The Compostual Existentialist

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That Thing

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Do you suffer from THAT THING?

I do.

THAT THING happens to me nearly every day. When you notice THAT THING it happens more and more and you become aware of THAT THING more. In fact I’d even say with skill and dexterity one can use THAT THING to one’s advantage. Of course you could just become frustrated with THAT THING and feel resentful.

Of course you probably have no idea what the fuck I am on about. But because it is Christmas and I am cruel I will share with you the experience that is THAT THING, purely so that you will become aware of it and you will become paranoid like me.

THAT THING is the name I have given to a phenomenon that happens to me. It has become so noticeable that I have brought it to the attention of zoefruitcake who now also suffers from instances of THAT THING.

But what is THAT THING?

Well THAT THING is when you are in say, a shop, and you are heading towards a particular part of an aisle. As you are heading there you might observe how there is nobody there. Nobody at all. Nobody has any interest in that part of the aisle. However, no sooner have you reached the shelves there, it seems that all and sundry ALSO want to be in that particular part of the aisle. They seem to come from nowhere.

You doubt me?

Well try this simple experiment

Experiment

1. Find the most unpopular part of a shop. Maybe the bit where the marmite is, or where the parsnips are.
2. Loiter there.
3. Observe how all of a sudden every fucker in the shop also wants to be in that particular part of the shop.

You might think that THAT THING is limited to shops. It isn’t. You might try it in a street, or in a remote part of the countryside. If you are afflicted with THAT THING you may guarantee that no matter where you go, the popularity of that place will triple just by your presence there.

Another example might be let’s say you have found a lost city in a remote part of the Central American jungle. You are the first person to have been there in thousands of years. If you are afflicted with THAT THING, you’ll find that other people will also arrive at the same time.

Indeed, the same can be applied to ideas. How many times have you thought of something truly ace only to find that somebody else has had the same idea. It can also be applied to objects. Let’s say you are the only person in your area who has a purple space hopper with the words “I AM A HUGE COCK” written on it. However while you might rejoice at your individuality, if you are afflicted by THAT THING your joy might be short lived as all of a sudden the whole neighbourhood also seem to want purple space hoppers emblazoned with the “I AM A HUGE COCK” logo.

Think about it. I bet it has happened to you. If you think it hasn’t, you’re either telling fibs or you just haven’t observed it yet. But, like a nasty dark age curse, I have shared this with you and you will notice it more and more. I promise.

But then I’m nice like that.

Besides, the rules of THAT THING dictate that as I think I am the only person that THAT THING happens to it will soon be experienced by the whole world.

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Author: stegzy

Once, long ago, I wrote frequently on Livejournal. I then moved to Blogspot, where I discovered that blogging requires an audience. So I moved back to LJ. Then over to Dreamwidth, back to LJ, up the road of self hosting with Muckybadger before giving up entirely and moving over to Wordpress. It was at that moment I decided I would spread my compostual nonsense simultaneously across the blogosphere like some rancid margarine. And so here I am. I am a badger. But then I'm not really a badger. I am a human. With badger like tendencies. I am a writer, a film producer and a social commentator. I am available for Breakfast TV shows, documentaries and chats in the pub with journalists.

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