Individual, you are charged with capital malcompliance. Anti-citizen status approved.

animal blow flies bluebottles blur
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Having readied the Power Armour and renamed Quincy to Dogmeat, I find myself almost prepared to take on any post-apocalyptic scenario. However the thing I cannot be prepared for is other people’s inability to act rationally. As a result, supermarkets and deliveries in rural towns are both empty and virtually non-existent. I’m already eyeing up the dead fly which is stuck between the blinds and the window in the conservatory. It should increase my HP by +1 at least.

For months, on the run up to recent events, I have been saying to anyone that would listen (which is not very many people I must say) that we should be hiding weapons caches in the countryside, ensuring that there are underground networks of vital supplies and intelligence and preparing to fight the rise of fascism which, it seemed was clearly on the rise. Yet here we are, teetering on the dangerous precipice of civil liberty like a foolish Instagrammer doing the planking meme on a rotten piece of wood over a pit of hungry alligators.  Scary times.

man using light control panel
Photo by Clam Lo on Pexels.com

I am already using the amazing skills I spent £30k on getting during the late noughties to analyse the media and, as suggested by my tutors, question everything, look beyond the articles and read between the lines. I have been playing a nice game of predict the future :— 

  • the end of cash (increase of contactless payment, enabling the state monitoring of your purchases)
  • the introduction of state controlled diets (rationing because of supermarket panic buying, easier to control what you consume)
  • the end of independent high street business (restaurants closing, people not buying stuff and the migration to online sales, again easier to monitor consumption) 
  • controlled gatherings of 5 or more (closure and monitoring of people irresponsibly gathering possibly to discuss insurrectionary and treasonous topics in places they cannot be monitored)
  • the introduction of home monitoring devices (Google Home, Alexa, Siri etc) 
  • Sweeping changes in the law disguised as “emergency planning”
  • Shut down of democracy on local level (elections and “non-essential” meetings cancelled)

Isn’t this the kind of state control akin to China, Iran and other places that we have been frowning on for the past half a century? Paranoia? Me being driven completely doolally because of isolation? Overreacting? I certainly hope so. 

Meanwhile, I am going to go about my respectful business in a non-subversive way. I won’t be hiding caches of food, drugs, weapons or ammo in little boxes around the area, I certainly don’t have any bright yellow exclamation marks, nor do I have any quests for you to run for me. However, I do have to ask, Do you have a geiger counter?

Gaming

In my life I have owned or had the use of:-

Grandstand Games Unit
Commodore Vic20
Commodore 64
Amiga 1200
3 or 4 Windows PCs
2 or 3 laptops
and 2 Playstations

During that time I’ve played all manner of games from Pong to my current addiction World of Warcraft. Recently events got me thinking about all the other games I’ve enjoyed playing over the years.

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Wacky WaitersWacky Waiters was a game for the Commodore Vic 20. By today’s standards it was shit. But for a 10 year old it was a fantastic bit of escapism. Basically you had to serve drinks to customers in this weird bar which the tables were reached via lifts. Hours of fun.

blitzBlitz – Of course the Vic20 was shit and there were only a handful of decent games for it the other classic I enjoyed was Blitz. This game involved levelling a city with bombs in order that your plane might land and the pilot can get out and wave at you. My dad and I got rather good at it and we really weren’t bothered by the crappy blocky graphics.

Thunderbirds – With the arrival of my Commodore 64 one Christmas my middle brother Chris and I went forth to Bits and Bytes in Liverpools Central Station (now a cheap leather coat shop) and City Software on Lime Street (which, I found out long after it was closed, was owned by my good drinking buddy and former HSE Cell mate Nick’s relative (dad??)). Anyway during this post Christmas shopping excursion we picked up a copy of Thunderbirds by Firebird software. The premise of which was using Thunderbirds 1 & 2 you had to navigate a maze of tunnels and push coloured blocks out of the way so that the craft could reach their destination. Sadly I have not been able to find screenshots of the game but you can download it here for your C64 emulator. I promise you, gaming does not get any more intensive than Thunderbirds!

