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For some time now I have been fascinated by the origins of surnames (or last names if you want to be all modern and right on). My own surname Gnomepants stems from the Greek Gnomos Pantalonkikos which is a trade that was popular in ancient Greece. People would flock to ancient Athens and Crete to visit…
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Cat! Cat! What are you doing? You’re in a carrier bag You best not be pooing Cat! Cat! Get out of there I need that bag For my underwear Cat! Cat! You soft black brute How can I be angry When you are so cute?
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I once read an article was about physical assaults on driving examiners, how they are on the rise and how the union of driving examiners says it’s all down to the culture of not taking No for an answer. Having worked in the service industry for some years now I am all too familiar with…
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I sit and wait for you to come To the door I sit and wait for letters to drop Onto the floor Some times you’re early But you’re never late I suspect you’re quite burly By how you shove the gate Giros, postcards And bills Letters, death threats and thrills Parcels, Junkmail Fingers Squashed snails…
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In the wooly wilds of North Wales, there is a place dear to me. A peaceful place. A place where magic awaits. A serene place where the only loud noise is the occasional jet fighter from Valley flying over head or the farmer making bales of hay. This place is nearly unpronounceable at a campsite…
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There is a man He is quite cheery Every morning When my eyes are bleary He comes up the path Whistling a tune Be it Dark November July or June In his hand are bottles White and creamy He delivers the milk While I’m still dreamy Juice and eggs He does too Loaves of bread…
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I’m looking forward to dinner. It’s dinner time. Tonight, I will dine on fine pork sausages with a bacon sandwich side and chips. Nothing else. Just that. The bread of the sandwich will be fried in the bacon fat, just like my nan used to do for me, only on one side. I will dress…
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I love BBC Breakfast. Much more now that the awful strumpet Suzanna Reid has moved on to channels I never watch. Bill Turnbull is like some calming midweek Uncle, regaling the viewers with tales of bad news from around the UK and the rest of the world. Steph McGovern is like a big sister…
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So I’m driving home from work and I’m listening to the wireless and the Home service Radio 4. The programme being broadcast was about a newspaper editor from Zimbabwe and how he is adapting to life as an asylum seeker in the UK. One of the main differences, he pointed out, between Harare and the…
The Compostual Existentialist 
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