The Compostual Existentialist

Wordpress flavour with added crunchy bits

Work

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I hate hand in days at work. I want to go home now please.

I’m up and down like a bride’s nightie. Getting stuff from cupboards and change from the till for students who have all been struck with the incoherency bug today.

It should be like this:-

Student – Can I have a clear plastic press stud wallet with two heat binders for 35 pages, a DVD and a submission form
stegzy – Sure. That’ll be £x
Student – Thanks bye.

Instead it is more like this

stegzy – Yes
Student – Can I have one of them thingies?
stegzy – one of which thingies?
Student – A clear plastic thingie
stegzy – Which type of clear plastic thingie would you like, one with a press stud or one with ring binding holes?
Student – I think its one with a press stud
stegzy – Yeah here you go 60p
Student – and can I have a heat binding thingie
stegzy – how many pages?
Student – Not sure. Maybe 20 possibly 40
stegzy – More or less than thirty?
Student – not sure. Oh and can I have a blank CD?
stegzy – Sure.
Student – No I think I mean a DVD
stegzy – sure
Student – Thanks
stegzy – £3
Student – Here’s a £20 note
stegzy – Wait while I get your change
Student – Ok
stegzy – Here is your change
Student – Can you show me how to bind this
stegzy – Sure have you printed it out?
Student – No
stegzy – Print it out first.
Student – Can you show me how?
stegzy – Ok Where are you sat?
Student – I’m not yet
stegzy – Ok can you log in and I’ll show you
Student – How do I log in?
stegzy – Like this
Student – Ok
stegzy – Where is your document?
Student – It’s here somewhere
stegzy – Ok get it up and I’ll show you
Student – I don’t know how. Can you show me
stegzy – Yeah like this
Student – Can you just check my references for me while you are here
stegzy – Yeah they’re fine
Student – Ok but I want to get this picture in here on that page looking landscape and I don’t know how
stegzy – Sure. Like that like that and there you go
Student – But I don’t want it like that I want it like this
stegzy – Really you should have done this before you started can’t you see there is a queue?
Student – Yes sorry, one more minute. How do I print?
stegzy – Click this, that and go to this. Make sure your paper size is right for your page set up
Student – Ok
stegzy – No problem
seconds pass
Student – Onoes! My printing doesn’t come out the thingy
stegzy – Which thingie?
Student – The print thingie
stegzy – Colour or black and white
Student – Colour I think
stegzy – Are you sure?
Student – No
stegzy – Have you checked your print balance?
Student – No I don’t know how
stegzy – Like this
Student – No I haven’t got enough print credit
stegzy – Pay please
Student – There you go
stegzy – Has it printed?
Student – Yes how do I bind?
stegzy – Like this
Student – Ok….I done it wrong show me again?
stegzy – Like this
Student – No I think I did it wrong again. Show me
stegzy – LIKE THIS
Student – Right. Done now anyway ta for showing me.
stegzy – Yeah thats because I fucking did it for you
Student – **durr**
Sitting back at the desk
stegzy – Next!
Student – Can I have one of them thingies?
stegzy – one of which thingies?
Student – A clear plastic thingie
stegzy – Which type of clear plastic thingie would you like, one with a press stud or one with ring binding holes?
Student – I think its one with a press stud…..

I want to go home now please. I am destined to do jobs like this until I die. I used to think retirement was a way out but judging by the current state the 1950’s post war socialist dream is in. I’ll be 90 before I retire and think I’ll be long dead before then.

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Author: stegzy

Once, long ago, I wrote frequently on Livejournal. I then moved to Blogspot, where I discovered that blogging requires an audience. So I moved back to LJ. Then over to Dreamwidth, back to LJ, up the road of self hosting with Muckybadger before giving up entirely and moving over to Wordpress. It was at that moment I decided I would spread my compostual nonsense simultaneously across the blogosphere like some rancid margarine. And so here I am. I am a badger. But then I'm not really a badger. I am a human. With badger like tendencies. I am a writer, a film producer and a social commentator. I am available for Breakfast TV shows, documentaries and chats in the pub with journalists.

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