You know in films like Lord of The Rings, and the heroes have scoured the countryside for allies and have amassed a tiny army of 9 or 10 people (probably including people like Brian Blessed, Colm Meaney and Sean Bean)? Then someone like Liam Neeson espies the Orcs arriving in the distance. Our heroes feel confident because at that distance there only appears to be about 30 orcs. So they ready themselves with a soupcon of complacency. But then when the Orcs get a bit closer someone like Patrick Allen says something like “Oh my goodness. Mine is the last voice you will ever hear” and points and it becomes apparent that there are in fact over 300 orcs and our heroes poo their pants and run off back home crying to mummy.

Yeah?

Well my life is a bit like that at the moment. Only without the complacency….

• The house move is all going to plan. We estimate that everything should be sorted by the first week in August. Which means we probably won’t be going on our annual sojourn with the Elliots this year (But not to worry there is always next year). The impending move also means that I will be needing to find somewhere to live while I am in Liverpool. Staying with the olds is the only viable option at the moment.
• I am still without a Yorkshire based job,  even after 7 months of filling in job applications and 2 interviews . I am not prepared to go from a well paid job that I hate to a not so well paid job that I will hate.
• My dad is going into hospital for a triple heart bypass at the end of the month. This will mean that he will need extra looking after come August. This is a bit unfortunate as he won’t be able to help us move house, drive or do anything strenuous for the next 6 months. The added stress of having me to stay might also make things difficult.

Of course there are options, some of which are a teeny bit implausible but still options all the same. Here they are in order of preference:-

1. Go 3 days a week at the helpdesk and spend the remaining 2 days looking for work in Yorkshire and get a second job to tide me over money wise. This will mean that Monday-Wednesday I would have to stay at my mum and dads, money will be tighter than a nuns snatch and at least a further 6 months away from the wife and puddies
2. Go 4 days a week at the helpdesk and spend the remaining 1 day looking for work in Yorkshire. Similar to option one only more strain on crumblies and more likely to end in murder.
3. Start applying for menial jobs (envelope licker, stamp sticker, pornfilm fluffer, road hump) in the vane hope that my talents might be spotted by someone who wants to pay me more
4. Remain at 5 days a week at the helpdesk and sleep in the car in the carpark, using the showers in the sports centre and eating at Kimo’s everyday until I either die or get arrested for vagrancy
5. Quit and move. Live with out certain luxuries until such time as I am able to find employment.
6. Go into suspended animation until such time that work is no longer a social norm.
7. Pray that someone opens up the coal mines again and needs someone like me to help out
8. Stuff everything and stay put

Any other (sensible) suggestions?