Umbrella ladies


stegzy – Where are you?
Mrs Gnomepants – I’m in the Raven in Wakefield with Scott.
stegzy – What time will you be home?
Mrs Gnomepants – I’m setting off soon why don’t you come and join us?
stegzy – Because I’m nearly home now. I’ll see you when you get back


Text from Mrs Gnomepants – Will be home soon. Just waiting for Scott.


Text from Mrs Gnomepants – Our Lyndz will bring me home. Won’t be long now


Phone call
Lyndz – I’m calling you from the speed camera on Pontefract Road do you know why?
stegzy – You’ve hit someone?
Lyndz – No. Because I’ve had to stop to let your drunken wife be sick
stegzy – Ah. Right.


Mrs Gnomepants returns. Drunk. Very very drunk. She is currently talking to Rolf on the great white telephone.

Silly girl.


Extract from the journal of Gnomepants –

“Liverpool, July 2006. Too hot to type. Too muggy for brain to function correctly. Have been holed up in this office for some hours now. Glorious sunshine rages outside. The men are praying for their souls. The heat is too much for some and one or two have fallen foul of the intolerable and unbearable heat. Oates has just left the office stating “I am just going outside and may be some time”. We tried with every ounce of our remaining strength to convince him to stay but he went out into that hellish heat. I fear for his life. Some of the younger men are starting to strip off, the heat causing madness within their already heat exhausted mind. We shall stick it out to the end, but we are getting weaker of course and the end cannot be far. It seems a pity but I do not think I can write more. For God’s sake, look after our people.”

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