Stabby “stab stab” McStab

When I did my weekly check in with my olds on Sunday my mum asked me what, if anything, I had been up to the day before. So I told her that I’d gone to meet zoefruitcake and that I had a wonderful time. My mum then said something along the lines of “Well I won’t say what I think about meeting people off the internet”. Which normally means “If you don’t ask me what I think about the subject I will continue to make snarky remarks”. This is a tactic taught to all mums in Mum School.

So I bit, as any dutiful son would.

stegzy – “Why mother? Tell me what it is that you think about me meeting people off the internet. After all I am 33 now, a fairly good judge of character and I’ve been meeting people off the internet for over ten years now and I haven’t been murdered yet.”

Ma Gnomepants -“Well you never know that next person might be the one that does for you or infiltrates your life. You shouldn’t be so trusting of strangers”

stegzy – “Infiltrates my life? Does for me? So basically you’re saying don’t trust anybody? Is it any wonder I’m overtly suspicious of everybody that comes into my life and that I find it difficult to make new friends?”

Ma Gnomepants – Theres nothing wrong with being careful.

stegzy – Like how do you know Mrs Owen or Gandalf next door aren’t trying to poison me? That man in the street I passed on the way to the sweet shop…he looked a bit shifty. Bet he was plotting how he was going to gut me and turn me into a pie filling. I better not go out anymore in case someone stabs me in the nose or something…after all I can’t trust anybody can I?

Ma Gnomepants – Theres no need to be facetious. I’m only saying I don’t like you meeting strangers. Look what happened to those girls in Soham.

stegzy – Mother! They were 8 years old! I’m 33! Besides which they knew Huntley from their school.

Ma Gnomepants – Well you know how I feel about it. I just wish you wouldn’t go meeting people off the internet. I don’t want to talk about it any more.

stegzy – Well neither do I because its silly and you’ve really annoyed me. Happy Mothers day…here speak to the wife.

So just out of interest and because I intend to meet everybody on my F-list at some point

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