Buzz buzz buzz

Ok. First off, I am around, I’ve not been able to make as many comments or posts as I’d like to. Truth is I am just crazily mad busy at the moment and I’m also trying to teach myself a little bit about CSS and XML (for the purpose of shits and giggles)

Secondly, news on the old bush telegraph and the mouth of horses announced that Scott will soon be leaving these hallowed shores to be a ships photographer on board a Cruise liner. The flesh possĂ© decreases by one more and again I am reflecting on the angsty thoughts of lonliness. I feel strangely alone again, almost like I am in a precarious position. Most of my current local “flesh” peers, with the exception of Nick, are chums of angelhands. In that they were affiliated to angelhands before I met her or for example have a closer attachment to angelhands than they have to me through reasons of history or circumstance. Unlike Nick, whom I have known since at least 1998, who I would categorise as my friend (ie he comes out with me rather than angelhands) . Am I making sense? If not I’ll have to go into detail more.

Thirdly, angelhands got a letter yesterday inviting her for interview for a job in Leeds. Which is excellent news. However, reality kind of hits me in the face with a wet kipper. Because 4 hours before I knew this news I sourced 4 jobs within the university in a less frontline role than I do now. Common sense tells me to apply for the jobs anyway because

  • angelhands might not get the job
  • there may not be any suitable businesses to buy for a while
  • I can always quit later on if needs be
  • We’ve been down this path before which is why we havent made any changes in our life. We lose direction and focus and end up day dreaming about moving away
  • I never like to make major changes unless the change is corporal and has substance ie I know I have to make the change because otherwise the status quo will be unbalanced

There are other reasons. But they are the main ones. Of course discussing this with angelhands last night has got her thinking I dont want to move. But I havent said that. What I said was I am not keen on living in Wakefield. Meaning on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is Fuck no not ever and 10 was yeah lets go right this minute, I am about 6. Possibly 5.5. This she was happy for me to say.

angelhands is fed up with her job. Her manager is shit and they are short staffed. She is over worked and showing symptoms of stress. Now I have learnt that chucking sickies is not a good way of dealing with workplace stress. Its like non productive. Instead I now deal with my work place stress by approaching my manager and letting them sort out the problem. After all if I am having to do things outside of my remit and it is stopping me doing my actual job description then its my managers fault for doing a crap job at managing…IMHO.

So if angelhands gets the job I would be really proud but I’d also have to think about finding a job in Leeds. Currently my skill set is depleted and out of date technology has moved on since I used to design webpages, databases and what not. I havent kept up with whats what. (I have kind of but not in as great a detail as I did in the past). The other factor being that Im only likely now to be offered jobs in an IT or Call centre environment. I dont want to work in either. Call centres suck arse. Like big style. Im bored to tears with the whole “My cocks processor is bigger than yours” attitude that comes with techy IT work. I need something new to get my teeth into. Hence why I’ve been looking at newsagents and the like.

I’d also like to go to Uni. Do the course I never did. But I would have to go full time rather than Part time. I have tried part time education in the past but I am easily distracted by work and most previous attempts at part time courses have failed. Evening classes are well and truely out. I value my evenings too much these days.

angelhands wants to eventually go part time and do her own businesses. She has 2 degrees already. But seems to want to work less and not necessarily for more. (simple equations More pay = More hours + more stress). I too would like to go part time but study full time as I said above. This is not practicle with a financial commitment such as a house unless we can both earn the same that we are on now.

Then the uni question comes. What to study? Computers? Nah im sick of them. Drama? Maybe, but there is no guarentee that drama would be useful in any future career path. Except maybe call centres and Im definately not going down that path. Film & media? Well they would want to see a portfolio. I dont have one. Psychology? maybe this is the stronger of the options, people have always fascinated me. Environmental studies The environment is amazing. It interests me and did so in 1991 when I touched on it in Alevel Biology. But of course Im still open to suggestion

This post has turned into a long waffle about my options. Which to take and which path I am taking. I am at the crossroads again. I have ambition when previously I did not. Though I have in away always had ambition. That is to earn enough to move somewhere remote and do fuck all in lovely surroundings. Thats my ambition. Its not career driven. Its not driven by peer pressure. Its just what I want to do.

angelhands said to me “tell me where you see yourself in 5 years”. To answer that all I could say was “I can see myself doing any number of different things. In five years I can see myself graduating. I can see myself dead. I can see myself working in a shop. I can see myself on a yacht in the Carribbean. I can even see myself married to Avril Lavigne if I imagine
hard enough.But what I see in the future isnt necessarily going to happen. There are too many other factors involved. “.

And I tell you this. If you’d asked me in 1998 “Where do you see yourself in 5 years?” I’d have said “In HSE as a manager or consultant.” I certainly wouldnt have forseen a heart attack, buying a house or a wedding.

Fuck no