Food heathenry and other skills

I made a mistake. A truly terrible mistake. 

I’ve ordered a brand new HTC Desire HD as a replacement to my irritatingly fantastic yet annoyingly Windows Mobile 6.5 HTC HD2. Mistake you ask? Surely the Desire HD is everything a technoaddict could ever want until the next must have comes out?! Indeed! It is. Sadly they’re not released until 11th October. Delivery is expected on the 12th October.

That is an annoying 10 days away.

I could be dead before then.

I told zoefruitcake not to let me buy things in advance or over the internet because I cannot be trusted to be patient.

It hasn’t come yet…..

Pillow talk this morning was about food. Food is a common bond between zoefruitcake and I. We both love food but while I can eat everything untainted by parsnips and marmite, zoefruitcakethe fruitcake can only eat things that are untainted by dairy. Which can be problematic, especially as Indian food uses a lot of Ghee which is milk based. Meh.

Anyway, the discussion got onto how bored I am with food lately. There is nothing new. Realistically, when you strip things down to basics, we tend to have four groupings of food:-

  1. Slabs of burnt meat
  2. Lumps of stuff covered in sauce
  3. Bits and pieces with stodge
  4. Stinky sausages and pickled stuff

Green stuff is mostly ancillary (unless you’re vegetarian which I am not) but also fits in those categories.

Internationally, these things vary but typically the national dishes tend to fit in these categories. Let us look at the continents:

 Americas    Food typical type
   North America (and Canada)  1 (ie burgers, ribs n shit) 
   Central America  3 (spicy)
   Southern America  1
 Europe    
   UK  1, 2, 3
   France  2
   Germany  4
   Northern bits  4
   Russian and Ex soviet bits  4
   Portugal  1,2,3 
   Spain  2,3,4 (occasionally spicy)
   Italy  *
   Greece  1,2,3,4
   Middle eastern bits  1,3 (spicy)
 Africa    
   Northern Bits  1,3 (spicy to disguise the rotten meat)
   Central Bits  Food parcels/ each other
   Southern Bits  1
Austral-Asian Regions    
   Australia  1
   India  2
   Indonesia  Anything that moves, 3
   China  Anything that moves, 2, 3
   Japan  Anything (including poisonous things)
     

I think I’ve covered most regions of the world in my sweeping generalisations, and this is purely based on my global food trotting (done mostly in the safety of the UK and the restaurants there) but as you can see, there is nothing new! Food has become sooooo boring. Even new food….nouvelle cuisine…I mean what’s that? Massive plates with a teaspoon of matter in the middle all for the bargain price of £50. Yum. Not.

Suggest me something new….go on….dare you…..

My new phone still hasn’t come yet……

Published by

stegzy

Once, long ago, I wrote frequently on Livejournal. I then moved to Blogspot, where I discovered that blogging requires an audience. So I moved back to LJ. Then over to Dreamwidth, back to LJ, up the road of self hosting with Muckybadger before giving up entirely and moving over to Wordpress. It was at that moment I decided I would spread my compostual nonsense simultaneously across the blogosphere like some rancid margarine. And so here I am. I am a badger. But then I'm not really a badger. I am a human. With badger like tendencies. I am a writer, a film producer and a social commentator. I am available for Breakfast TV shows, documentaries and chats in the pub with journalists where I am more than qualified enough to talk confidently about absolute shite and bollocks.