Over dinner stegzypicking up telephone in mock panic Oh shit

Mrs Gnomepants – what?

stegzydialling number hurriedly I hope she’s ok

Mrs Gnomepants – Who? what?

stegzy – Shh Somewhere in Barnsley a mobile phone rings

Rlindz – hello?

stegzy – hello? Are you ok? I was worried. It’s 7pm and you haven’t called yet. Do you need a doctor? Or the police? Has someone hurt you?

Rlindz – You’re a cheeky monkey you are

stegzy – Are you ok then? Just say no if there is someone holding you hostage.

Rlindz – Yes I’m fine

stegzy – Oh good. I’ll call off the search party.

Rlindz – Is that all?

stegzy – Yes thanks Hangs up telephone

Mrs Gnomepants – in astonished amusement I can’t believe you just did that.

stegzy – Well she might have been injured.

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Once, long ago, I wrote frequently on Livejournal. I then moved to Blogspot, where I discovered that blogging requires an audience. So I moved back to LJ. Then over to Dreamwidth, back to LJ, up the road of self hosting with Muckybadger before giving up entirely and moving over to Wordpress. It was at that moment I decided I would spread my compostual nonsense simultaneously across the blogosphere like some rancid margarine. And so here I am. I am a badger. But then I'm not really a badger. I am a human. With badger like tendencies. I am a writer, a film producer and a social commentator. I am available for Breakfast TV shows, documentaries and chats in the pub with journalists where I am more than qualified enough to talk confidently about absolute shite and bollocks.