This is the last time I’m making plans for the weekend.
| What I Planned |
What actually happened |
Torchwood version |
| Get up at 9 | Got up at 9:30. In a bad mood because Mrs Mop had been pissing everywhere last night (including on my jeans). |
“Morning! By the way I’m bisexual” |
| Have healthy breakfast | Had bacon and sausage barm from dirty flowershop | “I’ll have a bacon and sausage barm. With your sausage because I might be gay.” |
| Go to farm shop for veg | Waiting for windowcleaning/car fixing brother-in-law to finish up | “You can chamois leather my bum after you’ve done those windows because I’m Omnisexual.” |
| Go to new farm shop for a poke around | Sitting round writing LJ posts | “Let’s have group sex and be done with it.” |
| Come home and cook delicious food | Even that tin of brussell sprouts is now starting to look appealing | “You can eat me” |
| Relax in the thought that no more expense until next pay day | Mrs Mop has had a flare up of her cystitis. That’s another £60 I’ve go to find. | “Are you the vet? I’m a sleazy time travelling lounge lizard with added animal magnetism” |
| Take over the world | Thwarted by George W Bush | ” And I would have gotten away with it if it wasnt for you pesky kids. Fancy some sex.” |
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