The Compostual Existentialist

Wordpress flavour with added crunchy bits

Bah Humbug – Day 5

1 Comment

Rather than actually do some work…yaddayaddayadda. Background noone is arsed about yadda yadda yadda …..blah blah. Christmas blah.

Day 5 – Christmas Music

It is fortunate to live in Gnomepants manor at this time of year. Especially as the house looks dark and spooky without the lights on outside. Moreover, there is no doorbell on the front door and you have to sneak down a passage to get to the tradesman’s entrance.

Why is this fortuitous?

Well, kids are normally scared of coming round to beg. Now don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against carol singing. Sure, I did it myself as a youth. Calling into old peoples homes to sing a carefully practiced variety of carols including classics by Rutter, Holst and Sharples. Yes, ok, it a was middle class kid thing to do and the blue bag bless the little enterprising scrotes that are brave enough to call and sing. But, as I’ve written before on LJ, if you want to get paid, you have to sing something other than We Wish you a Merry Christmas. However, though I am fairly safe from the caterwauling of preteens, I am not safe from Christmas musak. Neither are you.

Carol_Singers

I’ll wish you a fucking merry christmas

I really cannot explain the reason why shops have to pipe endless Christmas classics through their PA systems. Nor can I understand the endless appeal of Jona Lewis’ Stop the Cavalry. If I actually still went Christmas shopping I would probably have tracked down Mr Lewis and shot him with a World War 1 rifle myself.

What I do understand though is that if you can work the phrases “Get up it’s morning” “Happy Birthday” and “It’s Christmas” into your song, you’re guaranteed an instantly lucrative annual royalty payment. By slowly irritating the masses with your cheerful “Be happy you miserable fucker it’s Christmas” message you are writing yourself into the annals of music history.

1512_slade_wideweb__430x281

It’s fucking Slademas

So what I propose is this. Instead of having to listen to culturally enforced saccarine Christmas cheer for the entire month of December, why not put some nice industrial atmospherics on a Walkman or Ipr0d instead? Maybe even Crazy frog would be less annoying? (Or is that a step too far do you think?) Or, controversially, how about an embargo on shops that play Christmas music?

This would surely lead to having to buy off market stall holders and dodgy looking pikelets selling 5 lighters for a pound thus stimulating micro-economies and bankrupting the last of the musicians who think they can sit on their fat arses all year round just because they once sang about waking up on their birthday one Christmas.

Advertisements

Author: stegzy

Once, long ago, I wrote frequently on Livejournal. I then moved to Blogspot, where I discovered that blogging requires an audience. So I moved back to LJ. Then over to Dreamwidth, back to LJ, up the road of self hosting with Muckybadger before giving up entirely and moving over to Wordpress. It was at that moment I decided I would spread my compostual nonsense simultaneously across the blogosphere like some rancid margarine. And so here I am. I am a badger. But then I'm not really a badger. I am a human. With badger like tendencies. I am a writer, a film producer and a social commentator. I am available for Breakfast TV shows, documentaries and chats in the pub with journalists.

One thought on “Bah Humbug – Day 5

  1. Pingback: Christmas Music – Intro | The Compostual Existentialist

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s