The Compostual Existentialist

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Local Elections 2014

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Daventry, Northamptonshire

It’s the local elections in Daventry in May this year. As readers of my last post will recall I mentioned that I do something during election time. As long term readers will recall, every election time I offer the opportunity for all candidates to present their case as to why I should vote for them to me personally, in my local pub over a pint or on my couch over a cup of tea.

 

Historically, I have offered this opportunity since the dark days of Livejournal when I lived in Liverpool and only had two candidates to choose from in my local area. Since then I have offered it both in Barnsley and Leamington Spa where no candidates took me up on my offer.

 

I was almost not going to bother this year but something happened last year when I moved to Daventry that made me think I’d give it another go.

 

Daventry is an odd place. It’s older than the hills and yet as modern as Milton Keynes or Warrington. It was as if Daventry was used as a practice during the design of new towns. Thoughtfully zoned areas linked by expressways and peppered with green space. It’s lovely. Internet is a bit pants mind but I couldn’t think of anywhere nicer to live. Except maybe Monaco. Or maybe Bonaire.

 

The people are very friendly in a way that is akin to one of the more northern areas than one would expect from a small provincial town teetering on the borders of the great North South divide. Yes, that’s right, people actually talk to each other. Something unthinkable in London.

 

doortodoor

Knock knock

Last year when I moved to Daventry I had a knock on the door from a canvassing local politician. I was so shocked. Unfortunately I had only just moved into the area and hadn’t had time to register to vote in time for the election.  So I would have been wasting his time.

Since then I have tried to become more involved with local politics when my work allows. I’ve done this by annoying the local MP Chris Heaton Harris by asking him, via Twitter, to think about his heroine, Margaret Thatcher’s, impact on miners which resulted in him blocking me and having my tweet removed from my feed.

 

COLLINS, Emma Clare  — Labour Party – misguided neo-socialist

GALE,  John Clifford — UKIP — Fascist racist banker party

PRICE, Tom — Trade Unionist and Socialist Coalition – Self explanatory

SALAMAN Christopher Robin — Liberal Democrat — Wishy washy  party

SMITH David — The Conservative Party –—Look after the Bankers Party

 

None of which seem to inspire. None of which actually say anything about themselves on the internet. None of which have knocked on my door and asked how they can represent my interests on the council.

 

The last time I had this level of choice was when I lived in Liverpool and had the option of BNP (Racist wankers) or Labour.  Of course Labour won that particular election but only by 4 votes or so. It’s like having to choose between horrible death by red hot nails being driven into your eyes and dying from an eye infection of red hot nails .

 

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White Horse in Norton

Every election I tell myself, the next time, I’m going to run. As an independent. Make a really good marketing campaign and actually put myself out there.

 

Its simple. Engage with your voters, convince them you’re not as bad as the others, make and keep promises and don’t be one of those tossers who tweet shit jokes and referee bollocks on Twitter all day. (Heaton-Harris, yes I mean you!). Actually engage with the electorate. Be accessible and accountable.

 

And so once more I open my offer to Mssrs Collins, Gale, Price, Salaman and Smith…get in touch. Speak to me. Let’s chat. Tell me what it is that makes you so deserving of my vote. We can do it over a pint in the White Horse in Norton or you can come and have a cup of tea with me, the cats and the missis. You can bring the press along too. Make a big deal of it. I’m sure the Daventry Express or Gusher as it is known in these parts would love the scoop. Barnsley Chronicle did (or at least they kept my letter to them on file for shits and giggles).

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I’ll have you Copper…

AD9W4ATomorrow history is made.

Not something like the creation of a cure for a terminal disease. Nor (hopefully) some catastrophic event where millions of lives are snuffed out in a moment. Nor is it something like finding a teaspoon on Mars.

No.

Tomorrow the British public elect regional Police and Crime Commissioners.

What’s that?

You read right. The British public….that’s me and the people around me….elect….as in vote for, like you would for say, a president or MP….. regional….as in local….. Police and Crime Commissioners1…..Big decision making honchos in the police force.

The end of an era. A moment in history.

