Media Growl


At time of going to…press…post…no one has convincingly coughed up to the bombings on Thursday but all the newspapers are hinting at Al-Queda. There are pictures of Muslims saying “Not in my name”, pictures of Bin Laden and more speculation. The IRA, those lovely people who blew up shopping centres, pubs and Conservative conferences, had they been about today would have got less press and soon as a bomb went off fingers would point to our chums in Afganistan.


There’s no evidence, as yet, to prove or disprove it was Al-queda, the IRA, the Neo-Nazi’s or Uncle Tom and his failed gardening experiments. Well..not quite….there’s a bloke on a bus saying he saw an “olive skinned gentleman” repeatedly dipping into his carrier bag. I’m sure if you asked 1000 people there that day at least one would say they saw a suspicious looking seagull or someone dressed in a black cowl carrying a scythe. So why so quick to blame Al-queda? Why so quick to point fingers at a group of people? When it could have been a lone nutter with a hobby in remote control electronics.

As a Fortean, I like to keep an open mind to all possibilities in a situation. angelhands says I am pessimistic or negative. I don’t think I am. OK when people think positive things I have to bite my tongue so that I don’t put a pisser on their plans or ideas, by pointing out possible worse case risks and scenarios. (I’d be good in a risk assessment job methinks) Where as when people come bawling their eyes out wailing about how their life has come to an end because their girlfriend/boyfriend has left them for Barry Mcguigan or their house has burnt down and left them with thripence ha’penny and a box of socks…its always me that points out the positive side of things.

This curse of mine sometimes leaks over to world events. I am constantly thinking “Who benefits?”, “What are they not telling us?”, “Which bits are misinformation?”, “Why have they done that?”, “Is there a movie in it?” or “What else has happened that they’ve buried under this news?” when newsworthy things happen. Even more so with the discreditation of the BBC by the powers that be. Then people say “uh stegzy stop being an alarmist/conspiracy nut/wanker”. Well fine. So I over analyse the news. I over analyse events and normally my over analysis pays off. Events I predict will happen, happen.
Examples. When Piers Morgan, editor of the Daily Mirror, started publishing the pictures of abuse of Iraqi POW’s I immediately thought “Woh! Piers. This is a blinder for discreditation! You’ll lose your job mate”. Lo! and behold! He did!

When Diana started seeing Al Fayed, banging on about banning land mines and being generally against the grain, alarm bells rang. “Hang on a minute. You’ll make too many enemies there. Watch your back girl!”

and 9/11. Well there’s too many inconsistencies in 9/11 for my likes. Like almost immediately fingers started pointing at Al-queda. The knee jerk reaction to bumble into Afganistan and bomb the fuck out of everyone. All a bit to quick and reactionary. In my eye it kind of went like this

Bomb the shit out of them
Here is your evidence.

Likewise when people (especially children) get murdered and like people go “Oh hang on it must have been that dodgy bloke that dresses in black and looks funny! Burn him!!”. Then later on we find out it was actually the kids uncle or cousin that’s done the horrid deed. Its almost as if people forget; in this country (the UK) the general ethos is People are innocent until proven guilty.

Yet it seems the media lead the way in the witch hunt. This is scary. I see really bad things that can come out of this system.

So instead of.

Point finger
Point finger more
Publish in papers
They must be guilty
point finger again
evidence gathering
media black out
Court case
It must have been him the papers said so!

We should have

Point finger
Shhh don’t talk about it now
Evidence gathering
Court case
Ah it was him/wasn’t him

If you can remember the Jamie Bulger incident where little Jamie got carted off killed horribly by two young shit bags . At the time the media was filled with speculation of Jamie being seen with a older man. As it turned out he wasn’t and in fact he was being towed off by two 10 year olds. I remember the local media was alight with accusations directed a local paedophile and when the truth was found out everyone stopped pointing and moved away.

Even later on lessons were not absorbed. There was a little girl in the south of the UK, think her name was Sarah something, went missing from parents back garden and immediately the press was alive with accusations of this bloke, that bloke, the other bloke and with the frenzy, a witch hunt for paedophiles got under way. Of course this got out of hand when in Southampton a paediatrician had his house and office burnt down because some thick bunch of chavs couldn’t spell. Appeals then went out for calm.

All led on….by the popular press.

So now we have bombings. The IRA? Well they’re nobody now chief, decommissioned. Ah so it must be Al-queda!

