The Compostual Existentialist

Wordpress flavour with added crunchy bits

Alex Vodden

Leave a comment

 

Hello. At last I find something about you. With a local election less than a week away I’d have thought you would have been calling at my door to convince me to vote for you. As I am not a native to Brierley I am unaware of the local politics and issues that affect the area in which I live. Ok, I read stuff you say in the Barnsley Chronicle but thats about it. Thats all seems like popularist stuff. Things like “Yeah I’m against it because the voting public are against it”. Or “Yeah I’m for it because the voting public are for it even if it is a blinkin daft idea”.
No. I don’t know anything about you. I don’t know what your viewpoints are on local businesses, planning applications, youth crime, employment, donkeys on Scarborough beach. I am oblivious to whether you would be for a local supermarket or against. I am ignorant about how you would stand on the construction of a 6ft concrete rabbit on the M1. I am hazy on whether you agree that Common Road has been turned into a race track for off road bikes of late. Your opinion on the state of the Internationally Famous Church Street Potholes of Brierley is even obscure.

I’ve had one leaflet through my door so far. One. That leaflet was from a bloke in Shafton. Who was he? I have no idea. Dave North or something. Likewise I know very little about him. I shall be seeking his website and asking him similar questions.

Really, its not hard. Reach out to your voters. Contact them. Contact me and stuff the rest of them. My vote is sat on my kitchen table. It is sat there saying “Who shall I vote for?”. Well, the vote isn’t, I am. I’m a crap ventriloquist. Rememeber you are always welcome to buy me a pint in the Three Horseshoes on a Friday evening and discuss why I should vote for you or even stop me in the street and say “Oi! Gnomepants. Vote for me or I’ll agree to plans for a whopping great big department store in your garden”. As it stands you do neither and Candidate apathy is worse than voters apathy in my opinion.

However, I will give you credit. You are a lot easier to track down than the other 5 parish council candidates, of which you are the only person to have a website, that I can find anyway. Likewise, of the other 4 borough candidates you are the only person that appears to have a website. Unless Danny Oates is a toy maker and Dave North is a rally driver. Curiously, Brierley Town Council doesn’t have a googleable website either. How can I possibly elect someone to something I know nothing about?

So maybe you could just do me that. Tell me Why should I vote for you? What will you do for me? What is your background? What did you do about resolving the issue of youth nuisance on Common Road raised in February 2005? Where have all the lovely buildings gone? When is the next North East Area Forum and why have no minutes been published since February 2005? Just who did kill Laura Palmer? Does the Town Council really exist or do you just meet for tea and biscuits every so often? Has the town council ever considered a community notice board in the village of Brierley? Why is it a TOWN council when Brierley is clearly a village? Are you even running in this election? Do you want my vote? What is your opinion on dangerous junctions? Did anyone ever tell you, you look good dressed as Father Christmas? Why is it you do very little in the way of doorstep canvassing? Is this because you are constantly being asked to comment on local issues by the Barnsley Chronicle? Or is it because you often get emails such as this and you are busy replying to them? Were you even aware that your personal website doesn’t work right and the form submission function of your “Feedback” page is broken? I hope to hear from you soon.

Yours,

The more internationally renown

Stegzy Gnomepants.

http://stegzy.livejournal.com

Edit: Had the form submit engine on his website worked he might have got this message.

It didn’t.

He didn’t.

Advertisements

Author: stegzy

Once, long ago, I wrote frequently on Livejournal. I then moved to Blogspot, where I discovered that blogging requires an audience. So I moved back to LJ. Then over to Dreamwidth, back to LJ, up the road of self hosting with Muckybadger before giving up entirely and moving over to Wordpress. It was at that moment I decided I would spread my compostual nonsense simultaneously across the blogosphere like some rancid margarine. And so here I am. I am a badger. But then I'm not really a badger. I am a human. With badger like tendencies. I am a writer, a film producer and a social commentator. I am available for Breakfast TV shows, documentaries and chats in the pub with journalists.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s