The Compostual Existentialist

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Oats

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You can’t get simpler than oats. Oats are so versatile and healthy. Grab yourself a bag of oats, roll them with a roller or what ever, add hot milk or water, season to taste. Simple. Porridge. The food of the Gods.

There was a time when oats weren’t so trendy. You could stand in shops looking for the oats and would often have difficulty locating something oaty. Nowadays, oats are trendy. They are healthy. Their benefits extolled far and wide. When I was a kid we had Ready Brek. All that was was oats. A box of oats. My nan had Scots porridge oats. The difference? Negligible. Perhaps only just the packaging.

Nip down your shop now and you’ll see the shelves burgeoning under the weight of oaty breakfast cereals. Instant oats, bags of rolled oats, crunchy honey coated oat clusters, oaty hoops and more oats than you can shake a stick at. But rewind a little. INSTANT OATS.

How more instant can you get than a hand full of oats heated in milk or water in a pan or microwave? Not really more instant than that. And yet, the consumer is offered a variety of other oat brands. Quaker, Kelloggs, Ready Brek. All sell individual sachets of oats. Each box of sachets contain about 5 servings. Each box costs the consumer upwards of £2.

But wait! How confoundedly stupid of the consumer. Surely the big bag of rolled oats for 50p on the bottom shelf there….surely that’s just add milk and heat…surely? Well obviously not. Because tonight, dear reader, my horror at the stupidity of the consumer, the easily led, the simply hoodwinked, for lo! Behold! COW AND GATE do a porridge ESPECIALLY FOR BABIES! Why? What’s wrong with a good handful of oats? Nothing!

There are people out there who buy this stuff in good faith. Thinking that by spending the extra money they are some how making themselves better, socially, maybe even healthwise. Utter shit blobs. OATS IS OATS. You don’t need to add anything. You need not even use fucking milk to make your porridge. Oats. Plain simple common garden oats. Get yours here.

Honestly I was so angry at the advert that it rivalled the stupidity of the INSTANT PANCAKE MIX (just add milk and egg) I observed in a shop once*. Some people shouldn’t be allowed out with money…….


* – For those less in tune with me here, the instant pancake mix was just plain ordinary flour.

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Author: stegzy

Once, long ago, I wrote frequently on Livejournal. I then moved to Blogspot, where I discovered that blogging requires an audience. So I moved back to LJ. Then over to Dreamwidth, back to LJ, up the road of self hosting with Muckybadger before giving up entirely and moving over to Wordpress. It was at that moment I decided I would spread my compostual nonsense simultaneously across the blogosphere like some rancid margarine. And so here I am. I am a badger. But then I'm not really a badger. I am a human. With badger like tendencies. I am a writer, a film producer and a social commentator. I am available for Breakfast TV shows, documentaries and chats in the pub with journalists.

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