The Compostual Existentialist

Wordpress flavour with added crunchy bits

What’s behind the door?

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So I’m taking my car out of the garage to take the recycling having spent all day tidying.

It was a bit stiff to open but as it’s cold I thought that was probably because of the weather. As I close the door I hear a ping and the door goes all wobbly and wouldn’t shut. So I have a look and notice that the bit of metal that holds the door to the runner has broken.

“Great!” I thought. I’m going on a journey from Sunday and I don’t fancy leaving the garage door open all week. So I ring me dad. He doesn’t know what to do and can’t really help what with being 80 miles away. So I think OK I’ll call the insurance, see if it’s covered. Then I discover that the garage isn’t covered because “It is not attached to the building”. Well that’s just great.

So after speaking to a lovely girl from Norwich Union who was having a shit day too, I looked through the yellow pages to see if there were any emergency garage door repair people. No. Not this time of year.

So then I realised I was all alone. G the Human Dog was not around. I had to try and fix this myself. So I put on my overalls and looked at the door. I sucked air through my teeth and tutted. I sighed. Tutted again. Sucked more air through my teeth, shook my head then had a cup of tea. After my cup of tea I stood by the door again. Sucked air through my teeth, as is the way, tutted and then shook my head once more. I then went to the shop to see if they had the part. I was gone for an hour. Then came back and said to myself “Well, its a strange model mate, what you got there is a B29na6x and they don’t make them no more. It needs a part but the shop couldn’t order the part in until the new year like.”

I then sighed. Tutted again. Sucked more air through my teeth and said “Well I can have a go but it’ll cost you”

After more standing round looking at the door, more air sucking and tutting I used a clever system of levers (Nameably bits of wood that Mrs Gnomepants had been on at me for months to get shut of) to lever the door into a more manuverable position. Then, using a bit of elbow grease and some levering, I managed to get the fucker shut.

I then invoiced myself £50 plus VAT but I offered to give a £10 discount for cash.

I think I was happy. Still I could have done it for £20 but you know…times are hard like….

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Author: stegzy

Once, long ago, I wrote frequently on Livejournal. I then moved to Blogspot, where I discovered that blogging requires an audience. So I moved back to LJ. Then over to Dreamwidth, back to LJ, up the road of self hosting with Muckybadger before giving up entirely and moving over to Wordpress. It was at that moment I decided I would spread my compostual nonsense simultaneously across the blogosphere like some rancid margarine. And so here I am. I am a badger. But then I'm not really a badger. I am a human. With badger like tendencies. I am a writer, a film producer and a social commentator. I am available for Breakfast TV shows, documentaries and chats in the pub with journalists.

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