stegzy – Where are you?
Mrs Gnomepants – I’m in the Raven in Wakefield with Scott.
stegzy – What time will you be home?
Mrs Gnomepants – I’m setting off soon why don’t you come and join us?
stegzy – Because I’m nearly home now. I’ll see you when you get back
Text from Mrs Gnomepants – Will be home soon. Just waiting for Scott.
Text from Mrs Gnomepants – Our Lyndz will bring me home. Won’t be long now
Lyndz – I’m calling you from the speed camera on Pontefract Road do you know why?
stegzy – You’ve hit someone?
Lyndz – No. Because I’ve had to stop to let your drunken wife be sick
stegzy – Ah. Right.
Mrs Gnomepants returns. Drunk. Very very drunk. She is currently talking to Rolf on the great white telephone.