The Compostual Existentialist

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Day Four – What you ate today

If I was any normal person no doubt I would have started the day with a cup of tea and a bowl of Cinnamon Grahams. I would probably have had ham and cheese sandwiches for lunch and a chicken and chorizo ready meal with potato waffle and pea accompaniment for dinner. But why would I have dined on such mediocre feasts being as fabulous as I am?

Well quite simply I wouldn’t. Indeed my repast began this morn, when I dined on quail egg kedgeree followed by slices of home baked bread dripping with rare breed Jersey cow butter, all washed down by a golden mug of hot infusion of tea, the leaves of which were hand picked from my plantation and transported by Lear jet.

As noon approached I sat on the veranda and tucked into a fine triple layer rare breed ham and cheese sandwich. The ham slices retail at about £20 a slice as the pigs the ham comes from are reared on 100% organic farms in the lush veldt in a hidden valley in the heart of Africa. The cheese, rich, blue veined and well matured made from the milk from sacred Dun cows from the unscalably mountainous regions of the Himalayas. I could have eaten three of these sandwiches but I needed to leave room for the evening meal.

The evening meal was served in the oak panelled dining room of Fruitcake Palace. The yew wood table groaned under the weight of the feast that was laid out before us. It would probably be more efficient of me to list the menu here for you to see.

First course

Gorgonzola melted on miniature pizza bases

Second course

Aral sea king prawn cocktail

Third course

Dodo Soup with croutons

Fourth course

Caspian Sea sushi with fugu chiri

Fifth Course

Roasted swan with chips and beans

Sixth course

Deep fried battered bacon sandwiches with lard fried chips

Seventh course

A huge chocolate feast type ice cream sundae with brownies, sauces and pavlova pieces

Eighth course

Butterscotch angel delight with angelica pieces.

Ninth Course

A selection of cheeses from around the world served with rare breed crackers and grapes.

Tenth Course

Port and cigars

Eleventh course

Antacids

Even after that feast I still feel a bit famished, so I might send Zoe out for a Chinese banquet too.

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Author: stegzy

Once, long ago, I wrote frequently on Livejournal. I then moved to Blogspot, where I discovered that blogging requires an audience. So I moved back to LJ. Then over to Dreamwidth, back to LJ, up the road of self hosting with Muckybadger before giving up entirely and moving over to Wordpress. It was at that moment I decided I would spread my compostual nonsense simultaneously across the blogosphere like some rancid margarine. And so here I am. I am a badger. But then I'm not really a badger. I am a human. With badger like tendencies. I am a writer, a film producer and a social commentator. I am available for Breakfast TV shows, documentaries and chats in the pub with journalists.

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