Driving to work this morning I was sat in a queue of traffic, as usual, on that bit of Ackworth/Mill Hill Road that goes past the death camp hospital and brings you out by that Chinese Restaurant (Fried roach in batter is their speciality). Traffic is always bad there. It takes me about 10 minutes to travel the 8 miles there then 20 minutes to travel the 1 mile from there to work. Not that I mind usually because it means I get to listen to the radio a little bit longer or to my MP3 player. (Today it was the turn of the MP3 player, more of that later)


Over egging the pudding: Self indulgent whinge about everything

Something that has been really pissing me off of late is that I’m feeling remarkably over managed. Not only do I have work coming in from my immediate line manager Mr Bigot, but I also have stuff coming direct from Mr Beardywalker-Type and from Ms Ive-been-on-one-too-many-corporate-training-courses.

Work is shit

Whats the name?

Student – I’ve lost my USB stick
stegzy – What’s the name?
Student Look of bewilderment – My name or the USB sticks name?
stegzylook of “OMG! Mankind has no future” with a sardonic smile – No your pet cat’s name.
Student – I haven’t got one.
stegzy – You haven’t got a name or a cat?
Student – Eh? Ohhhh my name
Audience – **cheers**

Good to see its not limited to University students. Though saying that, somewhere between 6th form and University they tend to lose a bit of common sense I reckon. See other stupid-user posts for comparison.

Meaningless forms

In my experience, a great deal of life, especially in the United Kingdom, is ruled by form filling. You’re born; so your parents fill in a form. You go to school; forms are filled in. You leave school and go to university, so you fill in forms. Or if you join the National College of Unemployment Economics (where you learn how to make £70 last a fortnight. I am a graduate of this college and have the cancelled UB40 to prove it) you spend most of your time filling in forms so that you can have your rent paid, council tax reduced and a tidy sum to cash at the Post Office once a fortnight.

Indeed, during my internment at the Health and Safety Executive, the paperless office ideal was only followed if various forms (B128, Y631-a & LUP2) were filled in and submitted to the correct department. Likewise, at the firm of Solicitors I worked at before the HSE, forms were abundant (Green Forms, Legal Aid forms, Costing forms, Time allocation forms). Furthermore, CSD had forms for all manner of day to day tasks such as User Agreement forms, Licencing forms, printquota forms and the like. New College is only slightly better with its pointless “New Starter” form to “assist” in the creation of an account.

These forms, once completed, usually end up getting stuffed into a drawer and never looked at again until someone comes across them 3 years later and turfs them into the bin. Quite so, the refuse collector then has to take the load to either land fill or to the recycling plant (after completing the relevant form) where again further forms are completed and sent back to some other department. The advent of computers in offices was supposed to herald the paperless office but it is obvious that someone didn’t tick the correct box as, to my mind at least, there is more paper in offices now, albeit recycled, than there was. This goes for schools and colleges too (my college and school work fit nicely into a medium sized box once used for speakers, some of the students here generate tonnes more than that in a month!).


stupid user:- Hello
stegzy – Hello

stupid user:- I am holding a conference. You might have heard of it. It is the Conference for the Incredibly Boring
stegzy – erm….no sorry…must have missed that one
stupid user:- Well you might know it as the Department of Too Much Grant Money.
stegzy – Oh yes…right…
stupid user:- Well as I said…I have organised a conference and I would like some temporary usernames please
stegzy – Right well…if you go to <web address> then you will see a form. You will need to complete that and you can have the usernames from the next working day.
stupid user:- But I need them now. I’ve organised this conference. It is today! I was assured by <name drop> that I could have them
stegzy Indeed but even they are unable to get temporary usernames at this much short notice.
stupid user:- But I’m with the Department of Really Important.
stegzy I’m sorry but I didn’t design the system. The process takes place overnight and the usernames are usually available on the afternoon of the  following working day.
stupid user:- But…but….I have all these people from all round the world at the conference who need access. I don’t have time to fill in forms.
stegzy Well maybe if you didn’t spend so much time wallowing in your own self importance you might have a bit left over to actually fill in a form which would probably only take you 5 precious minutes. You could probably have filled it in while you were having a wank over your fucking guest list and had it to us when you first thought about having your intellectual bukkake session. Isn’t that what organising a conference is all about? Making sure your candidates have the relevant resources available to them? Like pens? Paper? Usernames? Fuck, even I could have organised your fucking wankathon with my eyes closed you self righteous name dropping fuckwit
stupid user:- You are right. I shall go and become a burger flipper straight away. Thankyou for showing me the light.
stegzy It’s that big bright thing hanging from the ceiling.
stupid user:- Thankyou.