and she wanted to sink her claws into me. Of course, her timing was outrageously bad and I made it clear that I had no interest in her any more. Shocked that I should knock her back for Clair, Sarah hatched a further plan. Remembering that it was my birthday two weeks later she invited herself along to my birthday celebrations.

Meanwhile, Ray was sniffing round Jane like a vulture. He could detect the faint smell of decay on Guy and her relationship. They were engaged to be married, and Jane had only just finished University and wanted to develop her career. Some would say Guy, however, was more traditional in his ways, whereas others would say he had outdated ideas of how a wife should be. [Curiously he still has these ideals (dinner on the table when I get home, do my washing, ironing and cleaning while you’re at it)] . Of course Jane didn’t want this, not one bit, and was pleased with the attention that Ray was giving her.

Things then took  a series of bizarre twists. Within days Ray had somehow wrestled Jane’s affection away from Guy and caused a messy split. Guy, devastated, became a recluse for a few years. Meanwhile, Ray showered Jane with attention, affection and empty promises in an attempt to get her to remove her knickers and become his latest conquest. Jane soon became besotted but Ray often lost interest quick when things weren’t going his way as she was about to find out.

My birthday arrived. To celebrate this and Clair’s new job, I arranged a night in the Dovedale Towers, Degzy from HSE and his mate, Ray & Jane, Clair and myself and anyone else that cared to join me. [Curiously Min & Chris never showed their face I suppose that was the start of the end with them]. Sarah turned up as expected and everyone got very drunk. Sarah piled on the charm offensive and finally when she realised it wasnt going to work she turned her attentions to the only other man who showed her any affection. Ray. They (Sarah & Ray) left together. Jane was of course devastated, months later she packed her bags and left Liverpool for good. Last I heard she was living in Sheffield as a primary school teacher.

This caused me discomfort. A friend had hurt another. I’d always held Guy in a higher regard than I did Ray. I’d known Guy longer and Guy had never got me into trouble in the past. Ray was becoming a liability. Within two weeks Sarah had seen sense and dumped Ray like the lump of shit he was. Ray then went on a destructive downward spiral. He went on a spending spree, bought himself a PC, a new telly, new keyboard, new speakers and a new HiFi. Thing was he didn’t have a new job to pay for it. In fact he didn’t have a new term to go back to college to.

Ray had decided that University couldn’t teach him anything he didn’t already know. His arrogance and lack of responsibility alienated him from all his friends and he became very insular and jealous of me and Clair who now received all my attention. On more than one occasion he tried to divide us and he took every opportunity he could to play gooseberry. Of course I knew if left to his own devices he would. Clair couldn’t see through his deceptiveness and like many other women could not see his deceitfulness and thought he was faultless. I knew he wasnt. I had to strike while the iron was hot.

Ray continued to run up massive debts. He befriended a 19 year old girl from Australia over the internet and spent many late nights chatting to her. This was, of course, in the time before broadband in the UK, and with his late night chats came large phone bills. He didn’t pay the bills and soon found himself disconnected. This didn’t stop him, his next step was to use our internet access, let himself in while we were both at work, he would also come round at 11pm at night just when we were settling down for bed and ask to use our internet. He was trying to worm his way back.

Then the banks started sending him threatening letters and he knew that something was going to give. I anticipated his next move. He would do one of his moon light flits and no doubt attempt to seek sanctuary within our Huskisson Street flat. There definitely was no fucking way that was going to happen. I had to get in there first.

Author: stegzy

Once, long ago, I wrote frequently on Livejournal. I then moved to Blogspot, where I discovered that blogging requires an audience. So I moved back to LJ. Then over to Dreamwidth, back to LJ, up the road of self hosting with Muckybadger before giving up entirely and moving over to Wordpress. It was at that moment I decided I would spread my compostual nonsense simultaneously across the blogosphere like some rancid margarine. And so here I am. I am a badger. But then I'm not really a badger. I am a human. With badger like tendencies. I am a writer, a film producer and a social commentator. I am available for Breakfast TV shows, documentaries and chats in the pub with journalists where I am more than qualified enough to talk confidently about absolute shite and bollocks.

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