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Car Washing by Stegzy Gnomepants Fill the bucket From the tap Grab the sponge Give the chamois a rap Get out a rag And the shampoo Cos’ washing the car Is what we do Sponge off the dirt And rub the bumper Polish the wheel trims Don’t wet your jumper! Go get the vacuum Cleaner…
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The Duckbill Platypus by Stegzy Gnomepants What a curious sight you are Weird and out by far Under the antipodean sky Oh duckbilled platypi You’re quite bizarre to look at If you wore a hat On your duckbill snout If you ever went out With brown fur and ear You’re quite peculiar and queer But…
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Prostate Cancer I’d rather be a dancer Than have prostate cancer Which doesn’t sound pleasant At all Your bits inside rotting The doctor just spotting The discharge and pain In your smalls It kills many men yearly But typically nearly Few of them went to The doctors So mums get your son To get a…
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The Tardis I wish I had a Tardis So I could travel back To the distant past and see The first railway track I wish I could travel through space In a box of blue and white I’d visit Rome and travel home Or go and fly a kite I wish I had a time…
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The other day I took Zoe to the local Hobbycraft so she could choose a delicious and chewy glue gun for her Easter present. Nom. It was while we were wandering around the aisles that I was reminded about materialism and the satisfaction of surrounding ourselves with useless tat. One of the aisle displays…
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Bzzz bzzzz bzzzz That is what you do Pollinating the flowers Between the morning dew Bzz bzzzz bzzzz Behind my ears and head In and out the undergrowth Until it’s time for bed Bzzz bzzz bzzz bzzzz What’s that awful noise You’ve got yourself caught in a web They’re dangerous not toys Bzzzzz bzzzzzzz bzzzzzz
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April Apples April apples crisp and firm Round and tasty Stirring the worm In abundance and free from fears Earlier than the Mayspheres April apples Rosy and abound Not as pronounced As the June mound Go forth and see Out in the street The April apples Your eyes will meet Feast and gorge The April…
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Many years ago, I worked in Halfords. For those unfamiliar with British brands, Halfords is a shop that sells bits for cars, car stereos and bicycles. Mostly the car parts are styling things like go faster stripes and furry dice. When working there I was presented with a folder which detailed a selling technique which…
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Having a weekend in Liverpool. It’s nice to catch up with peeps. Chew the fat. Make plans all parties know will never be fulfilled. Smithdown Road has changed. Fast food shops everywhere. It is a shade of the place it was when I lived there above the fishing tackle shop. The vibrancy has gone. The…
The Compostual Existentialist 