It’s been a long while since I’ve had a rant. I’m a lot calmer these days what with not being in an awful job and the accumulative effect of the beta blockers I’ve been on for the past 5 years. I guess also I’m a bit better at bottling things up or not letting things get to me as much. So when set this weeks topic as Rants I was kind of at a loss for something to rant about. Of course, typically, once I get started I just go on and on and on about the same old shite.
Thing is, really it’s not just one thing that gets me narked these days. It’s several things. As usual, for me anyway, it’s tiny little annoyances rather than global fuck ups that get me wound up. Usually, they’re the same bloody things as well….
1. Slow people in the shop
Ok. I like a chat just as much as anyone. But seriously, if you’re queuing up and you see there is a queue of people behind you leave the air in your lungs so that you can pack and get out before someone in that queue decides to swear at you uncontrollably. I’ve been walking round the shop a lot longer than you. I’m irritated by the failed attempts of cod-psychology the shop owners seem to think I’ll fall for, I’m even more irritated by the frightful mothers that bring their equally frightful spawn of want with them so that they can demand every sodding little thing off the shelf
Child “Mummy I want that”
Mother “It’s a tub of curry powder”
Child “Yes I want it”
Mother “Well you can’t have it, it’s too expensive”
Child throwing a tantrum “I want I want!”
stegzy “A little bit less sugar in your diet?”
I’m tired. I’ve had a long day. I want to get home. I don’t want to hear about your mother’s corn operation. I doubt the girl at the check out wants to know about it either judging by the withered look on her face. Get out. Go. I need to pay for my shopping. I only have 2 bags of satsumas from poverty corner.
2. Managers that stand round doing sod all
The shop is busy. You can see the shop is busy. Your staff are busting a gut to get people out of the shop and are doing an admirable job (despite idiots like in point 1). Shouting “Where is Mandy?” doesn’t get the shop empty any quicker. Neither does dragging people off their break. Instead of flapping about the vacant checkout desk here is an idea for you….why don’t you MAN the fucking thing yourself?! Or is that too menial for someone of your stature?
3. People that don’t think
Just because I am sat behind a desk being helpful and pleasant to people it doesn’t mean that I’m there to wipe your arse. I’m there to do a wide range of tasks, check out your books, take payment for printing, even hep you with IT queries. I’m not there to do your assignment or show you where your arse is in comparison to your elbow.
4. Drunks leaving the neighbouring Village club
Getting pissed on cheap lager then throwing it all up on my step is not what going out is all about. If I sicked up on your doorstep you wouldn’t like it. Would you? So what makes you think it’s acceptable to do it on mine?
5. The unhouse trained
There really is nothing more disgusting than a big pile of poop in a toilet. Even when said poop is covered with poop covered toilet paper. It takes next to no time to flush a toilet. Do you leave that kind of mess at home? I’m sure you don’t. Moreover, if you’re the same type of person that pisses everywhere but into the toilet or urinal, maybe you should seek medical help. Because there must be something wrong with your aim. I bet you don’t like it when you have to use a piss soaked toilet. So why do you do it? I mean I’d expect to see such a sight in a primary school maybe. But in a University or in a place of work?! What’s wrong with you?
6. Women shopping
This is the correct way to shop :- Decide what you want -> Go to shop -> Pick up Item -> Pay for item (or shop lift if you deem necessary) -> Leave shop with item.
This is the incorrect way to shop :- Go into shop -> mooch about looking for something that might catch your eye -> leave shop -> go into other shop -> mooch about -> leave shop -> repeat -> Go into first shop -> pick up item -> put item back -> pick up another item -> Put that item back -> mooch about -> leave shop -> go to another shop -> eye up the sales assistant -> go back to first shop -> realise you haven’t actually left previous shop -> leave shop -> go to first shop -> pick up first item -> sigh -> pay for item -> leave shop -> go home -> realise you don’t like item -> return to first shop -> return item -> rinse -> repeat.
Don’t get me started about shoes
I could go into a long laborious rant about Christmas. But I’ve already done that. But look this year I’m not doing Christmas. I’ve given up on the Compulsory High street Retail Industry Sponsored Tradition Motivated Avarice Season this year. Yeah..bah humbug. I don’t want to see a bloody tree (though the house on the estate behind the field behind the field behind the lane with no name that backs onto the field behind the field behind the lane with no name that you can see from my back bedroom window have already got their decorations up!) . I don’t want to be force fed overpriced must haves in every shop I visit. Stuff Jona Lewis Stop The Calvary which has already assaulted my ears enough in one life time. I don’t even want Christmas presents. But….It’s my birthday the week before….so you can get me stuff for that instead 😀
Lately time has been going a lot faster than it used to. There was a time I’d come to work and it would seem like forever before it was home time. Now I just take my coat off and its time to go again! Ok…so maybe working a 3.5 hour day is part of the reason. But that’s beside the point……
9. Long posts that nobody reads
I could go on. I could. But I doubt few even read this far. Yeah I can write. I can write and rant and go on and on about stuff you have no clue over what it is I am whittering on about. But at the back of my mind is that little voice that says “TL;DR”. Yeah, well I don’t write this stuff for your entertainment sunshine. I do it for my own amusement. Mostly. Oh ok…I do it for some recognition. But only a little bit. And if you made it this far (and followed the links too). Well done.
10. never having enough to rant about
Thanks for reading.