Inspired by my last post here are some works of literature in 140 characters or less.

King Solomon’s Mines – A map? Lets go. Here we are. Oooh look out. Oh no we’ve got no diamonds. We did have an adventure though.

Frankenstein – Lets build a man. Its a bit windy out there tonight. Ah it lives! Oh its killed people. Lets go to the North Pole. Its a bit chilly.

Five Go To Smugglers Top – Uncle Quentin wants us to go away. We’ll stay with his friend. Look secret passages. Look bad guys! Ha we’ve thwarted them with Ginger beer.

Odyssey – Fight! Right fuck off home. Bit windy. People think I’m dead. Lets go this way. He’s only got one eye. She’s pretty. Home now.

Harry Potter Sextology – I’m the weird kid at a weird school. He wants to kill me. But you’re dead! Shite now he’s dead. Hurrah!

Oliver Twist – Poor kid. Hungry? Fuck off. Hello will you rob this for me? Ta. Oooh you’ve got a benefactor. Hurrah Bills dead.

Lord of the Rings – Take this ring – drop it in there. Old guy is dead. No he’s not. Fight! Run away. Don’t trust the little guy. Home now.

Can you think of any?


I am a Twiterer.

Last night I popped into Halfords (For those not familiar, Halfords is a British motor factors specialising in Bicycles, furry dice and air fresheners in the shape of steering wheels. The key skill of all Halfords employees is to know fuck all about cars and everything about the latest offers on screenwash) to purchase a new brake light bulb for the Vectra. I used to work in one of the Liverpool branches of Halfords a long time ago and I had a bloody good time working there. I even had the boiler suit and did the funny little Kwik Fit dance for a shiny tuppence and a handful of grapes. These days the staff wear smart shirts and ties. They look like utter cocks.

Further reading