People on the bus – Making the world a better place – Part two

So I’m driving home from work and I’m listening to the wireless and the Home service Radio 4.

People on the bus
Nobody talking

The programme being broadcast was about a newspaper editor from Zimbabwe and how he is adapting to life as an asylum seeker in the UK. One of the main differences, he pointed out, between Harare and the UK was how people didn’t seem to talk to each other on public transport.

Now surprisingly, this guy lives in Leeds which is a good deal away from London where I believe such practices as ignoring ones fellow passengers is common place. It kind of shocked me and my Northern mind set because I’d always thought of the south as being a bit….well you know….”insular” when it comes to talking to complete strangers. Indeed, I’m quite happy to sit there with my earphones in (sometimes without anything attached at the other end) to avoid the weirdo on the bus or being assailed by some elderly person wanting to tell me about their gout.

And that got me thinking.

Sometimes I don’t mind talking to complete strangers on the bus or in the pub or where ever. Sometimes it’s nice to get chatting about things. Why don’t we do it more often? What stops us? Fear of a stabbing? Fear of being converted into some mind numbed zombie from a Nigel Kneale story? Wasps?

I think the main reason for our inherent phobia of talking to people on public transport is fear of extreme views. Nobody likes to be trapped by someone spouting vitriolic hate or outlandish views. A case in point could be the time when Jim and I went to the Brewery Tap at the Cains Brewery in Liverpool.

We  got chatting to a seemingly jovial chap at the bar. He seemed ok, typical of the populace of the city. Friendly banter, John Lennon anecdotes, Billy Butleresque memories. However, the chat swiftly switched from idle scouse chit chatty banter to a strong antisemitic nationalist rant where one would have expected the gentleman to start waving his arm about a la Hitler at the Nuremberg Rally.

Then another case in point is the guy who once cornered me on the 78 and started talking about how the government controls the populace through the covert use of prescription medication.


So yeah, I can understand that people don’t really want to talk to each other on the bus for those reasons in illustration. But surely not everyone is like that. It seems people’s first reaction to someone talking to them on the bus or train or in the pub is one of suspicion and distrust.

This is my bus
This is my bus

Who is this weird person? How dare they talk to me? Are they going to knife me? Might they not try to  bum me? Or maybe stick me in a dark cellar where I will be forced to eat marmite and parsnips until the day I die?

I know I’m not likely to force anyone into eating parsnips or marmite. I don’t even have a cellar. I suppose that coupled with the fear of being attacked by marmite wielding weirdos comes the fear that they themselves would be labelled a weirdo. Fear, as they say in Dune, is the mind killer.

Then I thought, what is needed is a kind of badge system. Like say a green badge for “I’m happy to talk to anyone” and a red badge for “Fuck off weirdo”. So those with green badges can sit and yatter away to their hearts content and the red badge wearers can scowl and frown and listen to their music or whatever without interruption. It could even be a registered thing so that should you like talking to someone then you take down the number on the badge and look them up on the internet when you get home or what ever.

There could also be a voting system like say badge wearer #473083 is very interesting and like prawns so people who like to talk about prawns (there are a lot of people that do) can look out for #473083 on their travels. Furthermore, one might get talking to #23932 and find out they are one of those religious zealot types that want to turn everything into some discussion about Jesus or whatever. You know, like :-

Person #48909823 – “So do you like tea?”
Person #23932 – “I do. In fact in the book of Ba’at chapter 30 it says ‘And the lord didst partake in tea and verily there was much rejoicing’. I like tea almost as much as I like Jesus. Jesus can be your friend. Oh yes he can. Do you know Jesus? He is your friend. He is you know.”

So the person #48909823 could go and say person #23932 likes to turn everything you talk about into something about Jesus and then people who prefer to talk about Jesus all the time can talk happily to #23932 while those that don’t can talk to whoever else.

What do you think?

Of course such a scheme would require some more thinking out. But I reckon it would work well. Especially with the technology of the day.

This is, of course a giant leap to make in a society which we need to make happier and better. I suppose we can make a start by chatting, at least once a day, to a complete stranger. Just be nice. Don’t say anything controversial or boring. Just something brief, engaging and relevant to your situation. Say it with a smile rather than a frown. Or perhaps just say “Hey, Do you know Stegzy Gnomepants? He writes on the intarwebz”

Next time I will tell you more about how we can make the world a better place.



5 Daft things I secretly believe and know that they might be daft and possibly implausible but haven’t been entirely convinced otherwise

– Toothpaste actually causes more damage than it is reputed to fix and is marketed by dentists and oral hygienists to keep them wealthy and, like hair, teeth have their own cleaning mechanism. That’s not to say I never clean my teeth (I assure you I do!) but part of me wonders if what we’re being told by dentists is completely true.

– Some soldiers are secretly administered (as in unbeknown to them or the military surgeons) psychotropic drugs in seemingly innocuous inoculations (like for malaria or TB) before entering a theatre of war (In a similar fashion to Jacob’s Ladder). The drugs assist the soldier to “kill without conscience”. If the soldier does not have any kills during while under the drugs influence they could, in rare cases, display violent tendencies. The British soldiers in court at the moment being prosecuted for beating an Iraqi civilian to death were administered this drug. Also Gulf War Syndrome from the first Gulf War was caused by unforeseen side effects of the drugs. I like to think that when civilians flip and go to school or into shopping malls on a killing spree (a la Micheal Ryan) that they have some how been administered these drugs either by accident (mixed up in a factory/warehouse) or by design (as in for testing purposes).

– Used electricity leaves the house as anti-electric which is then recycled and turned back into normal electricity. This is then sold back to us.

– The reason why the tides are rising is because of the increase in burnt fuels. If you imagine the Earth as a sealed container and remember your basic chemistry of combustion (ie CH4+ 2O2 => CO2 + 2 H2O) water is a by-product. But where does all that water go? Into the atmosphere of course. But if you think of all the matches, the gas fires, gas stoves, humans breathing (yep water is exhaled as a waste product in respiration) that’s a hell of a lot of water! That water has to emerge somewhere. Which is why the tides are rising. My theory anyway. (Yep I did chemistry at University as well which is even more shocking I still think of this)

– George W Bush only has control over Tony Blair because, like Howard Hughes, he has something on him. Not something small and trivial like “OMGz Y00 st3a7z0rs the ££££s” or some sordid sex thing like Cheri is really a hermaphrodite or something. Nooo far worse than that….something so universally bad the whole fabric of British society would erupt into riots and chaos if it ever came out.