Cauldron – On the same shopping trip I also obtained Cauldon. In this game you were a witch that had to collect various ingredients for a potion. You flew round on a broomstick shooting bats and things then did a bit of platform jumping in mazes. It was bloody hard! Furthermore, it was down right impossible to complete because there was no save facility. I remember leaving my C64 and this game running one night and all through the school day because I’d gotten so far into it I didn’t want to lose my place. Within minutes of getting back to play it I was killed out right by a frigging pumpkin! I wasnt happy! A sequel came out a few years later entitled Cauldron II this was equally as hard. You can play it online here

Big Mac – The previous two games were a pricey £5 each. Your pound tended to go a lot further in the 80’s. Probably because the world was in meltdown. Fortunately in the new Sainsbury’s supermarket complex in Woolton somebody had thoughtfully included a news agents. This newsagents sold Mastertronic £1.99 games. Of course £1.99 was a lot of money then but never the less I managed to get at least 1 new game a month by saving my 70p pocket money and foraging under the cushions on the sofa. The one of the best finds was Big Mac . A simple platform romp where the player guides Mac (a poor Mario clone) from platform to platform flipping switches. Delightful!

Phantoms of the asteroid – Another seemingly endless game. You played an astronaut navigating a maze within an asteroid. You had to collect a series of blocks and often had to top up your fuel, oxygen and energy levels. Kamikazi ghosties would appear out of nowhere and bash into you draining your energy. I managed to collect all the blocks but I’d used all the fuel and oxygen dumps up so I could never get to the bit where you finished the game. A great loss and waste of time 😉

Mercenary – I obtained Mercenary as a copy from Ronnie Cham at school. Ronnie was the only other kid in my year to have a Commodore 64 and he was into copying games in a big way. Often I would lend him my games to copy in exchange for copies of games from him. Mercenary was one of the best he gave me (there was another game I got from him which involved landing on a planet to pick up an stranded pilot but you didn’t know if the pilot was a nasty alien or a genuine human. I liked that too but can’t remember for the life of me what it was called) . Mercenary was a primitive vector graphic game where you flew round a city helping out in order to buy a spaceship. There was an easter egg within were you could pilot a piece of cheese about the place. Hours of fun 🙂

Jet Set Willy – I cannot forget Jet Set Willy can I? Manic Miner, Jet Set Willy and Jet Set Willy II were games I would often play for hours on end. Again I never knew anyone that finished these game. A simple platform romp where you guided Willy through his untidy house collecting bottles and stuff. Unfortunatley they didn’t have a save feature where you could return to where you were and I would often get bored and send Willy down the toilet into Hades. Timeless fun.

Frontier: Elite II I picked up my Amiga 1200 from the bargain bucket of the Dixons shop that used to be in Central Station in Liverpool. With it I got Frontier. A space/flight sim again in vector graphics. Looking at the screen shots now one would scoff at their simplicity but you have to remember that when the game came out these where cutting edge! Frontier allowed the player to explore the galaxy, trade and fight pirates. Fantastic stuff. I’ve only ever seen 2 slightly similar games of late Freelancer which was a bit restrictive but seemed to once hold promise of expansion (of course this never surfaced) and the online MMPORG Eve Online which I found too cliquey to actually get anywhere in.

liberationCaptive II – Along with Elite, Captive II helped while away my time on the dole. I would often spend days and days playing this and other Amiga games instead of looking for work. The graphics were crap but the intro movie was stunning and so was the music! It was a type of one player roleplaying game where you guided 4 robots around some cyberpunk futuristic city trying to find out who grassed you up to the coppers and gathering evidence that there were people wrongly imprisoned. You could upgrade the robots with all manner of gubbins and the play went on for hours and hours and hours. I don’t think it actually had an ending but I suppose it taught the player about the futility and mundanity of life.

Civilization – My eldest brother introduced me to Sid Meier’s Civilization. A turn based strategy game about building a civilization. Since that first play of Civ I have bought every version released (though not the add-on packs). Again crap graphics to begin with but like those iconic games before them, cutting edge at the time. One unemployed day I played Civ on my Amiga from 6am to 6am the next day and built a fantastic empire stretching across the globe. Three times. Because I could. A shocking waste of time. But bloody good fun.

UFO:Enemy UnknownUFO was another game for the Amiga that was also available on PC. I was deeply fond of UFO and like Civ, Theme Park, Captive II and EliteII I would dedicate entire days during my unemployed period to trying to complete the game. I managed to complete it on nearly every level of difficulty apart from the super human one. I’d developed strategies and all manner of tricks and tactics to help me win. Unfortunately I should really have been looking for work rather than playing games. But meh! what can you do about it now eh?

