Spring flowers are blossoming everywhere lately. The Camilia at the front of Gnomepants Manor is a shock of pink and looks very pretty. Furthermore, the well tended gardens at the front of the town hall in Barnsley are awash with fragrance and colour. As the daffodils of March die back, the tulips of April thrust skywards bold and proud and here and there blue flowers mix with yellows and light reds. It’s such a lovely sight to see.

Such sights remind me of childhood haunts. One being the hidden garden in Reynolds Park, Liverpool. The garden is a walled enclosure which traps the variety of strong fragrances and the warmth of the Equinoxal sun. Paths lined with memorial benches twist and turn between the flower beds. The benches remind the living of those who have passed before and how much they too loved the area.

Indeed, the gardens in Liverpool’s Calderstones Park, though a shadow of their former self, also pay tribute to those who seek sanctity and serenity in such locations. If you know where to look, there are walled gardens and forgotten Victorian hot houses brimming with fragrance and colour.

It should also be noted that at this time of year the colour green is a lot more vivid than at other times. The new leaves of the privet and yew hedges are striking and the twists and turns of climbing rose bushes ready themselves for their May blossoms.

Do you have a secret garden near you? Do you visit gardens such as these? If not why not? Simply saying “I don’t go to such places because there aren’t any near me” is just a cop out. Get out this weekend. Go see natures show. Rest a while in the sun, breathe in the scents and think momentarily, how people love these places.

Bloody good

So I’m sat here in the garden overlooking the lane with no name. Parasol erected, bench nicely placed in the shade and a can of cool cold beer.

This morning I had a trip to the dentist. £44 for a bit of metal to be stuffed into a hole. 20 minutes work. Tell you, if someone hadn’t told me dentists die young I’d have considered it as a career. Bollocks to that really, the prospect of gazing into peoples gobs to see what yick they’ve been eating has never appealed to me. Still £44 for 20 mins work is not bad going at any rate.

Being out of full time “productive” work means I have been able to enjoy the sun a lot more than I would have over recent years. Typically, in the past, for me at least, the week would be spent swealtering in a hot, air unconditioned office with my sweaty undercrackers eating into my bum crevice and my shirt damp with perspiration. Meanwhile I’d be dealing with irritated irritable fucktards too full of their own self importance to take advice from those that know better who are more irritating than usual because they too would be festering in the heat. Then the weekend would come and with it, clouds laden with rain and misery. Almost as if the universe is telling you that your life is bobbins and that you’re stuck in a thankless job 9-5 365/6 and just to make it worse on your days off you are forbidden to enjoy hot days because you are not some unemployed loafer or stinkingly rich fucktard on some golf course in Surrey.

But these lovely hot days spent whittling in the garden overlooking the lane with no name are sacred. Blessed be. I intend to enjoy them. As come the end of the degree, no doubt I’ll be back in some sweaty bollock office wishing I was at home wanking it off in the garden with a can of cold beer. But until then. Let no man come between me and my afternoons in the garden.

Indeed, I say no man for as I type, whittling away in the garden overlooking the lane with no name, I recall the wife and her edict: “While you were away, I noticed a few other bits you’d missed when painting. You can see to that next week”. So that’s another coat of paint then…..


Brierley Town (it’s a bloody village!) Council paid about £5k for hanging baskets. Five thousand pounds: that’s about $10000 in pretend money. Six thousand pounds on hanging baskets. The proof is here on or about page 7. OK, admittedly £2k went to Cudworth but still that left about £3k for Brierley, Grimethorpe and various other outlying villages in the area.

Hanging baskets