So you would think that such a monumental moment in history would be heralded with fanfare, instruction and promotion. Well…you would be wrong. Here in sunny Royal Leamington Spa there has been little in the way of canvassing. 

voteryMuch like during the local and general elections the half hearted mehness of the candidates is not giving me insight into who to vote for nor is it inspiring me to vote. Regular followers of my blogs (Hi Louenne) will probably remember during the local elections in Barnsley I challenged the candidates to come to my house and suggest why I should vote for them. Nobody did, so I voted for an outsider. I also complained of a similar lack of canvassing during the general elections.

I later wrote a piece about local MP Jeremy Wright who, until recently, had only discussed chickens once in Parliament, now seems to be a most prolific letter writer in his new job in the ministry of Justice2

For the Police and Crime Commissioner of Warwickshire there had been nothing much until Mrs Fruitcake received a card addressed to her from the local independent candidate Mr Ron Ball. [http://www.ronball4pcc.co.uk]

1061559606Ron Ball seems to be on the ball. A simple leaflet with a brief résumé, a picture of him and the statement “KEEP PARTY POLITICS OUT OF POLICING”. Nice. 

Mr Ron Ball says that if he is elected he will :

Strengthen policing

Ensure no reductions in policing

Spend money on nice offices for him to use

That’s fairly honest. I mean what else could he say? Nothing, I noted about the commissioning of crime. But maybe he doesn’t really want to advertise that bit.

So like in Barnsley, as Mr Ron Ball was the only person to bother to send some information about himself and why he was standing even though it wasn’t addressed to me, he was going to get my vote.

That is…..Until last night.

Two days before the election a leaflet lands on the mat. This time from the LABOUR Police and Crime Commissioner Candidate – James Plaskitt. [http://www.jamesforwarwickshire.co.uk]

Hurrah! Someone else to consider.

rly8qdhdlyqyo4xytnq2Mr Plaskitt says he will:

Strengthen policing

Make sure there are no reductions in policing

Spend money on nice offices for him to use

Ok. So that’s pretty much standard then. Then…at the top of the back page….

“I WILL KEEP POLITICS OUT OF POLICING”

How? Hang on, you’re the LABOUR PCC candidate. And you’re going to KEEP POLITICS OUT OF POLICING?

That’s like Jimmy Saville running for Child Protection officer saying “KEEP MOLESTATION OUT OF CHILDRENS HOMES”

I don’t get it.

picture-9089As yet Gnomepants Heights is still to receive propaganda from the Conservative candidate, Fraser Pithie [http://www.fraserpithie.org.uk/] . Being a Conservative area he probably thinks “I don’t need to do anything as people in this area automatically vote for conservative here anyway. I mean if Adolf Hitler was standing as a conservative then people here would vote for him.”

 

 

But no doubt he will say that he will:

Strengthen policing

Make sure there are no reductions in policing

Spend money on nice offices for him to use

While probably also keeping politics out of policing.

Hmmm. In all that’s like saying “Vote for me and I’ll do the job” which is to be expected. But it’s so confusing. It’s like being asked to pick your favourite pot of jam. Where all the jams are the same flavour and brand.

Especially as I notice a distinct sweeping resemblance. They all look the same. Perhaps they are. Maybe they are all the same person Surprised smileSo I’ll put the challenge out there.

Dear Messrs BALL, PITHIE and PLASKETT.

I, Stegzy Gnomepants, challenge you to come to my house and tell me why I should vote for you.

I won’t tell you where I live. You must prove your policing skills by using detective work to find me. If you find me and tell me why you’re the person I should vote for you’ll get my vote. And a photo opportunity.

Lots of love

Gnomepants

I’m not holding my breath. My challenge failed in Barnsley. However all this insight into the candidates might be in vain. During research for this article I came across several items about voter apathy. Interestingly enough, one about apathy in Barnsley. [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-20301308]

I’ll let you know if anything happens.

 

 


1 – A person that commissions both Police and Crime? Who would commission crime? “Oh we need more burglaries in that area and we should have some more stabbings in that area….”

  2 – Granted, Mr Wright is doing an important job in Parliament now and no doubt his wrist is swollen due to the 3-4 letters he writes each day. But my point remains, he doesn’t seem to be doing much specifically for the Coventry and Warwickshire area. He’s too busy you see….writing letters about prisons and the cost of jam in police cells.