Had you been in my kitchen just 20 minutes ago you may have witnessed me slicing parsnips. I hate the bloody things. It’s for the wife.

Contrary to widely held belief I am not trying to poison her (though allowing her to ingest parsnip is the equivalent of her allowing me to smoke cigarettes) she requested parsnip to accompany the rather splendid roast (free range locally sourced) chicken that is brewing in the oven.

In other news, I still lack a plumber. We have a lovely new bathroom suite in Gnomepants Manor, only it’s in the dining room rather than the bathroom. This is inconvenient as most people prefer to eat their dinner away from people taking a dump or having a wank in the shower. But until a plumber is found we will have a bathroom suite in the dining room. Like the pikeys we are.

Furthermore, I have managed, despite constant interruption by LJ and other distractions to complete 1.25 of my 5 outstanding assignments. This makes me feel good.

Tomorrow, Doncaster calls.