Stabby stabby stab stab

stegzy – Hello can I see a doctor please?
Receptionist – I’ve no appointments. Is it important?
stegzy – Well my blood pressure is higher than normal and I have cardiac disease.
Receptionist – Well you could sit round and wait but there is no guarantee you’ll get to see a doctor.
stegzy – Can I make an appointment for tomorrow then?
Receptionist – Yes just call in anytime after 8am.
stegzy – I will do.
Receptionist – Are you sure you don’t want to wait?
stegzy – Well obviously it isnt life threatening…but then what do I know eh? I’ll come back tomorrow if it gets worse
Receptionist – Yes, ok
stegzy – Besides if it gets any worse I’ll just go to A&E eh?

Yeah so my blood pressure is high. I can tell because I’ve got this like ringing in my ears like I’ve been in a noisy nightclub and come out to somewhere quiet. That and I’m getting aches. NOT PAINS. Aches in my front and back. This is typically not a good sign.

It will mean the Doctor will delight in telling me about his latest holiday and intricately morph it into a eulogy about how I should not drink beer (I have a small glass of low alcohol beer a night, I don’t neck it and if I have a glass of wine with my meal then I go without the beer), how I should stop eating food and how I should moderate other things I already consider myself to do with moderation.

I suspect a life of lettuce and grain is around the corner for me.

Doctor Quackers

So i went to the doctors today to pick up my prescription meds and I thought I’d get my flu jab while I was there.

“Come in” he said “Have I seen you since you had your bloods done”
I affirmed that he hadn’t and asked him how I got on.
“If I were you” he said “I’d stop drinking alcohol entirely”
When I’d picked my chin up off the floor he explained there were higher than normal levels of Urea in my blood which, he said, is an indication that I have gout and gout can lead to arthritus. Whatsmore is he was surprised that the Liverpool doctors hadn’t checked it out either…..

Gout! At my age!!

So…I cant smoke, I cant have cream cakes, I cant drink, I cant eat meat, I’m not allowed to fry in lard…In fact everything I enjoy is bad for me…FUCKING HELL!

I’m expecting him to tell me that LJ is bad for me next…..