Before you start saying “hang on stegzy this German group of Islamic extremists posted something on a website admitting to it. Yes. I know. But there would have been hundreds of other groups also claiming responsibility, Sons of Glendower, Far Right extremists pissed off at the G8, anti capitalists pissed off at the G8, the French pissed off at missing out on the olympics, or Barry Smith of 2a Frog Street, Milton Keynes pissed off at the price of fish in Tesco. We do not know. Basically what I’m saying is it could easily have been a complete loon working out on his own with no religious or financial motive, just pissed off with something.

I think that is more scary than a group of people plotting the downfall of an empire.

My initial reaction to 9/11 was what if these guys, and they could well have been, were American citizens? My initial reaction to the Madrid bombings was, Basque separatists. All led by my distrust of the media, what we are told and how things seem to be heading. But then there is part of me that says “well, yes there may be a bogey man with a beard in Afganistan, who wants me to pray to Allah.”. When the government owns or controls the media, or the media owns or controls the government, you no longer live in a free world. Everything you are told may well have a seasoning of misinformation or a few drops of underlying spin. What’s better than the feeding of incomplete details is the complete lack of coverage on a subject. Like page one might be something like “Charlotte Church in Machete Blood Bath Massacre – “My dress was so ruined I had to get my tits out” says busty Charlotte, 19″ followed by 20 pages of why getting her tits out would aid her defence, a 2 page exclusive of someone that once served her fish and chips, the new “Charlotte Church slice your way to a new you” diet, why red is this years black and some old hack scribbling about the effect of tits on the young today and how all breasts or mammaries should be banned. Yet tucked away on the bottom of page 12 will be a little column “Man finds cure for cancer up his bottom”.

Visual media is not much better. Sophie Raworth and Huw Edwards oozed with concern on Thursday. If their faces had got any sterner they would have bled. Unless its ground breaking and effects people directly it doesn’t get a look in. So like ok my example of “Cancer cure up arse” would probably get a look in. But Turkmenbashi making a deal with Norway on the slaughter of whales in exchange for David Hasslehoff records probably wouldn’t. Yet we all know that if Norway started exporting Hasslehoff records the world would know no peace and war would erupt again in Europe.

So my theory, for what its worth and the record, is a lone bloke with a grudge. My reasoning? Well that’s simple. The risks are high, especially in this climate, for people of the same determination to get together and plot bad things. It is far more easier for a lone person to keep something like that to himself. Thus minimise the risk of the person you are telling running off to tell mummy. Psychopaths work better as either husband and wife, brother and sister or best of all, on their own. He would probably have few friends. Be committed to something, maybe on the verge of obsession, it could be Hornby model railways, LINUX, FreeBSD. He would have had a knowledge of remote controls or electronics. It could be that he was either very depressed or very pissed off about something. But because of his psychological and psychopathic tendencies got carried away or more and more determined to cause harm. He might even have left a note. (“No Milk Today” or “Two Pints please”).

But if I am right and it is a lone man, there will be the need for something to blame. Maybe he played Doom 3 too often, maybe he watched Blown Away or Die Hard: With Avengence one too many times and all this will come to light when the police find out who they are. The press will go wild. Ban computer games, ban violent films, ban single males with psychopathic tendencies. There will be calls for the monitoring of users of LINUX. Physics geeks will be ostracised. Maplin will be sued for supplying capacitors. Remote controls for TV’s will be illegal in case someone uses the insides for making a bomb or something. That’s my speculation on the matter, and most probably 102% pure bollocks with real hair and there are many other possibilities I can see which I won’t go into. Indeed, such an act could well have been committed by a group of nutters hell bent on some misguided cause and the media may well be right. But restraint is in order and speculation should be held too.

For until the police complete their investigations we can never be 100% certain and until then, hopefully you will disregard this entry as me being over thoughtful. So please, no one take offence 😉

Banning Kids – A Problem Solved

Kids & Antisocial Behaviour

Ok..there’s been a lot in the news recently about gangs of marauding kids terrifying adults; kids playing “happy slapping”; kids wearing hoodies and goth stuff striking fear into the heart of elders; kids attacking adults; kids attacking other kids; kids mistaking batteries for smarties; generally kids being a nuisance.