SyndicateSyndicate was another cross platform classic. You controlled an army of subversive androids which you used to take over and heavily tax the world. I’d managed most of the levels in this game but the last level was always the hardest when the enemy just kept on coming relentlessly. Still I gave it a bloody good go. They don’t make games as good as this any more. Again the graphics were crap by todays standards but made people ooze with excitement at the time.

Tomb Raider – During my unemployed era, the fuckwit known as Shitbag lent me his Playstation while he went on a “journey of self discovery” somewhere (Butlins with his mam). Bundled with his Playstation came Tomb Raider. If you don’t know Tomb Raider you’ve probably been living in a convent somewhere but basically the player guides sultry proactive archaeologist Lara Croft about mysterious temples around the globe. I absolutely loved this game. In fact I was so smitten with it I broke my two year unemployment status so that I could save and go and buy a Playstation of my own. I completed Tomb Raiders I & II just in time for Tomb Raider III to hit the shelves. But then came the ginger monster Dawn. Girlfriends and computer games do not mix and my Sunday evenings gaming with Chris Herbert soon faded away like the clouds of cigarette smoke that filled Chris’ flat every Sunday night. Dawn suggested I took out a loan and bought a PC so that she could do job applications so in an effort to raise funds the first Playstation went the way of the C64 and was sold through the classifieds section of the Liverpool Echo.

Dungeon Keeper – Ha!! As if that was going to stop me! With the new PC came all manner of new gaming opportunites. One such classic was Dungeon Keeper. In dungeon keeper you were a devil and you had minions. Your minions would help construct a base from which you emitted evil. However the goodie goodie humans would come and try and kill you and it was up to you and your minions to try and prevent this from happening. Hours of gaming fun though not as many as spent on the Amiga games. Still I was impressed enough to fork out on the expasion pack when that came out and also the sequel.

The Sims – I know a lot of you guys like playing the Sims. I did too once until it got a bit too samey and dull. Yeah I too sat there watching my sim go to work, feed, reproduce and get into all kinds of scrapes but it was too close to reality for me and getting up to go to work in order to clothe and feed myself was what I longed to escape from. Still I got an good average of 6 months play out of the entire series (and expansion packs) before my sadistic side came out and I was building disastrous households and bricking up entire families just so that I could laugh demonically at their ghosts causing the new occupants abject terror.

rctRollercoaster Tycoon – Jamie-who-wanks-on-webcams introduced me to RCT. RCT involves designing and managing a virtual theme park on the scale of Alton Towers or Busch Gardens. Cue hours of wholesome fun spent with Mrs Gnomepants building vast theme parks containing all manner of physics defying rollercoasters. My favorite design was one called the “Spinny Spinny Sick Sick”, a corkscrew type coaster with spinning cars, the passengers of which all left the coaster with green faces but they kept on coming back for more! Heh.

This is by no means a definitive list of my favorite games. That would need indepth consideration and I know I’ve missed ton of other games I’ve enjoyed. However you should see this list as a kind of “Best of best of” or a “Games which I have spent more time on than anything else”. More recently I have been tied up with other ground breaking games but nothing as monumental as those listed above. However World of Warcraft has been the only game I’ve played this year and it doesn’t seem like it is going to end (but it will in September when my subscription runs out!).

So what games did/do you like?

EDIT – that game I couldnt remember was called Rescue on Fractalus

Money

There was a thing on the breakfast telly this morning about how the credit card companies have got these wrist band things that you wave about in front of a scanner instead of handing over cash. True to form this got me thinking.

Reasons I like having cash in my pocket

  • It’s handy
  • Soon as I have money on my person people remind me I owe for this that and the other
  • I like to jiggle the coins in my pocket when I’m waiting or loitering
  • Coins can be used to undo some screws
  • The feeling of weight in ones pocket is weirdly assuring
  • You can put it in your sock and bash people on the head with it
  • I can pay people for things

Reasons I don’t like having cash in my pocket

  • It sometimes falls out and slips down the side of the couch
  • The though of carrying some plague victims coinage round in my pocket makes me feel uneasy
  • It jingles when you run
  • People have this uncanny psychic knowledge that you have cash and they want some for something or other
  • Living in the back-o-beyond means to obtain cash I need to drive 4 miles to the nearest cash machine

Replacing it with a wrist band…hmmm I dunno…that just makes me feel futuristic. I don’t like that.

The drive to work is becoming tedious. Like nearly every day theres a different stretch of Pontefract Road with some form of road works on it. The journey back isn’t that much better (I go a different way home than I go to work) and made worse by idiot drivers who seem to be pandemic across the Yorkshire region.

