Stabby “stab stab” McStab

When I did my weekly check in with my olds on Sunday my mum asked me what, if anything, I had been up to the day before. So I told her that I’d gone to meet zoefruitcake and that I had a wonderful time. My mum then said something along the lines of “Well I won’t say what I think about meeting people off the internet”. Which normally means “If you don’t ask me what I think about the subject I will continue to make snarky remarks”. This is a tactic taught to all mums in Mum School.

So I bit, as any dutiful son would.

stegzy – “Why mother? Tell me what it is that you think about me meeting people off the internet. After all I am 33 now, a fairly good judge of character and I’ve been meeting people off the internet for over ten years now and I haven’t been murdered yet.”

Ma Gnomepants -“Well you never know that next person might be the one that does for you or infiltrates your life. You shouldn’t be so trusting of strangers”

stegzy – “Infiltrates my life? Does for me? So basically you’re saying don’t trust anybody? Is it any wonder I’m overtly suspicious of everybody that comes into my life and that I find it difficult to make new friends?”

Ma Gnomepants – Theres nothing wrong with being careful.

stegzy – Like how do you know Mrs Owen or Gandalf next door aren’t trying to poison me? That man in the street I passed on the way to the sweet shop…he looked a bit shifty. Bet he was plotting how he was going to gut me and turn me into a pie filling. I better not go out anymore in case someone stabs me in the nose or something…after all I can’t trust anybody can I?

Ma Gnomepants – Theres no need to be facetious. I’m only saying I don’t like you meeting strangers. Look what happened to those girls in Soham.

stegzy – Mother! They were 8 years old! I’m 33! Besides which they knew Huntley from their school.

Ma Gnomepants – Well you know how I feel about it. I just wish you wouldn’t go meeting people off the internet. I don’t want to talk about it any more.

stegzy – Well neither do I because its silly and you’ve really annoyed me. Happy Mothers day…here speak to the wife.

So just out of interest and because I intend to meet everybody on my F-list at some point

Author: stegzy

Once, long ago, I wrote frequently on Livejournal. I then moved to Blogspot, where I discovered that blogging requires an audience. So I moved back to LJ. Then over to Dreamwidth, back to LJ, up the road of self hosting with Muckybadger before giving up entirely and moving over to Wordpress. It was at that moment I decided I would spread my compostual nonsense simultaneously across the blogosphere like some rancid margarine. And so here I am. I am a badger. But then I'm not really a badger. I am a human. With badger like tendencies. I am a writer, a film producer and a social commentator. I am available for Breakfast TV shows, documentaries and chats in the pub with journalists where I am more than qualified enough to talk confidently about absolute shite and bollocks.

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