Day One: Unlock the Mind

I’m looking forward to dinner. It’s dinner time.

Tonight, I will dine on fine pork sausages with a bacon sandwich side and chips. Nothing else. Just that.

The bread of the sandwich will be fried in the bacon fat, just like my nan used to do for me, only on one side. I will dress the bacon with some salad cream in the sandwich and I will also add some salad cream to my plate for the chips.

 

This meal is really unhealthy. My doctor would suck air through his teeth and tut at me. But I don’t care. This is my meal. My comfort food. My happy food.

 

For some it’s pizza, for others it’s a home cooked stew. For me, it’s a plate of sausage with a bacon sandwich and chips.

 

I can smell the sausage cooking. Right now. I am salivating in anticipation. I haven’t even got round to cooking the bacon yet!

 

It will be fried bacon. I can’t see the point of grilling.

 

Sure grilling will make it healthier but fried bacon is so much tastier. Fattier sure, and why waste the fat? It’s the best bit.

 

Vegetarian readers will probably frown at the prospect of the meat feast ahead. I don’t care. If you tasted as good as bacon, I’d eat you too.

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Sundae Sunday

On Sunday I was overcome with the burning desire for an ice cream sundae. The urge took me much in the same way as I imagine a smack head might desire heroin. So, jumping into the car, I made headway to Sainsbury’s wherein I purchased the necessary ingredients to make a delicious raspberry ice cream sundae.

As you can see I bought all the necessary ingredients including some essential for a dairy free sundae Sunday treat for Zoe, who is allergic to dairy.

Ten minutes of sculpting ice cream, poking flakes and scattering chopped nuts the results emerged.

The one on the right is the dairy free one.

They were both devoured with a speed faster than the two donkeys I got in the Grand National office sweepstakes.

Lunch math

This time last year I was going to Kimo’s most lunch times (well once or twice a week) I didn’t put on much weight.

This year I have mostly been having ham or turkey salad sandwiches (no mayo) and a bag of doritos. I am ballooning like the Hindenburg.

This time last year I walked about 2 miles a day. This year I drive door to door.

Therefore if

unhealthy burgers + 2 miles walking=static weight

and

healthy sandwiches + 0.5 miles walking = weight gain

we can see that

weight gain = static weight + healthy sandwiches + 0.5 miles walking

Which means

weight loss = Static weight – healthy sandwiches + 0.5 miles walking

and static weight = burgers + 2 miles walking

Therefore dinner = 2 miles walk to burger shop