These marauding shit bags go about causing havoc then blame any of the following

  • Violence in films certified 18+
  • Drugs
  • Drink and alcohol
  • Keith Chegwin
  • Hooded tops or Hoodies
  • Lack of parental discipline
  • Lizard men
  • Violence in computer games
  • Video and non-video cell phones
  • little Johnny
  • Broken family homes
  • Far too liberal parents
  • Lack of youth facilities
  • poor diets
  • music
  • Youth orientated magazines that feature articles of a sexual nature

As this reign of terror continues there will be calls to ban or control availability of

  • mobile phones without video capability
  • mobile phones with video capability
  • Certificate 18 movies
  • Porn
  • Cigarettes
  • Sugar
  • fire
  • guns
  • knives
  • hoodies and other hooded vestments
  • donkeys
  • sharp edges of paper
  • scary moments in Dr Who
  • video games that feature violence and gore
  • radiators
  • rock music
  • FHM, Just 17, Bunty, Fly-fishing Weekly
  • Fishing rods
  • Smarties
  • Batteries
  • Bull Bars on 4×4’s

All things, including Bunty, that are enjoyed by us adults and sensible types. So we are made to suffer when they are banned or controlled or made to feel like uncaring types. Like being at school and some wanker fucks about and doesn’t own up so the whole class gets kept behind after school or is banned from going on the field trip to the aspic jelly factory or something thus ruining our lives because we really wanted to go into a career involving the manufacture of aspic jelly and by not being allowed to go we fail to attain our lifes ambition, or something.

Anyway, to save all this problem….

The solution is easy

Its a Matter of Pride

OK…this has been bugging me for a few months now. It seems that, in the UK at least, there is a culture of nonpride.

Maybe because people dont give thanks for the mundane tasks we take for granted like sweeping streets, making tea, mopping up poo, sick and blood, posting mail, packing strawberry punnets, milking cows, stacking shelves in the supermarket etc.. Maybe its not up to us to give thanks and it should be the bosses that praise and give appreciation (not necessarily with reward).

It seems that in some service and consumer orientated sectors there are people that dont put any pride into their work. They show no compassion and basically follow things by the book, they work to the “get them in shove them out” idiom and the “I dont give a shit” attitude.

Some of the recent instances that I can think include:-

  • A really really arse non-compassionate bank worker basically not giving a shit and being unhelpful about a someones situation
  • a GP fobbing off a really pleasant gentleman with back problems (which clearly are causing him difficulty…Doctor just told him to take ibruprofen and take a few days off work!);
  • a waitress that just sat their daydreaming while a gang of yobs chucked salt and pepper at each other;
  • a helpdesk chap that couldnt give a shit about an A1 plot (oh hang on thats me…) ;
  • a plumber that couldnt be arsed plumbing a bath in properly and just McGyvered some network of pipes instead of getting the proper pipes;
  • Social security and benefit people that dont give a shit about peoples circumstances
  • Bin men that just chuck recycle bins on peoples lawns so that they blow away never to be seen again instead of moving them somewhere where they wont blow away.
  • Window cleaners that just give windows a quick dab with a mucky rag then expect £5

The list is endless really. But I cant be arsed to type them all….[Now is that because I have a lack of pride? I dunno. ]. It seems to me that the reason that there is so much poor customer service, poor and shoddy workmanship, dirty hospitals, litter on the street, unkempt gardens, chav scum, graffiti strewn trains and walls, is because there is no pride.

Im guilty of it. Look ! I’ll put my hand up now and type with one hand and say “I…Stegzy Gnomepants…take no pride in some things” I wont say I have no pride. I do. I am proud of things. Just the wrong things. Meaningless things. Im proud that my CD/MP3 collection is so big and catalogued alphabetically, I am proud of my friends and how they pull together when things go shit. I’m proud that I have a beautiful wife and two lovely puddytats. But Im not proud of a vast list…including

  • my job
  • the way after a year my car is still covered in dents and looks scruffy
  • my garden
  • some of the skeletons in my past
  • some of the things I own that I dont look after

Thats not an exhaustive list. Im sure if I thought about it I’d blather on about why Im not proud of this that and the other but brevity is the watchword here.

Granted noone is likely to say “Thankyou for making your garden lovely”, noone is likely to say “Oooh thankyou for not having a big fuck off hole in your car door” or “My Im sure glad you fucked Teana when you were 21”. In fact things like that are highly unlikely. So maybe it isnt the level of thanks that dictates the pride. Perhaps pride is the wrong word to use. Recognition? praise?

“Oooh your garden looks lovely!” is more plausable
“ooh your car is nice and shiney” is also plausable
“Ooh Going out with Teana was the right thing to do”….er….nah…..psycho bitchcow from Hells Hell.

