Throwing

stegzy – I think this Tshirt has shrunk in the wash
Wife – I don’t. I think its because you have grown a belly
stegzyRemembering the previous weeks of takeaways Hmmm you may have a point.

I have become rotund. Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration. I’ve put on a bit of weight over the past month. I put this down to my propensity for salt and pepper spare ribs and to the fact I’m frequently not arsed to cook lately. I love cooking but lately I just can’t be arsed. Recent trips to the shops, mostly the supermarket (yeah yeah I know) as I am being too lazy to trawl the market, have been uninspiring. This week, with finances looking like a steaming pile of plop, my meals have mostly consisted of what lucybutler and aladdin_saneUncle Monty might call “Caravan Food”. Last night I had left over salad (salad made with the brown slightly on the turn salad vegetables in the fridge), the night before I had cold roasted sausage and frozen left over home made curry. These culinary morsels have been complimented with apples and the occasional morish orange. So my diet is a bit cack. I’m wondering if the belly is actually the first sign of malnutrition. Probably not though.

I’ve been thinking about the weekend and what activity I might get involved in. Money is tight (I really could do with a job) so voyages to the bottom of the county are not an option. Trips to the local surroundings are. Saturday is RMerry’s birthday. She is having a party at Elsecar heritage centre. Yes that’s right. Elsecar heritage centre. Which has a minor selection of heritage activities to participate in. Unless you count a giant kiddies fun factory type thing as heritage. So I might take the opportunity to sneak off and do a bit of geocaching.

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Foot

My foot hurts.

On Tuesday I stupidly thought it would be a good idea to walk from Barnsley to Brierley. This thought only became reality because I had £2.30 and I needed £2.60 to get the bus. As a poor Student I was reluctant to withdraw more money from the bank because I now need to learn to live within my means.

So I set forth.

BAD MISTAKE. The journey was good to begin with. I followed the bus route until I got to a cross roads where I thought going over the hill rather than around it would be a more direct route. By the time I had reached Cundy Cross and Lundwood my feet were killing me. But I soldiered on into Cudworth and by the time I had reached my sister-in-law’s house my feet hurt really bad.

“It will pass!” I thought.

Wrong again. My left foot hurts really bad. So then I think about possible causes. Had I strained it? Had I sprained it? Had I broken the bone? Was it gout? Was it galloping knob rot? Syphilis? Beri-beri? Rickets? Then I hear my doctors voice.

“You are very young. I went on holiday and I saw ancient friezes. But you are very young. You have a goutous disposition”

So, out of boredom, I checked on the internet for a bit of healthy self-diagnosis. Indeed the ache I am experiencing does sound similar to that described by the Gout Club and it is in one of the indicator areas of the foot. I have had fair bit of meat recently and I did over indulge myself at the weekend with jimrock and others. Then I see the list of foods to avoid, which curiously features foods I have previously been told were beneficial for people with cardiac problems (oily fish, cherries, lard, red wine etc). This leaves me thinking “Well fuck it then. Wheres the belly pork?”

Today is Thursday. My foot still hurts. To distract myself my thoughts turn to going to the pub and I’m also thinking about forthcoming events such as the Wakefield Beer Festival, The Barnsley Beer festival, The wife’s birthday minibash and my fourth wedding anniversary.

Oww my foot. 😦

Lunch math

This time last year I was going to Kimo’s most lunch times (well once or twice a week) I didn’t put on much weight.

This year I have mostly been having ham or turkey salad sandwiches (no mayo) and a bag of doritos. I am ballooning like the Hindenburg.

This time last year I walked about 2 miles a day. This year I drive door to door.

Therefore if

unhealthy burgers + 2 miles walking=static weight

and

healthy sandwiches + 0.5 miles walking = weight gain

we can see that

weight gain = static weight + healthy sandwiches + 0.5 miles walking

Which means

weight loss = Static weight – healthy sandwiches + 0.5 miles walking

and static weight = burgers + 2 miles walking

Therefore dinner = 2 miles walk to burger shop

Juicy

I’ve got a case of blogorrhea today.

The wife suggested we dusted off the juice extractor thingie and use that in an effort to make ourselves healthy again. This involves me getting up 5 minutes earlier so that I can juice every juicy thing in the house in an effort to make something vaguely palatable.

This mornings juice contained

Brussell Sprouts
Celery
Apple
Lemon
Kiwi fruit
Cucumber
Broccoli
Cat
Aloe Vera plant
Milkman

As a result my fingers smell of lemon and, I imagine, the wife will be pissing for Britain today (cucumber is diuretic).

Meanwhile, back on Planet Badger, “Put your medicines in the medicine drawer please” has resulted in me not taking my medicine this morning. Not out of spite or anything but because I couldn’t see them when I woke up, meaning I didn’t make the mental pathways to remember to take them. So I’m feeling a bit tingly at the moment as the bisoprolol wears off and my body starts to use more oxygen . Hopefully I’ll be ok until 4:30pm…

Last night I had oaty cakey things (more like oat burgers) instead of potato. Very nice indeed.