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First Posted on Livejournal in 2006. **Cue Cheesy Big Band Music** **Audience applause** Announcer:- Ladies and Gentlemen… Live from the heart of Livejournal …. It’s the Tosser of the Day awards…..and here are your hosts….Terry Forsyth and Fern Finnegan **Audience applause** Enter: Host Terry Forsyth; Big chins, big toupé, big ego and Fern Finnegan;…
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Day 24 – People that moan about Christmas Miserable fuckers. All they do is bring everyone down. “Oh I hate Christmas, it sucks” and “It’s not as good as it used to be”. Personally, I think by doing away with the whole festive season you would actually do away with these incessant moaners. Sitting there with…
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Day 23 – Dinnertime So there I am. I’m sat waiting for my dinner. My tummy rumbles and groans as the perfume of roasting meats and vegetables permeate the air. But because my eldest brother is working late we have to wait for him. Of course this means that the usual Christmas day dinner time…
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day 22 – giant green radioactive maggots There is simply just nothing more frustating about christmas than giant green radioactive maggots. They’re everywhere! I really cannot see the appeal or see any reason why people insist on having them. All they do is ooze slime all over the place and lay eggs in the ears…
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Day 21 – Traffic Chaos Much akin to the problems with snow, the Christmas period is renown for traffic problems. This year, it seems, is no exception. If it’s not snow causing gridlock and road closures it’s everyone travelling at once to get from A to B. Traffic jams, slow moving queues and giant maggots…
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Day 20 – Mad Friday Venturing into Barnsley town centre on the last Friday before Christmas is possibly the stupidest thing to do ever. Unless of course you like thronging crowds of pissed up Yorkshire people vomitting, fighting and being squeezed like sardines into the variety of bars and clubs there are in the metropolitan…
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Day 19 – Nuts Nothing says Christmas more to me than nuts. I love nuts. Especially walnuts. Hazelnuts are ok, Brazil nuts are a pain in the bum to get out of their shell, peanuts make me snore and almonds…well I can take or leave almonds. But I love the nuts. Can’t get enough of…
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For the next couple of weeks I am on a cruise around the Caribbean. This is a joint celebration with both my 40th birthday and Christmas falling within that time. So far I have been to Barbados, Grenada, St Lucia and Dominica on the journey with more destinations to come. I keep having to remind…
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Day 18 – Snow Though not entirely a Christmassy thing snow is one of those things that really irritate about the season. Well…maybe not the snow…But the British reaction to snow….that’s a different matter entirely. A case in point was last night. All this week the news on the telly and radio has been “ZOMG…
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Day 17 – Birthdays Now those that profess to knowing me in a personal capacity will know that today is my birthday. Now what has this got to do with Christmas you may ask, well don’t ask me….ask the many other people that suffer the unfortunate circumstance of being born in December or during the…
The Compostual Existentialist 