Look. It’s fucking freezing ok? Yeah yeah ok robynz and maybe zelest and think4yrself probably would think that -2 was the height of summer but no…..not here….-2 is like fucking Arctic. There’s Eskimos Innuit trying to hunt fucking fish through ice holes in the back garden. Trying to tell them a) that there are no fish b) There is no snow to cut the holes into c) there are 70 miles to the nearest stretch of salt water d) to fuck off my property before I call the police and immigration just doesnt seem to put the fuckers off.

It’s so bloody cold, the kettle steams when it’s not on the hob! We’re saving fucking electricity by illuminating the rooms with our red noses.

So in an effort to heat up the body (and of course to celebrate birthday’s) tonight I’m going to fill my body with curry. It is the only solution. Hot spicy warming curry. That is if my feet don’t snap off at the ankles with this bloody cold.

Send hot water bottles and blankets…..please…..

(and maybe some cups of tea)

(and some nice chocolate)

(while you’re at it get us some of those crisps and a 4 pack of Peeterman Artois)

(and maybe Sativa Rose)