Vintage Vehicles Thing – Ackworth May 2007

Probably the most disappointing thing about the whole thing was that we didn’t just say “No thanks” and carry on driving. In the small print of all the posters in the local shop window and the signs on the roads there was little mention of the £4 adult entry fee. So imagine my surprise on driving through the “Free Parking” gate only to be greeted by a man in combat fatigues grinning like someone about to fleece £8 off unsuspecting tourists.

Bloke – Eeh tha’ll be eight pa’and
Mrs Gnomepants – £8! We dont have enough! Sorry, can we just get out at the bottom? The sign up there said free parking we were just passing through.
Bloke – Oh well…er…well how much have you got spying the £5 note I am brandishing
stegzy – Erm £5…..
Bloke – That’ll do…

I suppose it was a lot less painful than walking through Fitzwilliam wiggling a £5 note in the air and saying “Mug me!”.

Anyway, what i thought would be an interesting collection of steam engines, memorabilia and old tractors turned out to be little more than a showcase of “vintage” cars (There was a Ford Capri there and a Mark 2 Ford Fiesta, they’re no more vintage than my piss). Still it was nice to see some old familiar vehicles in very well kept condition.



Old Capri from a distance



Some of the vehicles were peculiar



others straight out of the 1950’s



Trucks with trucks



Straight out of time



Some in red

Other glorious sites included several marquees of overall suited gentlemen selling what can only be described as the contents of granddad’s shed. Rusty, old motor related things. Like Haynes manuals for Renault 5s, rusty suspension springs, bell pushers from old Atlantean Buses, pipes and things, tat, crap, Junk. No. Really….The wife’s magpie genes nearly caused us to be the proud owner of a couple of new doorbells and a door knocker until the impracticalities of having a bell push from a bus fitted to the back door (yes, we receive our guests at the BACK DOOR, want to make something of it?) and the absurdity in having house fly shaped brass ash tray as a door knocker were realised and had to be placated by a pair of gardening kneel pads for a £1.



Of course this guy was the one of the few that happened to be selling anything remotely useful. Burgers make good wheel chucks apparently.

There were other highlights. Such as when it rained and the view over to Hemsworth, South Kirkby and Brierley Gap and a couple of steam driven thingies.



This is a steam driven musical pipe thingie.

This is what it sounds like in the wind.



There was also a steam driven clang maker. A thing that goes clang which is powered by steam. It went something like this:-

Next to the clangy thing was another steam driven thing. This didn’t go clang. I’m sure going clang might not seem important to some people. But it is. If your machine don’t clang it ain’t worth showing.


To top the whole day off, this steam powered thing feebly spooged water out of a pipe every 30 seconds. I’m sure it had a function once. What ever that function was I have no idea. What I do know is, however, paying £5 to see all that crap instead of the £8 that I should have paid was still a down right con. Bloody farmers.

The exhibition was called the Scammel Exhibition. Scam-me-l. I should have guessed from the name.

Christa Ackroyd

No need to adjust your colour balance here.

Us neighbours. Our neighbours are a funny old bunch. When we moved into our house from Liverpool last August they were all over us, offering us help and kindly advice and hinting at long standing unwritten communal rules like You don’t park there because Mrs So-and-so likes to brush her hair there on a Thursday or Mr Thingy likes to have the gate closed to the tune of the Dambusters on a Friday except in October when he prefers it covering in weasel fur. As the months have passed I’ve noticed how they each have their own little feuds, tollerations and dislikes for one another and how each are as two faced and as bitchy as a room full of stereotypical switchboard operators from the seventies.

Old Fish wives

Lecktrick

Came home last night and nearly died. My shed door was wide open. Initial thought was “Fuckers!! They’ve nicked everything”. This swiftly turned to “OMG! They’re still here” as I saw a beany hatted head stick its head out in reaction to my approaching car. Thoughts then resolved to “Ah tis only Dominic the electrician”.

Dominic, the cool electrician (he never grumbles, works like a horse and always has a smile on his face) had come to replace our external lights for PIR lights. He is also fitting us a new house alarm (the one he fitted during the rewire didn’t come up to our standard) and has fitted a nice shiny new security light above the garage door.

This now means that when the light is triggered at night my Gate Cam gets a nice clear image of the car and starts taking pictures. Ace! We are also toying with the idea of putting a couple of wireless webcams around the property and getting a crappy Pentium III running W2K and the old 6GB HD I have knocking about. Thing is I don’t want to pay for the PIII. I have a PII but I don’t think that would be powerful enough nor do I think I can find some old webcam software the same standard as WebcamXP. Especially as I had a clear out of all my redundant
Win9x/ME software disks recently.

We took a trip to B&Q too last night. It was eerie walking round B&Q at 7pm. It was as if we were the only people in there. But we managed to get a nice lock for the back door, some energy saving light bulbs and some batteries for the weighing scales. We got back just in time to catch Five Days which watches like some cheap clone of 24 only without explosions and Edward Woodward looking old and fat.

In other news, the nicely painted kitchen needs to be painted again. The wife has decided that the paint currently in use isnt splash resistant enough for use in a kitchen. Currently it is a nice subtle bluey greeny white but it is getting scuffed and there are splashes where the dishwasher is.

I also need to have a look at the drains. The one where the sink and dishwasher empties gets blocked by gunk. I think I need to remove the metal grille and raise it beyond the bottom of the outflow pipe. DIY is not one of my strong points but I’ll give it a whirl.

Today’s juice contained

Carrot
Celery
Sprout
Radish
Orange
Lime
Apple
Lettuce

I didn’t have any. It looked rank. But the wife enjoyed it.