Work

I hate hand in days at work. I want to go home now please.

I’m up and down like a bride’s nightie. Getting stuff from cupboards and change from the till for students who have all been struck with the incoherency bug today.

It should be like this:-

Student – Can I have a clear plastic press stud wallet with two heat binders for 35 pages, a DVD and a submission form
stegzy – Sure. That’ll be £x
Student – Thanks bye.

Instead it is more like this

stegzy – Yes
Student – Can I have one of them thingies?
stegzy – one of which thingies?
Student – A clear plastic thingie
stegzy – Which type of clear plastic thingie would you like, one with a press stud or one with ring binding holes?
Student – I think its one with a press stud
stegzy – Yeah here you go 60p
Student – and can I have a heat binding thingie
stegzy – how many pages?
Student – Not sure. Maybe 20 possibly 40
stegzy – More or less than thirty?
Student – not sure. Oh and can I have a blank CD?
stegzy – Sure.
Student – No I think I mean a DVD
stegzy – sure
Student – Thanks
stegzy – £3
Student – Here’s a £20 note
stegzy – Wait while I get your change
Student – Ok
stegzy – Here is your change
Student – Can you show me how to bind this
stegzy – Sure have you printed it out?
Student – No
stegzy – Print it out first.
Student – Can you show me how?
stegzy – Ok Where are you sat?
Student – I’m not yet
stegzy – Ok can you log in and I’ll show you
Student – How do I log in?
stegzy – Like this
Student – Ok
stegzy – Where is your document?
Student – It’s here somewhere
stegzy – Ok get it up and I’ll show you
Student – I don’t know how. Can you show me
stegzy – Yeah like this
Student – Can you just check my references for me while you are here
stegzy – Yeah they’re fine
Student – Ok but I want to get this picture in here on that page looking landscape and I don’t know how
stegzy – Sure. Like that like that and there you go
Student – But I don’t want it like that I want it like this
stegzy – Really you should have done this before you started can’t you see there is a queue?
Student – Yes sorry, one more minute. How do I print?
stegzy – Click this, that and go to this. Make sure your paper size is right for your page set up
Student – Ok
stegzy – No problem
seconds pass
Student – Onoes! My printing doesn’t come out the thingy
stegzy – Which thingie?
Student – The print thingie
stegzy – Colour or black and white
Student – Colour I think
stegzy – Are you sure?
Student – No
stegzy – Have you checked your print balance?
Student – No I don’t know how
stegzy – Like this
Student – No I haven’t got enough print credit
stegzy – Pay please
Student – There you go
stegzy – Has it printed?
Student – Yes how do I bind?
stegzy – Like this
Student – Ok….I done it wrong show me again?
stegzy – Like this
Student – No I think I did it wrong again. Show me
stegzy – LIKE THIS
Student – Right. Done now anyway ta for showing me.
stegzy – Yeah thats because I fucking did it for you
Student – **durr**
Sitting back at the desk
stegzy – Next!
Student – Can I have one of them thingies?
stegzy – one of which thingies?
Student – A clear plastic thingie
stegzy – Which type of clear plastic thingie would you like, one with a press stud or one with ring binding holes?
Student – I think its one with a press stud…..

I want to go home now please. I am destined to do jobs like this until I die. I used to think retirement was a way out but judging by the current state the 1950’s post war socialist dream is in. I’ll be 90 before I retire and think I’ll be long dead before then.

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