Over dinner stegzypicking up telephone in mock panic Oh shit

Mrs Gnomepants – what?

stegzydialling number hurriedly I hope she’s ok

Mrs Gnomepants – Who? what?

stegzy – Shh Somewhere in Barnsley a mobile phone rings

Rlindz – hello?

stegzy – hello? Are you ok? I was worried. It’s 7pm and you haven’t called yet. Do you need a doctor? Or the police? Has someone hurt you?

Rlindz – You’re a cheeky monkey you are

stegzy – Are you ok then? Just say no if there is someone holding you hostage.

Rlindz – Yes I’m fine

stegzy – Oh good. I’ll call off the search party.

Rlindz – Is that all?

stegzy – Yes thanks Hangs up telephone

Mrs Gnomepants – in astonished amusement I can’t believe you just did that.

stegzy – Well she might have been injured.