Last time

This is the last time I’m making plans for the weekend.

What I Planned	What actually happened	Torchwood version
Get up at 9	Got up at 9:30. In a bad mood because Mrs Mop had been pissing everywhere last night (including on my jeans).	“Morning! By the way I’m bisexual”
Have healthy breakfast	Had bacon and sausage barm from dirty flowershop	“I’ll have a bacon and sausage barm. With your sausage because I might be gay.”
Go to farm shop for veg	Waiting for windowcleaning/car fixing brother-in-law to finish up	“You can chamois leather my bum after you’ve done those windows because I’m Omnisexual.”
Go to new farm shop for a poke around	Sitting round writing LJ posts	“Let’s have group sex and be done with it.”
Come home and cook delicious food	Even that tin of brussell sprouts is now starting to look appealing	“You can eat me”
Relax in the thought that no more expense until next pay day	Mrs Mop has had a flare up of her cystitis. That’s another £60 I’ve go to find.	“Are you the vet? I’m a sleazy time travelling lounge lizard with added animal magnetism”
Take over the world	Thwarted by George W Bush	” And I would have gotten away with it if it wasnt for you pesky kids. Fancy some sex.”

Author: stegzy

Once, long ago, I wrote frequently on Livejournal. I then moved to Blogspot, where I discovered that blogging requires an audience. So I moved back to LJ. Then over to Dreamwidth, back to LJ, up the road of self hosting with Muckybadger before giving up entirely and moving over to Wordpress. It was at that moment I decided I would spread my compostual nonsense simultaneously across the blogosphere like some rancid margarine. And so here I am. I am a badger. But then I'm not really a badger. I am a human. With badger like tendencies. I am a writer, a film producer and a social commentator. I am available for Breakfast TV shows, documentaries and chats in the pub with journalists where I am more than qualified enough to talk confidently about absolute shite and bollocks. View all posts by stegzy

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Author: stegzy