The Compostual Existentialist

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Long time

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**Ringing Phone**
ManAnswering the phone Hello Generic company, Peter Blogs speaking how can I help?
Person on the other end of the Phone – Hello Is that Peter Blogs?

It’s been a while since I’ve had a call like that. However it is refreshing to learn that such calls have not vanished into nothingness. See I believe that people that make such calls have not really spent that much time in a call taking or making environment. I refuse to believe that such people really are pig ignorant and only want to hear what they expect to hear. Surely people like that don’t exist.

Which, in a round about way, brings me to education. I’ve been lucky enough to observe young people maturing to adulthood who, when I was their age, were but mere itches in their daddy’s scrota. These observations have been made in a number of environments such as secondary schools and universities. Moreover, these observations reveal to me how much teaching has changed over the past 30 years or so.

When I was of schooling age, things were hard. Not only did we have crap text books containing information about “The Great and Glorious British Empire”, pictures little boys of ethnic origin wearing loin cloths and turbans and jolly fat men wearing butchers garments, but I was also instructed that future careers would be limited to the basic groups – Law, Government, Retail and Service. This education, of which I used to be quite proud, also informed me that mensturation was something to do with mathematics (It is isn’t it?).

Career advice when I was at school was utter bobbins. My dream, when growing up, was to cultivate a bushy white beard, don a blue knitted sweater and a captains hat and become a lighthouse keeper where in I would enterain young urchins with farfetched tales of sea monsters, pirates and far off lands in a faux west country accent. Such was my dream. My passion. So when people asked me “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I would reply “I want to be a lighthouse keeper!”.

In those days of pre-internet, information was not readily available. So when told to find out about how one would become a lighthouse keeper my searches were limited to the Ladybird Book of Lighthouses or some such tome. Indeed this dream was only thwarted by my careers teacher telling me, when I was at the age of fifteen, that all lighthouses in the British Isles were automated in 1973 and the chances of me being a lighthouse keeper were nil. Well thankyou very much Mr Brophy.

So my yearning for a landlocked nautical occupation switched to being a coastguard look-out. Again, little did I know that lookouts were to be made the subject of cut backs. By the time I realised that such a career was not likely to happen I had investigated the Merchant navy and the customs and excise. All investigations drew a blank. My careers teacher used to just shrug, smirk or both. My peers all had normal ambitions, Politicians, journalists, lawyers, aeronautical engineers, police men, nurses. Me? Well I had to be different didn’t I?

Now in my later years I look around me and I see loads of fantastic jobs. I see jobs that had I been made aware of them in my youth I’d have gone “oooh I’d like to work as a quantum mechanical pseudo protozoic sub-general wiggitor” or whatever. Of course a great deal of traditional jobs, miner, baker, fishmonger, explorer etc are now fading into obscurity. Oh yeah I know I could probably set myself up as a baker tomorrow, but without the artisan skills and years of apprenticeship that goes with it. Such a baker would probably make big heavy blocks of dough rather than actual bread. But you get my meaning, traditional jobs are going, out with the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker. It will come to pass that those of us with traditional occupation surnames such as Fisher, Baker, Butcher or Mudlark will lose the meaning. Happy Families will no longer be relevant. Children will grow up without ambition other than to be famous for doing fuck all.

Unless, of course, we take some drastic action. All it would take is a brave careers advisor to encourage people with traditional occupation surnames to take up the traditional occupation as a career. Further more, I propose that people who already do a job without a traditional occupation surname should drop their surname in favour of their current occupation. So for example, billzy would become Mr billzy Computerhelpdesk; elephantgiraffe would become Mr elephantgiraffe Chef; zoefruitcake – Ms Z Librarian; a person working as an advertising manager would become Mr/Mrs/Ms Advertising-Manager and so on and so forth. New artisan careers will be preserved in history and the world would be a better place for it.

See…keep reading my journal and you’ll soon learn I have solutions to nearly all the world’s problems…….

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Author: stegzy

Once, long ago, I wrote frequently on Livejournal. I then moved to Blogspot, where I discovered that blogging requires an audience. So I moved back to LJ. Then over to Dreamwidth, back to LJ, up the road of self hosting with Muckybadger before giving up entirely and moving over to Wordpress. It was at that moment I decided I would spread my compostual nonsense simultaneously across the blogosphere like some rancid margarine. And so here I am. I am a badger. But then I'm not really a badger. I am a human. With badger like tendencies. I am a writer, a film producer and a social commentator. I am available for Breakfast TV shows, documentaries and chats in the pub with journalists.

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