Hello. I’m Winky Potato. Let me take you on a guided tour of the lovely area that is Luxury Flats Brierley.
This is Brierley. Look at all that prime land available for building on. Who needs agriculture and green belt? Do they create jobs? No! So lets turn the Green and Pleasant land into a Grey and Prosperous Land.
First off. Here is one of the first things you see when you arrive in the area. A sign pointing to Brierley Centre. Brierley Centre is, of course, now Luxury Flats. The council will soon be replacing this sign with one more suitable.
Across the road from which is the village pub, the Three Horseshoes. Nobody uses pubs anymore because the beer tends to be generally shit, they are full of smelly old men and criminals and its cheaper to stay at home. So acquiring these premises for Luxury Flats shouldn’t be an issue. Prime location, easy access, ample parking provision for 45 luxury three bedroom shoe boxes.
So, rounding the corner we are greeted by the Post Office standing prominently on Church Street. Like with pubs, nobody uses Post Offices anymore. Why send mail when you can just do it electronically? Furthermore, as nobody will be retiring until they are 90, there will be no need for pension queues thus making Post Officae obsolete. More so, the Post Office is an old building. Nobody wants to live in old buildings anymore, so after a prescribed bulldozing the site will now become Postal Heights. A new 21 storey development of affordable 1 and 2 bedroom apartments for service and key workers.
The area formerly known as Brierley has lots of wasted space. This daffodil garden is only in bloom for 2 months of the year. With a bit of concrete and some bricks a new housing development could blossom there. Daffodil Meadows.
The street follows further round a blind corner. Popular with the local youth for slaleming round at breakneck speed on unlicenced and noisy off road motor cross bikes with no regard for anybody coming in the opposite direction. The red building you see on the right of the picture is now a derelict shell and was until about November time a coach upholstering business.
Rightly so, nobody travels by coach anymore. Coaches are crowded, smelly and have no leg room. Thus with the waning of coach use, the fall of the coach upholstery trade goes hand in hand. However, with some bulldozers, some burly men with tattoos, green jackets and hardhats we can redevelop this into Coach Corner. Affordable homes for the young.
Indeed, the development might over look some overexpensive homes and some farm buildings. But hey, who cares, in a few years they too can be redeveloped into more desirable multiple occupancy homes.
Next up is one of the three churches in the Brierley Area. Nobody goes to church anymore. So why let the buildings become derelict and crime ridden. Flatten them and build flats on them. What a brilliant idea!
Further up. Cow Sheds? Bovine Hut? Beef Terraces?
Looking back down toward Coach Corner
Now see. When this area was designed in the 1960’s they had vision. An elderly community. Plenty of green spaces and old codgers. Concrete over the lot of them. 60’s prefab sheltered housing is no longer in vogue. Elder Pine Meadows. A perfect name.
This is Brierley Hall. The council own it. The council are traditionally always open to backhanders and large “donations” in exchange for prime development land. This truly will be demolished in the next few years as nobody needs social services anymore. Nor do the council need meeting chambers because nobody attends the meetings anyway. So demolish the lot. Flatten it all. Cover it all with Portland’s finest. Brierley Hall View. Your up and coming development.
Handy for local transport
And of course the exciting new redevelopment that will be St Paul’s Court.
Then there is the village club. As nobody will be using clubs come July when the English smoking ban comes into effect, we can expect this place too to face a large Volvo digger.
If I’ve missed something, fear not. When I can be bothered again, I’ll photograph the remaining 6 buildings.