Maybe there will always be things I can never be proud of. But there are things I CAN be proud of. There are things I can do to develop recognition for my actions. So everytime now I think I’ve done a really good job helping someone I’m going to tell them my name.

“Hey I’ve helped you. I’ve shown you how to do something you didnt know how to do. I hope I’ve shown you in a polite helpful and friendly manner. My name is Stegzy Gnomepants :-D”

Im also going to do a really good job of the garden so it isnt just some patch of mown grass with weeds. But really is that enough?


It isnt….IMHO.

Really I should thank people who provide a service and do a good job. Make them feel proud of their hard work. If I think someone has done a good job I’m going to write to their head office a right nice letter….eg:

Dear Mr Tesco,

I am writing to tell you that Ms Shelf Stacking Lackey did a really good job of facing up the dried peas. Please give her a big pat on the back and a cheery smile.



I might also send emails. There really is no excuse, Im sat infront of a PC most hours of the day typing drivel into SEMAGIC. In fact…hey…Im going to write an email to the Livejournal cheeses..

Dear Mr Live Journal Bloke

Thankyou for allowing me to spout drivel. It really has made a difference to my life and all the people I’ve met through it (including those that read but not become members or join the Flist) are lovely lovely people. I love you.


Stegzy Gnomepants.

And when someone does a really crap job, Im going to write….

Dear Mrs Spa Shopkeeper’s boss,

You are a shit boss because you dont give your employees enough praise for their hard work. As a result, the woman in your shop that grumped when I asked for 10 fags because they were the other end of the counter was grumpy and thankless. This is your fault you heartless bitch. Dont you realise that they need thanks and recognition.

I will get my fags from Abuls instead.

Stegzy Gnomepants.

Then maybe people will start giving praise which will lead to a growth in pride, a big sloppy kiss, happy people and a much nicer society….

I’d also like to take this opportunity to say Thankyou all….yes you lot reading this….You all take pride over your LJ’s and do a really really good job of them and you all write exciting and interesting stuff which I read every word of. Some of it moving, some really lovely, some that make me realise that everyone faces shit every day of their life. Keep up the truely excellent good work…..and post this little award on your info page somewhere…..let the world know that you are proud to write good stuff about the good and the shit things in life…..

Love 😀


Do you have a weirdo magnet? Do you? Do you know what a weirdo magnet is? Have I just made that phrase up?

Case Study #1

You are sat on a bus. The bus is fairly empty. There are a few double seats free and a few people on the bus travelling with you. The bus stops. A passenger gets on. They could be unkempt, well dressed, dressed as Bozo the Clown or whatever. Of all the seats on the bus they sit next to you.

They then turn to you. Smile. Open their mouth to speak and say “They told me about the parsnips you know”

Your immeadiate reaction is “WTF!” but out of politeness you smile back and answer “Did they?”

You are now at the mercy of the weirdo.

Case Study #2

You are out having a quiet drink with some pals. Midway through the conversation someone comes near. Sits on a seat within earshot. Nothing is said.

Then midway through an indepth conversation about your friends trip to Atlantis the someone says….”I once went to Bognor Regis” unintelligably. You all smile politely and return to your conversation. Alas you are foiled. That smile was a fateful ticket to Interuptsville. “My wife had gout” they continue.

You are at the mercy of the weirdo. There shall be no escape.

Case Study #3

Walking innocently down the street (yeah you know walking….that thing you do with out wheels…radical I know but stay with me). You see someone walking toward you. Well….walking…maybe swaying….swaggering….teetering….how about stumbling? Or even striding….you look to see if you can cross the road. You can’t theres too much traffic. The someone is getting closer. They mightnt have seen you. You might be safe.

You arent.

They approach. They look at you.

“All the best and many more” they exclaim in a most threatening manner while waggling a nicoteen stained digit in your general direction

“I want my mum!” you proclaim

Alas. The weirdo has struck. You are at their mercy.

Men. Women. Even children. They come in all genders, ages, social status and ethnicities. Gurbling their weirdness at you. Trapping you with their over friendliness….Why do they home in on you?

I’ll tell you….

…come closer…..

and the truth shall set ye free

Supermarket Evils and a brief history of my local area (A moan in epic proportions)

Supermarkets are evil.

That is a fact. They conspire with their convienienceness and buying power to trap us all into a false sense of worth making us fat, apathetic and unwittingly unethical. They must be stopped before it is too late….But maybe it is already too late! Parsnip vending malnutricious community killers!

Supermarket Sweep background waffle you may have already read