  • In the UK “Give Way” means give way to oncoming traffic. It doesn’t mean get pissed off with people because they wont let you out at a junction.
  • If there is a parked car on your side of the road and going round it would mean you are travelling in the oncoming lane you GIVE WAY to oncoming traffic not chance your luck at squeezing in between.
  • Failing to indicate on roundabouts, parking on tight bends and not using the correct lane on a roundabout all seem to be a popular pastimes.
  • The few courteous drivers that there are here are too courteous letting every fucker and his wife in at junctions

Last night I took it upon myself to clean the innards of my computer. I took all the components out and put them in the dishwasher So I took the side panel off and sucked out the biggest dust puppy I’ve ever seen. No wonder my computer was overheating! Dust puppy!? More like dust Doberman!

I also took the opportunity to remove the Soundblaster Audigy that I never use (the motherboard’s onboard sound card is much better IMO) and put in the TV Card I never use. It was only after I’d put everything back in place that I realised the analog signal for TV in the UK is being switched off soon (2010 or summat) which will render the TV card defunct. Furthermore, the reception in my lead lined house could only manage a grainy picture of Lord Levy, attributed to the crappy portable aerial I had to use. So I think I’ll whip it out again. Likewise I’ll disconnect the scanner I never use and free up some system resources.

Anyway the dust clearing worked and the temperature thingie registered a cool 46°C rather than the warm 53°C. Maybe now Rollercoaster Tycoon 3 will work without rebooting every time a complex bit of graphics is drawn. Thats something that is really pissing me off at the moment because like every time I sit down to play it something happens and I have to go elsewhere or the system reboots or aliens attack my room or the stock markets crash or something. I’m very close to giving it up as a bad job and just watch crap TV all night instead.

Last night I also watched the penultimate episode of 5 Days on BBC1. I reckon I know who did it now 😉

Dreams, Train & Stupid Students

Dreams

I’ve been having a lot of dream re-runs recently. Last night it was the one about trying to get on the London Underground, more specifically at Mudchute (which in my dreams is underground rather than overground or wombling free). To get on the platform I have to go through an old hospital or school, go down old stair wells (often near or in disused warehouses, sometimes containing old steam locomotives). I then have to climb out of a tunnel and onto the platform. Trying to get to street level sometimes proves to be difficult as the stairs are all wrong an’ ting.

Dunno what it is about trains, they feature in my dreams frequently . Yeah I know the train/tunnel imagery, but its not trains going into tunnels and most certainly not a sexual dream. Locomotophilia is not my pot of tea (for one with jam & cream scone) thank you very much. A quick glance at internet and it reveals

TrainsTo see a train in your dream, represents conformity and go along with what everyone else is doing. You have the need to do things in an orderly and sequential manner. In particular, if you see a freight train, then it refers to the burdens and problems that you are hauling around.

To dream that you are on a train, is symbolic of your life’s journey and suggests that you are on the right track in life and headed for the right direction. Alternatively, you have a tendency to worry needlessly over a situation that will prove to work out in the end.

To see or dream that you are in a train wreck, suggests chaos. The path to goals are not going according to the way you planned it out. Or you may be lacking self-confidence and having doubt in your ability to reach your goals.

To dream that you are the engineer, signifies that you are in complete control of a particular situation in your waking life.

To dream that you miss a train, denotes missed opportunities or nearly escaping your death.

Yeah right.

Stupid Students

The university runs some long distance/correspond by email courses. The more observant of you may have noticed their adverts popping up around the internet. Well anyway, most of these courses are postgraduate based courses and I would say that at least 80% of the students of this scheme ring or email back within 10 days of registration to say that they have forgotten their username and password. Which….they would have chosen themselves. Now, yeah ok, I can understand in today’s IT based world where we have umpteen gazillion passwords and usernames, but we get thousands of noobs every September who register for the IT system in exactly the same way. Then we never hear from them again! So why is it that the ones that register at home cannot remember? I dunno.

Which reminds me. Yesterday (or it might have been the day before) a student approached me with a problem.

stegzyYes I can see the problem. Ok now what you need to do is click the right mouse button.
User: **clicks left mouse button**
stegzy No the right mouse button
User: That’s what I did.
stegzy No you didn’t
User: Oh yeah…tee hee….I always get confused
stegzy What are you studying may I ask?
User: Nursing
stegzy Remind me not to get ill when you’re on duty yeah?

And that my friends….is what they call in the trade….a TRUE story. Word for word!