The Compostual Existentialist

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Whizzed from sm00bs

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  • Age: 34
  • Where did you grow up: Liverpool, UK
  • WHAT DO YOU CALL:
  1. A body of water, smaller than a river, contained within relatively narrow banks.
    A stream if it’s moving. A pond if it’s still or a puddle if it’s in the middle of the road.
  2. What the thing you push around the grocery store is called?
    Shopping trolley. Pensioner. Coffin.
  3. A metal container to carry a meal in.
    Err…metal food container (?!)…can…metal box…fuckme.
  4. The thing that you cook bacon and eggs in.
    A frying pan
  5. The piece of furniture that seats three people.
    Sofa or Settee if I’m being posh
  6. The device on the outside of the house that carries rain off the roof.
    Automated Roof Rain carrier offer. Or gutter.
  7. The covered area outside a house where people sit in the evening.
    The pub? Kids round here seem to sit outside in a Bus Shelter. Though I suspect the meme means Patio.
  8. Carbonated, sweetened, non-alcoholic beverages.
    Pop
  9. A flat, round breakfast food served with syrup.
    Pancake. Pizza.
  10. A long sandwich designed to be a whole meal in itself.
    Big fat bastard sandwich.
  11. The piece of clothing worn by men at the beach.
    Trunks or in billzy‘s case – Dirty rain coat.
  12. Shoes worn for sports.
    Depends where I am, if I’m in Liverpool it’s trainees lah if I’m anywhere else it’s trainers
  13. Putting a room in order.
    Tidy up.
  14. A flying insect that glows in the dark.
    Mutant radioactive moth
  15. The little insect that curls up into a ball.
    Tired. Dead.
  16. The children’s playground equipment where one kid sits on one side and goes up while the other sits on the other side and goes down.
    A see-saw
  17. How do you eat your pizza?
    Through a special aperture in the back of my neck.
    .
  18. What’s it called when private citizens put up signs and sell their used stuff?
    “Oh look they’ve gone away and the gypsies have broken into their house”
  19. What’s the evening meal?
    Tea
  20. The thing under a house where the furnace and perhaps a rec room are?
    Hell/Hades/Volcano (I suspect you mean cellar)
  21. What do you call the thing that you can get water out of to drink in public places?
    A puddle
    .
  22. Do the words pen and pin sound the same or different?
    What sort of question is that? Of course they sound different or they’d be the same fucking word!
  23. When addressing a group of people, what phrase do you use?
    Formal – Ladies and Gentlemen
    Informal – Oi yooz / eh you lot/ bunch of  twats.
  24. Does the vowel sound in the word pinch sound more like the sound in thin or mean?
    thin
  25. What is the name of a large window in the side of a house that can be opened for entry/exit?
    Broken
  26. What do you call the machine in the kitchen that keeps food cold?
    Smithsons Patented Steam Food colderiser
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Author: stegzy

Once, long ago, I wrote frequently on Livejournal. I then moved to Blogspot, where I discovered that blogging requires an audience. So I moved back to LJ. Then over to Dreamwidth, back to LJ, up the road of self hosting with Muckybadger before giving up entirely and moving over to Wordpress. It was at that moment I decided I would spread my compostual nonsense simultaneously across the blogosphere like some rancid margarine. And so here I am. I am a badger. But then I'm not really a badger. I am a human. With badger like tendencies. I am a writer, a film producer and a social commentator. I am available for Breakfast TV shows, documentaries and chats in the pub with journalists.

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