The Compostual Existentialist

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Man

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I have been thinking about this for some time now but I’ve come to the conclusion that I have an inherent need for something.

I need a man.

Not in a gay way you understand, but in a rugged male companion kind of way.

I have been lacking in male company. Sure there are a few of the lads from Uni but they’re young, carefree and untarnished by the rigours of life. What I need is a male figure for bonding, beer, discussions of minor trite and the occasional trip away doing man things. Like frowning, looking gruff and sitting in the sun admiring Mayspheres.

These things are lacking.

Women have it so easy. All they need to do is take up some craft or join the local WI or something then find a local group. Us men…well yeah we could do a sport, but let me tell you something…..not all men like sport. And I fall into that demographic. Besides, groups run by men end up becoming too political or committee led organs that just end up being really annoying. Maybe I’m wrong but in my experience and observation (and I’m pretty good at observation) that is what happens.

Of course being an anathema and not being sporty or owt means that I also find it difficult to discuss things with other men. It’s like sport becomes this fail safe conversational thing and often conversation falls flat.

Him – So yeah did you see the game last night?
stegzy – yes I see it every night, it sits on top of my wardrobe, never played. People don’t seem to want to play Monopoly these days….
Him – Oh…right….is that the time? I must go….I’ve left the outside on……

Ok yeah, there are those that like music, but I find that the males I know who are musicians tend to be a bit too “boisterous” and so I compensate by having more female friends, which itself leads to complications.

Him – So yeah man, I was playing this gig and I ended up with these chicks and they were like all over me and so I shagged them and it was like ace
stegzy – But don’t you find that sort of behaviour is just degrading to women?
Him – Are you gay?
stegzy – No. Honest.

Then there are the nerdy computer geeks who constantly vie for some sort of superiority. Constantly arguing about which operating system is better or how many gigs of RAM they managed to cram into a desktop last week, they’re usually either gay, obsessive or have that strange musty “just wanked” fragrance pervading their CAT5 cable crammed home. Which they share. With their mum. Still. At 40.

Him – So yes I think that Windows 3.1 is far superior to Ubuntu but I managed to put 5 gig back onto my dual partitioned Linux box by removing the kernal and replacing it with one of my own coding.
stegzy – Really? Well….is that the time? I must have left the outside on…….

It really doesn’t get any better. It doesn’t get any easier. As age develops it becomes harder and harder to break into social circles and so there must be bedsits, apartments and houses full of men like me out there. Men like me that have a low idiocy tolerance threshold, a high distrust of sport and it’s homosexual connotations and an urge to just sit in some pub somewhere, talk shite for a couple of hours each week and maybe share some sort of non-sexual male bonding experiences that don’t involve running up and down a field in underpants chasing after a ball.

Men like me, scared of speaking to other men in case they are seen as some sort of weirdo, uncool person or sexual predator. Or worse, some sort of fascist meat head who once involved would do unspeakable things to sisters and other female relatives.

Think I’ll just stay at home.

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Author: stegzy

Once, long ago, I wrote frequently on Livejournal. I then moved to Blogspot, where I discovered that blogging requires an audience. So I moved back to LJ. Then over to Dreamwidth, back to LJ, up the road of self hosting with Muckybadger before giving up entirely and moving over to Wordpress. It was at that moment I decided I would spread my compostual nonsense simultaneously across the blogosphere like some rancid margarine. And so here I am. I am a badger. But then I'm not really a badger. I am a human. With badger like tendencies. I am a writer, a film producer and a social commentator. I am available for Breakfast TV shows, documentaries and chats in the pub with journalists.

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